Tuesday, October 17, 2006

MTV's Two-A-Days: Great Show? Or Greatest Show?

So the first season of Two-A-Days is over, and I feel the need to make some points about the show. For those of you who didn't watch the show, it follows the season, and more importantly, the social lives, of a high school football team in Hoover, Alabama. The team's nationally ranked, has won three state titles in a row, and has produced some big name players (Chad Jackson on the Patriots, John Parker Wilson who is Alabama's starting QB, and his brother Ross Wilson, the current QB who is currently a highly touted recruit.)

I have four main points:

1. The guys on that team must crush so much ass, it is absurd. The town they live in has absolutely NOTHING going for it other than high school football. Even the girls in the high school seem to comprehend Xs and Os type of football information. It's crazy. Also, these girls are smoking hot. Yes, I know they are or were still in high school, but I don't care. Alex's ex-girlfriend Kristin is unbelievable. However, she didn't accept my myspace friend request, so that's not something working in her favor.

2. Rush Propst is not a smart coach. Hoover is a really good high school football team because everyone in the town is expected to play football. While I will give credit to Coach Propst for possibly working them harder than anybody else (which is an important part of coaching obviously), he's still a complete moron.

First, his pre-game and halftime speeches are TERRIBLE. He doesn't say a word more than four letters long during any of them. Believe me, I'm not saying cursing isn't effective. It is. But merely saying , "BEAT THE PISS OUT OF 'EM!" repeatedly isn't going to inspire anyone. You have to at least attempt to tell a story. Preferrably one that uses the word "fuck" a lot.

Secondly, in the game they lost, they knew they were facing a mobile QB the entire week, and then Propst complains the defense couldn't stop them when he had them running plays against their pocket QB all week. Shouldn't he have used that kid Cornelius at QB during practice for a good portion of that week so the defense would have experience against a running QB? Did anybody else notice this?

3. Goose is a fucking douchebag and a pussy. When he showed up at Alex's house with Kristin as a part of that whole "cheerleaders deliver baked goods the night before the game" thing that apparently happens in the South, I was amazed that Alex didn't punch him in the face. This was like 3 days after Alex had broken up with Kristin. I don't care that Alex banged out Keagen or that Goose wasn't great friends with Alex, hanging out with a teammates' ex-girlfriend that soon after a breakup in such a clear, sexually motivated manner is unacceptable. Thankfully, it appears that Goose's fat ass is relegated to hanging out only with chicks now who haven't appeared to touch his penis. The final episode was vague as to how things are between him and Kristin, but she used the word "friend" a lot, so I'm guessing they don't rub naughty parts. Fuck you, Goose. Also, I think the fact that this idiot would sully the name of Maverick's partner like that pisses me off even more.

4. Repete was the most intriguing character on this show. I don't understand why the focus was on Alex. First, Repete is the most "dirty South" of all the characters. Repete featured the blowout afro or dreads at all times. Furthermore, his name is fucking Repete. Not Pete Jr. Repete. His Dad's name isn't even Pete or Peter either, it's just his nickname. Plus his Dad was a massive alcoholic who seemingly led all the idiotic cheers in the stadium, and interrupted a post-game interview with his son drunkenly. Finally, Repete has a thing for white chicks. His girlfriend was white, and he was almost suspended from the starting lineup for a game after asking for white girls' phone numbers in the stands during the game.

A little follow up on the show. Repete was able to walk on at Auburn, but later "quit" the team. Sounds like he got booted off to me. Ross Wilson has decided to play baseball instead of football for the Crimson Tide. Finally, Alex Binder was arrested for breaking and entering a motor vehicle the summer after his senior year. However, Alex's myspace profile contains a photo of his highly underage girlfriend Danielle, who needless to say, is extremely good looking.

Alex's myspace profile... if you look at his friends you can find his girlfriend and Kristin too. Yeah, I'm a loser.


At 6:07 PM, Blogger David L. Bickel said...

some utterly fantastic points in here... a couple notes...

1) it seemed to me that cornelius should have been more prominently featured, he's playin football at troy university.

2) since the show, alex has been arrested for breaking into a car. he is also dating a high school sophmore... he's in college. in one of the episodes, ross chides him for dating an underage girl, he comments that he's still on 17. plus beats.

3) goose is awful. he also hates repete, which is ridiculous.

4) the funniest repete moment of the show (other than when he hit on the white chicks from the other school) was when he was describing his girlfriend. first he calls her a dime... then he goes, naw... she's only a 9. she's not a 10. priceless comedy.

5) there will be a second season of the show.

At 11:54 PM, Blogger Mr. Intensity said...

REPETE: His true name is Dwarn Smith, which is the same name as his father has. His father is named Dwarn "Pete" Smith, and thus, he is nicknamed "RePete." This idea was no doubt concocted over a 40 oz. of Schlitz Malt Liquor, possibly while the elder Dwarn Smith was wearing a neon jogging coat and zubaz pants...sometime around 1992.

At 12:36 AM, Anonymous mbracken said...

1.) What happened to the black guy who sang "Phantom of the Opera" in his car? MTV puts him on the opening credit, embarrasses him for one episode and then never mentions him again.

2.) How ridiculous was the Thanksgiving episode when two unidentified black teammates were forced to eat at an outdoor picnic table, while Max's stepfather proceeded to suck the assistant coach's D for the entire meal.

3.) Can't wait for season 2. Here's hoping that Repete returns to find some more dime pieces at local bowling alleys.

4.) Goose is a HUGE bitch, and Kristin is the hottest MTV reality tv girl of all-time, beating LC in a rout.

At 1:00 AM, Blogger Mr. Intensity said...

Correction to your story: Rush Probst's pregame speech is as follows: (And I know this...because I have been saying it for a week.)


At 3:33 AM, Anonymous jp said...

even more evidence that Goose is a pussy - http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=50377103

1) he lists Kristin as #1 in his top friends. I am pretty sure the closet he has come to fucking her was a kiss on the cheek during a 3 hour pillow talk, with Kristin complaining how much of a asshole Alex is

2) He lists himself as a non-drinker

3) he states that he has a good job waiting for him, because he is majoring in “chemical engineering instead of something easier”

4) he lists his bedtime anywhere between midnight and 1 am

5) he filled out a myspace survey

At 11:53 AM, Blogger David L. Bickel said...

mr. bracken.... i'm thinking mallory snyder (real world paris and TWO SI swimsuit editions) has something to say about hottest reality tv show chick of all-time. also, casey (fresh meat) with her new fake tits is pretty smoking now.

At 12:04 PM, Blogger David L. Bickel said...

reason # 5,000,471 why repete is the best on the show... on his myspace he says he drives a black lexus but most of the time he is in his suburban sittin on 22s... and he lists his income at 60-75k a year.

At 12:06 PM, Blogger Chubbs and Anthony said...

Can we get a link here Bickel?

At 2:00 PM, Blogger David L. Bickel said...

it's pronounced repete... aka Tha King.


At 2:33 PM, Anonymous beutj said...

the great thing about it is that repete thinks that 60-75k is a TON of money. which i guess it is for a black in alabama.

At 5:04 PM, Blogger Mr. Intensity said...

Yet another correction: Repete is usually SETTIN' on DEM 22's. In the Big Body Burban. Settin. Not sitting.

At 6:33 PM, Blogger David L. Bickel said...

i know you like bein intense mr. intensity... but i was not quotin repete's blog but merely reporting what was on there, so i was translating for those who aren't in the know in terms of how people from the hood talk. carry on now mr. intensity. carry on.


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