Thursday, November 02, 2006

What Happens in Cabo, Stays in Cabo

What can I say about truly a landmark episode of Laguna Beach last night? Between the Kyndra-Tyler situation, the anticipation of the Lexie-Kelan hookup, and Derek's escapades, we witnessed one of the most action-packed episodes in LB history.

First, I want to point something out. I think Derek is slowly and silently making a push to become the man in Laguna Beach. The show inevitably focuses on Cameron's sexual escapades because of the love triangle between him, Kyndra, and Tyler, but I think Derek is leading the league in crushing ass. First, he hooks up with the underrated Tessa. Then, this week, he hooks up with Breanna. I'll grant you that Breanna's face looks like a catcher's mitt, but this is all part of a larger trend. Derek is stockpiling ass. The preview for next week shows him taking Lexie to the prom. What?! Is he really about to pull the rug out from under Kelan and bang out hot, hot Lexie? Kudos to you, Derek. You receive a tip of the cap.

This whole Kelan-Lexie situation just does not make any sense to me. It's pretty clear that all Kelan needed to do that whole trip was make a move and he would've bagged that hot piece of high school ass. How does this not happen? How do you spend a week on vacation in Cabo San Lucas, drinking, and staring at Lexie in a bikini and never make a move? How is that possible? Even the biggest pussy in the world has to make a move in that situation, right? This is Maurice Clarett-esque in terms of wasted oppurtunities.

Finally, Tyler is worthless. Does he have a job? Does he go to college? Who the fuck crashes a group of high schoolers' Spring Break to spy on/hook up with his ex-girlfriend, all while his parents are with him? That being said, Kyndra is pretty stupid to have fallen for the drunken "love" card that Tyler played. I will give Tyler credit for pulling out the "break glass in case of emergency" love play in order to make sure that Kyndra would be fucking him and not Cameron on the first night of Spring Break. If it already weren't established how huge of a douche you were, that might receive a tip of the cap.

Anthony's analysis: Since college I have not put MTV on once. I don't know what any of this means. I was drinking at a bar tonight watching the wildly entertaining West Virginia - Louisville game. Totally turned me around on the Big East. Good times.

2 Comments:

At 3:23 PM, Blogger Mr. Intensity said...

Well, Anthony, you have fucked up, my friend. If you had cable, you would enjoy the wildly entertaining Laguna Beach, although the characters kind of suck this year.

How about the way Tyler then was seen dancing with a hot chick- who looked hotter than Kyndra? He pulled some major league moves there. And can we at least point out that his sister (whose picture is all over the internet doing blow- a tip of the cap for that) is possibly the best looking girl on the show? Does anyone else expect him to get all fucked up and start making out with her?

 
At 4:26 PM, Blogger David L. Bickel said...

i was actually thinking along the same lines as kuiken... i think tyler is hooking up with his own sister and i think she kinda wants too. i hate that guy. he's obviously really really rich, but not at all on his own accord nor will he ever accomplish anything with his life... he'll end up with a hot wife and a lot of money and deserve none of it.

im not sure if she's the best looking girl on that show... but she's underrated for sure. she's like a loser sidekick that gets roped into fuckin the cool dude's friend when the cool dude is banging out kyndra... but she always wants to be the one banging the cool dude.

i think derek is a more likeable character to cameron anyway... he didnt go after the town bicycle (jessica) who by the way has completely fallen off from when she was banging out dieter. what is SHE doing with her life?

kelan may or may not have balls... i'm not entirely certain at this point. he seems like he should be getting ass on par IF NOT better than derek... and yet, he keeps ocming up dry.

not normally mentioned and normally i would hate a guy who is in a band, but i'm a pretty big fan of chase. i'm pretty sure that guy is stockpiling ass, with really slutty band groupies... they need to show more of that guy.. plus he knows he can nail tessa whenever he wants if he puts a little effort, so he's keeping that on reserve. in fact, my guess is he ends up takin her to the prom. my other prom prediction is that cameron hooks up with lexie at the prom and derek gets stuck with the ol' catcher's mitt.

 

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