Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Random Thoughts While Sitting Unproductively at Work:

Ten things I think I think...

Just kidding. I'm not a faggot like Peter King.

So, I initially was really hesitant about the Olympics and found myself unable to get into it. I'm not sure if the sports just didn't interest me, or if it took George Bush smacking Misty May-Treanor on the ass to do it, but I am now officially in on the Olympics. I think my favorite story so far was Kerri Walsh losing her wedding ring during one of her matches and causing a long delay which lead to at least 4 dudes at the bar I was at saying in unison, "And that's why women shouldn't be allowed to play sports."

I agree with Anthony on the Aaron Rodgers thing completely. I was also extremely anti-Rodgers coming out of college and I really savored his drop in the draft that year, but I think this whole Favre nonsense has just made me really empathise with the guy. I guess that might not be the right word because while I might understand what it's like to sit second chair to somebody and being unable to realize your potential (note: I'm constantly not realizing my potential on a daily basis), I certainly don't understand what it's like to make $45 million while not realizing my potential.

Michael Phelps is awesome. I know he's a douchebag who nearly set ablaze a house on State Street by putting a tennis ball in a microwave, but man, he is really fucking good. I'm proud to drunkenly chant "U-S-A" whenever he's in the pool because you know he's going to win. He has already knocked out two of the toughest gold medals he's going for in the Olympics. I think he's going to break Spitz's record and I'm glad that when we have to see countless commercials on the matter, some of them will feature Phelps in a giant yellow Michigan swim cap. Go Blue.

I'm getting stunningly optimistic about this year's football season for Michigan. I think I've officially drank the Kool-Aid (or huffed too much paint, probably), but I honestly foresee us winning 9-10 games this year. I don't have even the slightest hope for the Ohio State game for the first time in forever and that kills me. However, I don't see us losing many other games. I've totally bought into the Barwis hype and rightfully so. If you haven't yet, I'd recommend checking out the story on mgoblog about Terrence Taylor. This is a guy who's first-team all-Big 10 preseason, and Barwis drove him so hard that he spent nights crying and contemplating quitting football. If our team isn't in the greatest condition it's ever been in this fall, I'd be shocked.

I think, at the end of the day, our defense is going to be really, really, really good. Our secondary isn't going to be a liability for the first time in awhile. I am genuinely excited to see Donovan Warren, Morgan Trent, Brandon Harrison, Stevie Brown, Chuckie Stewart, and Boubacar Cissoko (yes, Boubacar) shutting down the passing game this year. Additionally, while our LB corps may not be elite, I think our defensive line will be. We have probably the best DT in the Big Ten in Terrance Taylor, and Will Johnson has apparently improved the most out of anyone on the team over the offseason. Add that to some potential first-team all-Big Ten defensive ends in Tim Jamison and Brandon Graham and I think you have a fairly scary unit.

I think our offense is going to be average. I know we don't have experience anywhere, and our passing game will be tough to watch at times (make that all of the time if NCAA 2009 is any indication), but our ground game will be good. There's no way in hell out of Brandon Minor, Carlos Brown, and Sam McGuffie, we don't find a guy who is an elite running back. I just refuse to believe it. So while I don't think our team overall is going to be elite, I think our combination of talent and preparedness is going to mean we don't lose to teams that we're worse than, which, lucky for us, probably means we're losing to Ohio State and maybe an Illinois or Wisconsin. We will beat Notre Dame. I'd stake my life on that.

Brandon Graham is officially the new Big N. He replaces BNC - Shawn Crable, who admirably held the title during his career at Michigan. Congratulations, Shawn. You did us proud. Brandon, you have some big shoes to fill. BNG!

I'm genuinely excited about Brett Favre being on the Jets. I'm not a Jets fan (obviously) but people outside of New York don't understand that there is absolutely no hatred or rivalry between the Jets and Giants. There's just never really been a time where both teams have been competitive which, frankly, is almost entirely the Jets fault (jab!). So I'm really looking forward to seeing Brett Favre 16 times a year throwing balls underhanded into triple coverage on 3rd and 20. It's going to be awesome. I'm also looking forward to Jets fans being unabashedly optimistic and pro-Favre, potentially turning on him at mid-season, but still sporting the unbelievably awesome/must-have Favre Jets jersey.

I've been thinking about this for awhile, and I think this season could lead to the absolute most riverboat gamblingest season from Favre to date. Think about it. He no longer has this pristine image/name to keep in Green Bay, he has absolutely nothing to lose in New York on a team that before he arrived saw fans probably envisioning a 7-9 season at best, and it's probably his last year. I mean, there's no fucking way this guy doesn't just come out and throw obscenely wild passes downfield with little regard to who's in the area and who's coming at him, right? He might not be sacked all year. He literally will throw the ball just to throw it. I'm just praying that dog or the black guy from the Wrangler commercials doesn't injure him after a pass because it is going to be entertaining. I am absolutely making the over bet on Favre interceptions on sportsbook. I can't even imagine a more enjoyable bet to make. Well, other than betting on Kashif getting arrested with a transvestite prostitute over Labor Day weekend. That's a fun bet.

Also a fun bet? Lindsay Lohan coming out the closet.

Turns out when I'm out with a group of British dudes trying to pick up chicks when I'm hammered, I absolutely cannot maintain a remotely decent British accent. Highly disappointing.

Not disappointing? Scarlet Johanssen and Penelope Cruz making out in a movie.

I don't know if anyone has seen the previews for "The Island", MTV's newest incarnation of The Gauntlet/Inferno/Battles of the Sexes series, but it looks fucking awesome. The cut shots were very short but I think these are the things I saw: 1) Blonde guy from Hollywood openly weeping and also falling from a considerable distance from a palm tree 2) Janelle fucking some guy on the beach 3) Derrick being intense and 4) Paula Walnut's new tit job. Sign me the fuck up. Combine all of these things with an incredulous TJ Lavin judging various participants for "not competing" and you have yourselves the making of what should be an Emmy award winning show.

Not sure if anyone is watching (scratch that, I know you're not watching) the show G's to Gents on MTV, but it has officially led to me adding the phrase "G checked" to my lexicon. It's sort of like "you got served" but fresher and more to the point.

I'm officially excited for the new 90210. It features Michael from the Wire as a "I don't belong" poor kid trying to make it in the fast paced world of Beverly Hills (see: Ryan from the OC). I don't think this can fail. I am really, really excited. There. I said it.

Pineapple Express was hilarious. Also hilarious? Getting into a verbal sparring session with 9/11 Truth protestors outside the theater and outside the World Trade Center site. Thanks guys, you're a riot.

Can the Yankees buy a fucking vowel? This injury situation is getting borderline absurd. We need Mike Barwis. These guys aren't ready to play when they go out there. I think we're about 4 weeks away from employing Anthony as a crafty veteran soft-tosser to pitch as the #2 starter behind Mike Mussina. I'd actually be fine with that. At least now when we lose I'd get a very hearty laugh out of it. This is officially the first time I've genuinely been deeply concerned about the Yankees ability to make the playoffs since about, oh, 1997. These previous years didn't scare me because I know every sportswriter is just being a completely irrational and sensationalist douchebag when writing about how the Yankees are "finished" when they're just 8 games out in the middle of fucking June. However, I am now officially scared. Scratch that earlier statement, I think we're about 4 weeks away from bringing back Hideki Irabu... or Jim Abbott who pitched masterfully at Old Timers' Day.

Here's a depressing thought. Is the Old Timers' Day pitching staff better than our current one? The Old Timers' Day staff had, among others, Jim Abbott, David Cone, Boomer Wells, Graeme Lloyd and Jeff Nelson. I'm saying I take that staff. Like now, not even in their primes. Like 45 year old Abbott, Cone, Wells, Lloyd and Nelson.

Two thoughts on Olympic basketball:

1) I hate the nickname "The Redeem Team." Hate it. Want to punch the name in the face.
2) I am a little disturbed by Dwyane Wade's bald head. He's an attractive man, and now I think he looks a little psychotic or something. It's weird. Go back to the other non-dreadlock/cornrow haircut option for black men, Dwyane.

Oh, you thought you were going to get basketball analysis? Nope.

One final point before I stop procrastinating. I've though about this and mentioned it to a few people, but isn't the use of "Bless you" after someone sneezes really fucking weird? I do it all the time, so I'm not judging, but think about it. Particularly when it's directed towards a stranger. That just seems odd to me. Particularly considering the fact that there's a 50% chance you're telling it to someone who is hell-bound communism-loving atheist. You're essentially saying, "Hey person I don't know at all! May God look down upon you and give you his strength because I just saw a vicious stream of snot shoot violently from your nasal passageways!"


At 10:20 PM, Anonymous Nate said...

First, this post is terrible. It's not that hard to provide some structure or a clear topic. What I'd really like is some way I could use track changes mode to adequately mark this up. Someone figure that out and get back to me.

The Olympics are awesome, in no small part to Bob Costas. There has to be a way for Costas to get more sports. And you don't want to watch women's beach volleyball? That's really your position? They're stupid, yes, and the ring thing was ridiculous, but I can think of several other sports that are much worse to watch (like Women's soccer or Equestrian).

And Chubbs you seem to be confusing not having any potential with not realizing potential.

Phelps sucks. I'd trade him to China for their synchronized diving team every time. Those people are impressive.

These unexplainably high expectations seem to be increasingly common among Michigan fans, and merit a more focused discussion. Getting to a bowl game is a success this year. No one should be talking about 10 wins because there's too much we don't know. I agree the defense should be better, but that's mainly because it was terrible last year. More importantly, there's no way to know how the offense is going to be. It's probably going to be worse (everyone leaves, plus completely new system). And sure we have a lot of talent at RB, but the OL is almost completely unproven. I keep hearing Noel Devine-esque bandied about around McGuffie, but that's an absolute best case scenario and certainly not guaranteed. All I'm saying is let's be reasonable people--this is Rich Rod's first season, and there are going to be growing pains.

re: Favre, I don't even see how it would be possible for him to be more of a gunslinger than he's been the past few years, unless he started just immediately throwing it after receiving the snap. Of course he'll be throwing crazy passes all year, but that's just par for the course by now. the nfl should make some sort of rule/marketing promotion where players are allowed to use the products they endorse on the field, allowing Favre to play in Wranglers and Ben Roethlisberger to use his FatHead to confuse blitzers. I'd also love to see a special ruling that allowed FAvre to just keep playing in his Packer's jersey.

and no, saying bless you isn't weird at all. writing about how weird it is for a paragraph is weird.

At 5:11 PM, Blogger D. Bickel said...


coming out swinging... The "Aids is funny/serious" Trophy is going to be awesome this year... a lot of tension and intensity.

although i'm not sure how you can be against phelps bootsy. he goes to michigan. he's the one thing as michigan sports fans that we can hang our hat on... granted it's swimming.... but i'm take pride in having attended the same university as the world's most decorated olympian.

as far as michigan football this year... all i know is that we have no qb... and no o-line. our only starter returning on the line got abused all year last year... i mean, it's great hearing all about barwis and stuff and i'm completely buying in to his system, but there's just too much inexperience combined with the injuries to zirbel and huyge and we're talking about having true freshmen on the two deep.

the keys to success this year are:
1. no more key injuries
2. protect the ball. whoever our qb is, if he can manage the game and not turn the ball over, i think we'll be able to contain most teams with our defense and break a few big plays with tay odoms, michael shaw, greg matthews, mcguffie, minor, brown, etc...
3. safety play

steve brown & harrison/stewart need to clean up in pass coverage better than our safeties have in the past. they're going to be the key to the defense.

4. terrance "sack master sack" taylor. if he can play inspired football and clog up the center and disrupt the middle and let brandon graham, will johnson and jamison make plays, it will ease the pressure on the secondary cuz the d-line will be getting mad pressure.

that said... i'm fine with 7-5. i'd be happy with 8-4. and i'd be pleased with 1-11 if the win is over osu... but those first 11 weeks wouldnt be pretty.

i dont know how you can say you'd stake your life over us beating notre dame when we're in a very similar situation to what they were in last year... minus having an emu at qb or an orca as our head coach.

a side comment... somewhat unrelated to this post... has anyone been watching generation kill.... i mean, mainly bootsy... as a fellow avid wire fan, i certainly hope you are watching david simon's latest masterpiece.

granted, it's no wire... but it's still a capitivating 65 minutes every week... ZIGGY!

At 10:50 AM, Anonymous beutj said...

ignoring bootsy's comments...

while i remain wholeheartedly on the BNG bandwagon, he doesn't get the moniker until he earns it. now, i have stated that i think he's blowing up this year and leaving early to be a 1st/2nd round pick. but i think we have to wait until he explodes the utah qb 3 times before he's officially BNG.


yeah, generation kill is pretty good. the first episode was awful but stick with it because it gets much much better. ziggy! also it features one of the male models from zoolander as a total badass marine, which is nice.

At 9:53 AM, Blogger Mr. Intensity said...


Sometimes, I like to riverboat gamble with things. Such as, in no particular order, relationships, careers, friendships, my car, my physical safety, and all sorts of other things.

But not my Rick's VIP card. You don't gamble with that. No sir.

At 9:54 AM, Blogger Mr. Intensity said...

Oh, and I always hated Phelps, too. Then I got wasted with him a couple times in May/April (he was trying to score with Emily Broderick. I was just along for the free Bell's pitchers). He's actually a fun guy to get completely hammered with and talk about "The Wire." Also, he parties. I mean, when the dude drinks, he drinks. A tip of the cap to not only the greatest olympian of all time, but also a phenomenal binge drinker. He has respect for the latter moreso than the former in my book.

At 1:04 PM, Blogger Mr. Intensity said...

also, i disagree with bootsy. i liked the format

At 6:25 PM, Blogger D. Bickel said...

just some additional thoughts as i saw mr. intensity's comments...

#1) my worst fears about our football team are true. our qbs were worse than i thought, and our o-line play was just ugly. say anything you want about not running out of an i-formation... but when the o-line isn't getting push, it doesnt matter if you're running out of triple wing.... additionally, our safety play was far less than stellar and our linebackers, outside of obi ezeh & jonas mouton, are slower than expected.

#2. speaking of jonas... jonas mouton played a good game which is good because he has the athleticism panter doesnt. apparently. i honestly don't remember many specifics about the game outside of michigan's td's, sheridan's terrible interception and that 3rd and long play that looked eerily similar to the app st play in the first half... right down to stevie brown getting owned again. i guess walking into the bar and doing 4 solo shot back to back to back to back isn't the best way to keep your head clear before a game... oh well.. it helped numb the pain.

#3. 7 wins might be pushing it. this weekend will tell us a lot more about the squad... see if they've adjusted from first game jitters... got some more experience. should beat miami oh. if we struggle tomorrow, uhhhh, not good.

#4. you NEVER gamble the Rick's VIP card.

#5. when's the last time michigan had 6 sacks in a game? ok... so it was notre dame last year... but seriously... that was refreshing.

#6. 313 yds in the first half... excuse me, i just vomited on my keyboard... and all over metro 53. another jaeger bomb and 2 more soco lime shots please...


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