Saturday, December 08, 2007

11:28 -Jim Lampley just told me to party like a "rockstar." Also, I just spent a half hour driving my roommate's car into a parking spot a half mile away drunk. Mad Max, welcome to Thunderdome!

11:30 - British people are gay. They smell like soccer and douches.

11:31 - This just in again: : Larry Merchant STILL hates black people. And Jews. And the internet.

11:32 - Jim Lampley just thought Emaneul Stewart was his wife and made love to him after punching him in the face repeatedly. The aberration: No pull out.

11:34 - The fight is already downhill after Michael Buffer forgets to turn his microphone on, and his vibrator. TOM JONES! I'm not even sure how to respond. But Britain sucks. Look. Ricky Hatton is cool, but has he ever showed up to fight a Mexican in a bullet vest! TYRESE!

11:39 - Mark Cuban and Wayne Newton!? Am I on crack?! Seriously, I did not smoke THAT much pot.

11:41 - Hatton's entrance sucks... I am shitting everywhere in anticipation of Mayweather. Oh good, blue sequins, I feel like I'm watching a gay irish dancing recital.

11:43 - BORN IN THE USA! WITH WAYNE NEWTON AND MARK CUBAN! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! ONCE AGAIN, I LOVE FLOYD MAYWEATHER! JERSEY!

11:45 - This fight brought to you by Amurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrica.

11:46 - Paul Smith looks like he ate the last doughnut.

11:47 - This just in: British people hate black people. A lot.

11:52 - Even round. I give it to Mayweather because it was even. Mayweather 10, Hatton 9.

11: 56 - Round to Hatton - Even. Hatton 19 - Mayweather 19.

12:00 - Roung to Mayweather? He cut Hatton. 28 - 29 Mayweather.

12:04 - Round DEFINITELY to Mayweather - Mayweather - 39 - Hatton 37, but I could see the fight being tied at this point. Also, this just in, YORKTOWN MOTHAFUCKA!

12:08 - Round to Hatton, definitely - Mayweather 48 - Hatton - 47.

12:12 - Hatton wins, but rabbit punch = draw. Mayweather - 57 - Hatton 56.

12:16 - Hatton wins that round, easily. Tied up.

12:20 - Mayweather definitely wins the 8th, he looks GOOD, up 1 round.

12:24 - Mayweather wins in a quasi-draw - He's up two rounds.

12:27 - Hatton fought well, but Floyd was amazing. EASILY, Floyd's most difficult fight. He took him out. The post fight discussion was great, Ricky Hatton you know the whole time is thinking, "God I hate black people." This just in AGAIN: Larry Merchant thinks black people are undisciplined.

12:29 - Can't nobody take my priiiiiiiiiide, can't nobody hollllllld me dowwwwwwwwn, oh no. I got to keep on mooooooovin

12:32 - British people just booed Jesus Christ... our savior after Mayweather mentioned him because Larry Merchant just claimed to be a descendant of the prophhet Mohammed. I think.