Thursday, November 23, 2006

Real World: Denver
Off to a Promising Start

I watched the Real World season premiere earlier today, and I've got to say that I was pleasantly surprised. Thank God for Mtv Overdrive, by the way. If there wasn't Mtv overdrive, there is no way I would be able to fit these shallow TV shows into my demanding and busy drinking schedule. I don't think Mtv or Fox got the memo that they can't air shows like the OC or the Duel on any night other than Monday or Tuesday because otherwise there's a 90% chance I'll be missing it in order to get slammered. Come on guys, I'm in a desirable advertising demographic. Cater to me.

I really hope this is a good Real World season. Everything has really been downhill since Real World: San Diego. San Diego had it all: a highly amusing and entertaining meathead, a really hot chick, a chick with huge fun bags, an under the radar hottie, an emo basket case, and a funny non-militant black guy. Plus, San Diego gave us the "Drunk tank! All night!" line. Since then, it's been nothing but lame ass, low-intensity morons with no intriguing in-house hookup drama.

Here's why I think this season will be successful:

1) These people GET AFTER IT. It's quite clear after two nights of events that there is going to be a lot of brodying going on with this cast. We've already had one post-party extend into a post-sunrise drunken beat sesh that almost featured a potentially hazardous oven-fire. Post-parties = sex, embarassing moments, shouting, and fighting or more simply, good intensity.

2) All the chicks on the show are pretty hot. I don't think any of these girls quite reach Cameran or Mallory status, but I would definitely let these girls touch my wiener. Jennifer, the Raiderette dancer, is borderline very hot, and she is obviously a huge slut. Colie, the chick from Jersey, is also a huge slut, but she appears to lack self-confidence and will probably latch on to whoever she hooks up with (Awesome! Jersey!) Finally, there's Brooke, who hasn't had as much attention focused on her but has already admitted to being a semi-nympho, so that's something. All in all, I'm pleased.

3) The Colie-Alex-Jennifer love triangle is going to result in problems. I can't believe it's been two nights and this dude Alex has already slept with two different roommates. Wow. I thought that guy was going to be a huge pussy when I saw his earrings and his somewhat effiminate mannerisms, but I guess I was proved wrong. I can't fault a guy who gets after it, and he gets after it (see: post-sunrise beat sesh on night two with Jennifer). There is no way this thing doesn't cause problems. It's quite clear that Colie has a thing for Alex that runs deeper than just wanting to makeout with him. Colie may say she just wants to make out with him, but let's face it, she's from Jersey. Also, she was practically hanging off of him and mentioning how he should sleep in her bed anytime he didn't have his tongue down her throat. It's also abundantly clear that Alex would much rather bang out Jennifer, who's the hotter chick, whenever he can. In the meantime though, Alex, like most men (self included), lacks self-restraint and will probably continue to hook up with Colie because she's also kind of hot, even though it's going to lead her on, because, well, he can.

4) Mtv finally put two black guys together. Now we can finally see what it's like when "the black guy" isn't marginalized into one storyline a season because none of the white guys will talk to him. Instead, we're probably going to see Tyrie and Steve dominate the season since I don't really see over-sexed hetero Alex and ambiguously gay Davis developing any sort of deep friendship. Plus the fact that one of the black guys is JACKED and seems to be all about banging chicks with huge asses while the other black guy is a conservative Christian Republican is hilarious to me. I think this dynamic is going to be the X-factor, and could potentially elevate this show over a season like San Diego.

5) Jennifer will be in Playboy. Mark my words. This will happen.


At 1:42 PM, Anonymous Liz said...

I agree that this season looks like it's going to be a good one.

Girls: At first glance, Colie is cute, but upon closer inspection she has sort of a horsey look to her. Plus I can tell she's going to get super annoying about guys. I give her a 6 out of 10 overall. Jennifer also looks smoking hot at first, but i think that can be attributed to her body. she loads on the makeup like a fucking pageant queen and her fake minnie mouse eyelashes are KILLING me. she also seems like a huge idiot, but she will make for some good entertainment. She gets a 7 out of 10. I think Brooke is the best out of the girls. She is the most naturally pretty out of the three and has the most personality and intelligence. And like you pointed out, she certainly has a wild side that is sure to make for a good addition to the house dynamic. She gets a 9 out of 10 so far.

Guys: I'm not really that impressed with the guys this season. The Steve-Davis thing is so predictible and has been done a million times before. yawn, i'm bored with that already. Alex is ok and will probably be pretty entertaining and I like how he's not going to settle for hooking with only one roommate so he gets a few extra points for not being a little girl like Danny was with Melinda in Austin. I think that Tyrie will be my favorite guy on the show. I don't even know if I can back that up yet, but he seems pretty funny and is sure to produce some good one-liners.

oh and why aren't all the real world episodes one hour?

At 4:23 PM, Blogger Mr. Intensity said...

I agree. The best part is when Jennifer says, "And the next thing I know, we are having sex." Wow. That was blunt and to the point. I enjoyed it. I also enjoyed the sketchy high school move of, "Whaa...wait, where am I? We just passed out in this guest room...I am on the floor." I found it quite amusing how Jen pulled herself out of that nosedive to act as if nothing happened and be like, "I am soooo wasted....whaaat happened?" to fool Colie. And then proceeded with the beat sesh after the coast was clear. Classic high school moves out of these people. Tremendous.

At 6:37 PM, Blogger Chubbs said...

Ha! Well noted Kuiken.

Also, I totally forgot that Brooke and Jennifer made out. Like hardcore, unprovoked made out.

At 8:13 PM, Blogger David L. Bickel said...

this has the makings of a wonferful season.... also, for some reason, i think tyrie may be getting a future beat sess from jennifer... i mean, he used to play football and she used to be a cheerleader for the raiders... i wonder if she's been destroyed by randy moss?

At 8:29 PM, Blogger Mr. Intensity said...

I am so pissed. You guys have slowed the stream of content on this site to a goddamn dribble. Chubbs, I understand it is exam time. I get that. But write something, anything. I need this.

Anthony, there is simply no excuse. When was the last time you posted? Your SBTB posts were monumental and transcendent; I need more out of you. Even if it is just your thoughts on lint, or how much you like brandy when it is warmed to 98 degrees Farenheit. (Or...celsius. Ladies?) I know that working in the real world is awful- that's why Office Space hits home so goddamn hard. SO sack it up and take out your aggression through this website. I want some rants and raves and other cool stuff. And what happened to the beer tally? What about the NBA? Surely you have been keeping up with DWade's season. What are your thoughts on the BCS? What are your thoughts on little South Asian girls who want to grow up to be doctors? Dangit...What are your thoughts on the hat steal, having thought about it a little more over the last two months? What do you think about OJ? What do you think about grapefruit juice? Do you like Al Cowlings? Do you think I am putting off studying by typing all of this?

At 2:51 AM, Blogger David L. Bickel said...

reading mr. intensity's post has to make you want to update this more often. i also agree with him.

At 11:27 AM, Anonymous beutj said...

agreed. it's been over 2 weeks since we had a post here. this blog is more dead than edelman in a bacon and shellfish factory (yeah, i'm not sure what that means either).


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