Friday, November 03, 2006

California, Here We Come

It's early November, and we all know what that means. No, not the beginning of the of NBA season. I'm obviously referring to a new season of Fox's hit show, The OC. The first episode of season four was last night in what promises to a be a truly groundbreaking season on the show. There are a lot of changes and new faces this year following the death of Marisa and the graduation from high school that marked the end of season three. Here's a character-by-character breakdown of what happened last night, and what might happen this season.

Ryan: Ryan, or "Poor Kid" as we often call him, is really the moral compass of the show. I've been claiming all along that the writers of the OC are grooming Ryan to become the next Sandy Cohen. Basically they're the same character. Both are old-fashioned tough guys who don't mind breaking the rules to do what they think is right. Ryan, predictably has flown off the reservation following the death of Marisa, and completely cut ties with everyone in Newport, instead electing to follow the career path of his idol, Ken from Street Fighter. That's right, Poor Kid decided to do underground cage fighting instead of going to UC-Berkeley. That makes sense.
My Ryan predictions for this year: 1) He doesn't kill Volcheck like everyone thinks he will, but instead gets him arrested 2) He ends up going to college locally so he can stay with the Cohens 3) He meets some hottie at college, bangs her, then dumps her because she reminds him too much of Marisa, and 4) Gets into trouble at college for being at a party involving drugs or gets wasted, ends up in jail, and Sandy has to bail him out.

Seth/Summer: Seth, aka "Rich Kid", isn't quite as intriguing of a character as Ryan. Apparently Seth, the smart kid from the elite private school in the rich town of Newport, didn't get into any college and has now decided to start work at a comic book store in town. That makes sense. Summer, meanwhile, is out at Brown now and apparently has joined up with the hippie protestors. I enjoy this touch from the OC. The entire time it remains very clear that Summer is still a bimbo and is really only doing what other people tell her to do.
I'm not sure what to expect out of Seth/Summer this year but here goes: 1) Seth remains dejected for much of the season due to his separation from Summer, including turning down potential leads on ass 2) Summer eventually hooks up with crazy didgeridoo/stoner guy from Brown and tells Seth (do you ever notice how on these shows, when somebody cheats on their boyfriend or girlfriend, even if it's only a friggin' makeout, they spill their guts within like three days? Does this ever happen? I think not.) 3) Seth goes on a sex binge following the revelation that Summer has "moved on" 4) Summer quickly ends any kind of romantic liason with didgeridoo guy, and drops out of college. 5) Rachel Billson finally realizes how hot she is and dumps Adam Brody (whoops, that's not a prediction about the OC)

Kaitlin Cooper - Honestly, I've never been more excited for the OC. Kaitlin Cooper is a character who, as Jay Bilas would say, has great upside potential. First, she's smoking hot. Now I know that's kind of creepy given the fact that Willa Holland, the actress that plays Kaitlin Cooper is only 15. However, I think it's acceptable since both myself and every guy I know who saw her in her first episode immediately commented on how hot she was before knowing her true age. I'm saying that makes it OK. I'm not sure if that defense would hold up in court, but, whatever.
I enjoy how Kaitlin, true to her form as uber-conniving, heartless, hottie bitch, evidences no signs of emotional wear and tear following the recent death of her sister. Instead, Kaitlin has already exploited her Mom's psychological instability by blackmailing Dr. Roberts into getting her an expensive pair of shoes. God, you are so hot and bitchy Kaitlin.
My predictions for Kaitlin this year (I'm putting all chips on black here): 1) Hooks up with Volcheck 2) Hooks up with a teacher and/or a parent 3) Tries to hook up with Ryan, fails 4) Gets arrested for drugs, threatened to get kicked out of school 5) Goes on a date with me.

Alright, so there you have it folks. My big predictions for this year. I left out some other important characters, but I think this pretty much sums up the important points. I don't see much drama coming from the Sandy and Kirsten department this year after last year's marital problems and Kirsten's drinking. If they bring up Kirsten's drinking as a problem again this year, it's overkill. Really. Stop it. I'm not sure what happens with Taylor Townsend this year, although she could be involved with Seth, particularly following any revelation that Summer smoked that cheeba monkey at Brown's pole.

Finally, I'm not sure if anybody caught it, but Steve-O is going to guest star in next week's episode. Words can't really describe how fucking excited I am for this. Steve-O? On the OC? What? How many painkillers were the executives at Fox taking when they OK'd this decision? I can't even imagine what Steve-O did to that set on the day or two he was there. It probably looked something like this, actually ***caution: contains quick glimpse of Steve O's dong, not suitable for work environment***:


At 3:18 PM, Blogger Mr. Intensity said...

VERY good predictions on Ryan and Kaitlin. I think they are spot-on. I am not going to lie, though: although Kaitlin is a solid character, she doesn't bring the show together like Marissa Cooper did. Kaitlin's character seems to be eerily similar to Valerie (Tiffany-Amber Thiessen) on Beverly Hills, 90210, right down to the pot smoking.

The death of Marissa Cooper marked what will be a slow downward slide of the show. Her character was the female equivalent of Ryan's: troubled, yet at the end of the day, you always rooted for her because she was so damn sympathetic. Ultimately, the most tragic thing possible happened to her: she was essentially murdered. I maintain that her character really held the show together, and without her, the show's chemistry is really fucked up. To this day, every time I think of her character, it makes me upset to the point I feel a tinge in my stomach. She was a great character, and the show without her really really sucks. And she was quite nice to look at as well. And she had a bit of a naughty side, which led to gratuitious shots of her in lingerie, which isn't bad.

At 3:54 PM, Blogger Nathan said...

kuiken you must be joking. marissa's death was the best thing to happen to the oc since alex's appearance...the glue of the show? every time she was on screen i wanted to change the channel. i didn't, obviously, but you get my point.

chubbs--great predictions for ryan. but you don't give enough attention to ryan's dominance in "the cage." apparently, all he had to do to be able to beat up the most feared pit fighter is decide that he wanted to win. what the fuck? so, like, if i decide that i want to be a kick ass pit fighter, does it follow that i'd be able to start beating the shit out of people too? is everyone supposed to forget that poor kid is only like 5'8" and probably weighs around 170 pounds?

and chubbs, you seem to have forgotten that seth is only still in newport because he got in to the rhode island school of design but only for the winter semester. so this means he's likely moving out to RI in like episode 8, which woudl make it hard for him to have a full-fledged romance with taylor...a more likely situation is a poor kid/taylor hook-up, which i know doesn't make any sense right now, but there aren't any other characters around newport so right now it's the most likely outcome.

but yeah, overall just a fantastic first the twins that caitlin uses (like they're not fighting at some point this season...i've got five on the curly haired kid...but how are they twins?) ...and LOVE the hippie protest guy at Brown. "Summer, it's your turn to jam on the Didg." hahaaha. Ladies and gentleman, do we have tv's most recent heady brosef? he seems a little light on the heady and a little heavy on the brosef, but he does go to brown so he's definitely a strong candidate.

in closing, i have much more to say but have work to do, so expect antoher four hundred words in the near future...i'm buying a didg...

At 4:00 PM, Blogger Chubbs said...

I'm aware of Seth's future attendance at Risdie... however, I was merely pointing out that for the time being, he's in Newport because he didn't get into any college and is now stuck working at a comic book store... I think the Taylor hookup is happening before he goes away. That's all I'm saying. Although, I also wouldn't be surprised to see Ryan hook up with her either. Taylor! Yes!

Also, does anybody else find it odd that those twins let Kaitlin push them around? Wouldn't you at some point say, "Hey, my eighteen year old brother fucked your mom, cunt"?

At 6:18 PM, Blogger Nathan said...

stuck working in a comic book store? that's a dream job. another fantastic development, along with the new team of nerd sidekicks.

and god, how disappointed would you be if your girlfriend flew in for the weekend and you didn't even get to do some of the ol' in out? i'm just saying.

i applaud your use of cunt, but remember, they're what, 15? i'm just looking forward to when they crash their new cars into each other trying to impress caitlin...let's say episode 21.

At 9:49 PM, Anonymous mbracken said...

Great recap Chubbs. I can't believe you didn't make mention of the Kaitlin pool scene though. That was downright statutory. Kristin from Two-a-Days >> Kaitlin >> Lexie on my scale of hot underage chicks from tv, and that's not a slight to Lexie in the least.

I love that Luke's younger bros are chillin' w/ Kaitlin. Could this mean that Luke is headed back to Newport? Does Julie turn back to him once Dr. Roberts and she split up? Let's hope so. Luke's great for The OC.

I don't miss Marissa at all. Summer, Kiersten and Julie are all hotter, and those 3 don't attract loser guys like Oliver and Johnny to the show. Last night's episode was the OC's best since Johnny fell off the cliff.

At 4:19 PM, Blogger David L. Bickel said...

and bracken killed it... kaitlin cooper is hot. i don't care that she's 15. i'm excited for the season but i wasnt that pleased with the first show... maybe it was an absence of herb and blimpy burger (that with the O.C. is a fantastic combo), but somehow my experience watching the show wasnt quite up to par. also, i agree with the taylor townsend-seth development... it's happening. bootsy would be pro-nerd sidekicks.. that said, the steve-0+volchek shiv sequence in next week's episode is a nice touch. i think ryan is going to beat volchek's ass and bring him back and get him arrested for some ol' prison rape.

At 9:45 PM, Anonymous Nikhil said...

This has nothing to do whatsover with this post, in fact i didnt even read it. But chubbs/anthony, you need to hear this.

just get after it

At 6:18 PM, Blogger 1st Team All Big-10 Most Selfish said...

Wrong. Kristin from Two-A-Days is not as hot as Lexie or Kaitlin. Unless I misinterpreted the <> symblols I think the order of hot girls should be reversed.

Kristin is a little too big and too plain looking. Everybody here has banged a girl like that and she loses points for that. She also wasn't the hottest girl on the show. That Danielle girl that Alex started dating is much hotter. Plus, while Kristin will gain 20 pounds over the next couple of years at school, Danielle will keep her tight ass and grow some nice boobs.

Kaitlin is hot and I am looking forward to watching her sprout bigger boobs over the years. I'm a fan. The thought that she will be turning 18 around the same time that I will be making serious cash makes me believe that anything is possible.

Lexie is hotter than Kaitlin and will become even more so once she gets a nosejob on her 18th b-day. I am a little fearful that she could gain a few extra pounds but I think that she would be a better bang than Kaitlin.

At 6:49 PM, Blogger Mr. Intensity said...

Oh man. That indian lady is incensed with "Raj." Hilarious. His chick was named NYkki. With a "y."!! "Buda call?" And their use of American slang is hilarious- he hangs out with his, "boys." OH MY GOD! He says, "you don't know the American women's ways of using the mouth." So funny. He is just trying to catch some domes!! OH MY GOD. Oh man...this is unreal. It takes a long time, but it is worth it to listen to them argue.

As for this other stuff, I stand by my statements. I think that Marissa was a great character. And I like Johnny. I know no one else is in this boat with me, but I am manning the ship. I also agree with my boy Reece, aka the most selfish kid in the big ten's, post. And I also agree that Bootsy's ideal life would involve a comic book store and a team of nerd sidekicks.


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