Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Thoughts Not Related to the Play of Baseball in the World Series

I want to stab John Mellencamp in the fucking face. Seriously. I don't think I've wanted to kill a singer like this since Rob Thomas during the 2004 NBA Playoffs. If I have to hear "This is our Country" one more time, I will do it. I will stab Mellencamp. Don't test me. As if it weren't bad enough that we have to see that damn Dodge or Chevy commercial or whatever the fuck it is that plays that song during every break in the action, he came out to play the fuckin' thing before Game 2. Furthermore, it took them about ten minutes to find the guy before they could even start playing. His band was standing on the field just waiting for him while Jeanne Zelasko did a horrible job of alibing for him, finally saying, "I'm sure it will be worth the wait." You know what, shut the fuck up Jeanne. I don't need your ugly, no-longer-pregnant ass to tell me that it will be worth waiting an extra ten minutes for the first pitch of a World Series game so "Cougar" can play his stupid little patriotric commercial jingle. Let's not act like he wasn't in the bathroom doing coke off his third-wife's cleavage while Bob Seger was waiting in the corner to put some "Night Moves" on her.

JUST PLAY FUCKING BASEBALL. Here's a thought Fox, maybe people tune in to watch your World Series coverage to WATCH THE FUCKING WORLD SERIES. Enough of these stupid commercial tie-ins (Taco Bell's free tacos, John Mellencamp's obviously Chevy/Dodge-related appearance), musical montages, talking baseballs that explain what a fucking curveball is, etc. Just give me solid, intelligent baseball coverage. Ever think that might have something to do with the drop in ratings? The fact that you've turned baseball into a sideshow? I think the only solution at this point would be putting Keith Jackson in charge of covering all sacred sporting events. Anything else is just going to piss me off.


At 1:49 PM, Anonymous KZ said...

Did you see this question from Bill Simmon's mailbag? You guys were one step ahead on calling that one.

Q: Yo, Sports Guy, me and my friends tried to do a drinking game where we did a shot every time we saw the Melencamp commercial. Two of us died from alcohol poisoning, one choked on his own vomit and my liver exploded by halftime of the 4 p.m. game. This really is our country.
--Ken, Buffalo, N.Y.


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