Off the Reservation

2008-11-01T09:15:00.002-04:00

NBA BLOG Halloween Edition:

I have no idea what to think about Dwyane Wade this season. In game 1 against the Knicks he acted like Kobe Bryant of three years ago. He shot constantly, was ornery with teammates, showed no chemistry with the young guys and refused to pass the ball to anyone other than Udonis Haslem. That combined with his lifelong refusal to guard three point shooters when he is off the ball made for a maddening game against a Knicks team that has a fair amount of offensive talent. The thing that has always separated Wade at his best from LeBron and Kobe has been Wade's security on the offensive floor. Both Kobe and LeBron seem to make up their mind about who is finishing a play with 20 seconds left on the shot clock. Wade, at his best, is like Steve Nash - able to hold on to the ball until the last moment and find open guys or finish at the hoop. Wade's 20 point 8 assist performance against the Kings was Wade at his best - his 29 and 9 against the Knicks was him at his worst.
One more note about the Heat, Michael Beasley is an ambidextrous freak of nature. He can finish with either hand from 8 feet in. Oddly, the HEAT, so far are not running him many plays at all, making him mainly a spot up shooter. If they want to save Wade's legs and free up Marion near the boards, Beasley has to be able to make plays.
The Kings are going to be the worst team in the league. Kevin Martin is the only legitimate starter on that team. And, he's a shooting guard who average 2 assists per game last year. He's a scorer, not a playmaker - like super Jeff Hornacek. Everyone else on that team blows.
I refuse to acknowledge that I picked Orlando to make the finals. They are not a very good team. Jameer Nelson needs to be on a bench somewhere and there is no way Turkoglu is as good as he was last season. I hate to take the Celtics, but they look the best so far and are as good as they were last season. I hate the Cavs, because I'm still not convinced LeBron really cares all that much; Miami doesn't have a post scorer.... I'll get back to you.

2008-10-29T01:49:00.002-04:00

Blog from Day 1 of the NBA:

I have officially already drank the Bulls Kool-Aid for what seems like the 15th consecutive year. Apparently they are committing to Ty Thomas, D-Rose, and Luol Deng as their three go-to guys. They were the only ones to play more then 30 minutes tonight and all responded. Particularly Ty with a 15 and 10. They brought Hinrich, Gordon, Nocioni, and Noah off the bench today. You have to think this team will figure it out this year. Should I mention they were playing the Bucks? http://www.nba.com/games/20081028/MILCHI/boxscore.html
Bickel and Chubbs: This is the beginning of my "Greg Oden is a bum" campaign. Statline tonight: 0 pts. 2 turnovers, 1 block, 5 boards... and from watching the game. . HE LIMPS. .. CONSTANTLY.
Good news for Cavs fans: LeBron has learned a backdoor cut and spent most the game looking for easy baskets behind the defense. Bad news for Cavs fans: LeBron had Tony Allen posted up 5 feet from the hoop twice, no double team, and he dribbled away from the hoop to the three point line. Unbelievable these aren't layups for him, yet. But, in all honesty, their coach has a good strategy. LeBron is going to see lots of time at the 4. And, he responded by knocking the ball away from KG in the post and throwing in a couple of blocks. Bron could be a terror around the rim this year.

2008-10-26T09:44:00.004-04:00

The Definitive NBA Preview:

Ten Topics:

1) The Indiana Pacers and the Caucasian frontcourt: According to Sports Illustrated the Pacers are starting Mike Dunleavy, Troy Murphy, and Greg Foster this year. Why is no one talking about this? An entire frontcourt of white players?! This can't work, right? What must TJ Ford and Danny Granger be thinking? Who will this team guard? Granger is good on defense but he's a natural small forward and he's going to be defending the other team's best perimeter player every night? But, this also makes the Pacers a legitimate threat to go with an all-white team at some point this year. It's a stretch, but Diener, Dunleavy, Murphy, McRoberts, and Foster? It could happen.

2) LeBron James? Just another year for him this year. 30 8 and 8. A couple 50 point explosions, a few 15 assist games, and a top 3 MVP candidate. So why stay down on the league's most unique talent of all time? Because he still misuses his talents. If there was anything the Olympics showed us, it is that LeBron can be an absolute monster defending the rim and the post. It also showed his main flaw: How terribly uncomfortable he is playing off of the ball or with his back to the basket. With a playmaking and great shooting point guard that demands the ball in his hands, (Mo Williams) LeBron will have to find ways to be a force without running every play. The question is, can he?

3) Wade, Marion, Beasley, Haslem . . .and???? Wade should give the Heat another 60 games this year of being the most terrifying offensive force on the planet, Beasley should give them a surefire second option, and this team will be an outstanding rebounding team thanks to the four of these guys as well. Unfortunately, the East is officially back and they have zero other players. At least in the backcourt there is some potential with Banks, Chalmers, and Livingston to pair with Wade. But, in the front court, you only have spindly Dorell Wright (incidentally, another great rebounder), the awful Jamal Magloire and Mark Blount. I think they make the playoffs if these 4 stay healthy. But if even one goes down? . .You just can't win with Mario Chalmers, Mark Blount, Marcus Banks, and Jamal Magloire playing 30 minutes a night. . . can you?

4) The Hornets: Here is what I don't get about the Hornets.. Chris Paul has one of the greatest years ever for a point guard; David West stays healthy and has a career year; and Chandler realizes his full potential. Why do people think this team can be better than last year? There are only three ways it can get better: Julian Wright makes a leap and can back up 3 positions effectively or Paul morphs into a top 5 all time player. Those people that think Posey is making the difference is mistaken. Every year James (my 3rd favorite NBA player) gets a little worse at defending perimeter stars, and they need a guy who can guard guards, not forwards. Also, there is not a backup PG on the team worth even mentioning.

5) Gilbert Arenas: Yeah, Bill Simmons basically stole my whole point about Gil. He's a fun player to watch, but the Wizards would just be better with Andre Miller in this spot. They need someone to distribute and play some defense. They have all the scoring they need.

6) The Chicago Bulls are officially 11 deep, and might not make the playoffs: D-Rose, Captain Kirk, Luol Deng, Drew Gooden, Joakim, Ben Gordon, Larry Hughes, Ty Thomas, Noc, Thabo, and Aaron Gray. Fine, I hate Aaron Gray, but other people are high on him. But they have 10 guys who could be in the rotation on a championship team, but not 1 could be a top 2 guy on a championship team. I have been high on this team for so long, but damn, unless Rose turns out to be a legit star, I see them fighting for a playoff spot again.

7) For the 5th consecutive year, taking umbrage with Chubbs' "surprise" picks: Here is a hard and fast rule. In the NBA, to call a team a "surprise" you have to predict them to make the playoffs. And to call a team a "dissapointment," they need to actually be predicted to make the playoffs. Chubbs, however, has picked the Nuggets (playoff fringe contenders for 3 years and lost Camby) as his dissapointment, and the Knicks as his surprise with the disclaimer that HE DOESN'T THINK THE KNICKS WILL MAKE THE PLAYOFFS. This is a signficiant problem.

8) Ladies and Gentlemen: The softest starting 5 in NBA history: I present to you, Devin Harris, Vince Carter, Bobby Simmons, Yi Jianlian, and Brook Lopez. For those of you keeping track at home, the Nets front court averaged a total of 16.5 rebounds per game last year. . . Their center was in college. . . Just random teams from SI in the East .. Knicks averaged 24, Heat 31, Bucks 20, Hawks 22. . . I can keep going, but I'm willing to bet that every other starting frontcourt in the NBA averaged at least 20 rebounds in a game. . .

9) The Durantuala v. Oden part Deux: No one was more dissapointed by Durant's first year than I was, most notably his abominable shooting percentage from beyond the arc (29%). However, he still finisehd with 20, 4, and 3 - all this while being played as a SHOOTING Guard. . . Wait, so a 6'10" player with killer post moves and averaged a rebound every 3 minutes in college shouldn't be playing 30 feet from the hoop and going one on one with shooting guards when his handle is the ONLY FLAW IN HIS GAME! Durant is not a guard. He has never been a guard, he has never been a good enough ball handler or defender to be a guard... Yet, for the second consecutive year, he is starting as a shooting guard.

Whatever. The point is, that this is Durant's absolute floor as a player. 20 points a game on 42 percent shooting without much other statistical contribution.. Which is MUCH higher than Oden's floor. And always was.

Again, in college, Durant was a better rebounder, shooter, passer, ballhandler, on the ball defender, and leader than Greg Oden. Oden was and is better at one thing: blocking shots. He is great at it, and will be good at it in the NBA. But this debate will not end well for the Blazers.

10) Early Prediction: Spurs over Magic...

2008-10-22T21:45:00.002-04:00

Chubbs' NBA Preview

So I'm officially really excited for the NBA to start for the first time in awhile. I was quasi-excited last year... this year I"m excited enough to actually buy tickets to 4 Knicks games.

Anyshit. Here's my projected standings and other probably incorrect predictions.

East (purely by record - not considering division winners):
1. Boston Celtics
2. Cleveland Cavaliers
3. Detroit Pistons
4. Orlando Magic
5. Philadelphia 76ers
6. Miami Heat
7. Toronto Raptors
8. Washington Wizards

Surprise team: Knicks (challenge but fail to make playoffs.)
Disappointing team: Hawks (losing Childress makes them unbearably thin on the bench, I hope I'm wrong about this though. I love NBA Horford and the Hawks.)

West:
1. Los Angeles Lakers
2. New Orleans Hornets
3. Utah Jazz
4. Phoenix Suns
5. San Antonio Spurs
6. Houston Rockets
7. Portland Trailblazers
8. Dallas Mavericks

Surprise teams: Clippers (thought they ended up doing pretty well (all things considered) in the offseason) and T'Wolves
Disappointing team: Denver

MVP: Chris Paul
Most Improved Player: Amir Johnson
Rookie of the Year: Greg Oden
Breakout Player: Al Horford (I still think the Hawks will suck)

Finals: Hornets over Pistons

2008-08-21T00:51:00.002-04:00

TEAM USA: The Corvette Lineup

In another classy game from the American side, the US was legitimately tested for the first time all Olympics nearly losing the first quarter to the chippy Australians. LeBron had a great game along with Deron Williams. All that aside, though. For two minutes, Coach K showed the lineup that he has in his back pocket when all the chips are down. In the second quarter with Australia still hanging around. Coach K made substitutions resulting in this look
PG: Deron Williams
SG: Dwyane Wade
SF: Kobe Bryant
PF: Carmelo Anthony
C: LeBron James

Quickly, Anthony picked up his second foul and was substituted out for Chris Bosh (who, incidentally, is a phenomenal international basketball player. He shoots, he defends inside, defends the perimeter. His offensive post game is not great, but he is solid and fun to watch.) But, this is the lineup K will turn to if the game is close in the 2nd or 3rd to try to turn the game around. For about two minutes they were dominant - the best offensive and defensive lineup the US can throw at you.
The three best shooters - Williams, Bryant, and Anthony, team up with the two most dynamic offensive players in the tournament - James and Wade. In addition, James has proved to be the most effective player at defending the rim for the US with weakside blocks (Bryant and Wade also thrive in that role.)

So, look for this lineup the next time the US finds themselves in a major pinch.

2008-08-12T18:41:00.002-04:00

Random Thoughts While Sitting Unproductively at Work:

Ten things I think I think...

Just kidding. I'm not a faggot like Peter King.

So, I initially was really hesitant about the Olympics and found myself unable to get into it. I'm not sure if the sports just didn't interest me, or if it took George Bush smacking Misty May-Treanor on the ass to do it, but I am now officially in on the Olympics. I think my favorite story so far was Kerri Walsh losing her wedding ring during one of her matches and causing a long delay which lead to at least 4 dudes at the bar I was at saying in unison, "And that's why women shouldn't be allowed to play sports."

I agree with Anthony on the Aaron Rodgers thing completely. I was also extremely anti-Rodgers coming out of college and I really savored his drop in the draft that year, but I think this whole Favre nonsense has just made me really empathise with the guy. I guess that might not be the right word because while I might understand what it's like to sit second chair to somebody and being unable to realize your potential (note: I'm constantly not realizing my potential on a daily basis), I certainly don't understand what it's like to make $45 million while not realizing my potential.

Michael Phelps is awesome. I know he's a douchebag who nearly set ablaze a house on State Street by putting a tennis ball in a microwave, but man, he is really fucking good. I'm proud to drunkenly chant "U-S-A" whenever he's in the pool because you know he's going to win. He has already knocked out two of the toughest gold medals he's going for in the Olympics. I think he's going to break Spitz's record and I'm glad that when we have to see countless commercials on the matter, some of them will feature Phelps in a giant yellow Michigan swim cap. Go Blue.

I'm getting stunningly optimistic about this year's football season for Michigan. I think I've officially drank the Kool-Aid (or huffed too much paint, probably), but I honestly foresee us winning 9-10 games this year. I don't have even the slightest hope for the Ohio State game for the first time in forever and that kills me. However, I don't see us losing many other games. I've totally bought into the Barwis hype and rightfully so. If you haven't yet, I'd recommend checking out the story on mgoblog about Terrence Taylor. This is a guy who's first-team all-Big 10 preseason, and Barwis drove him so hard that he spent nights crying and contemplating quitting football. If our team isn't in the greatest condition it's ever been in this fall, I'd be shocked.

I think, at the end of the day, our defense is going to be really, really, really good. Our secondary isn't going to be a liability for the first time in awhile. I am genuinely excited to see Donovan Warren, Morgan Trent, Brandon Harrison, Stevie Brown, Chuckie Stewart, and Boubacar Cissoko (yes, Boubacar) shutting down the passing game this year. Additionally, while our LB corps may not be elite, I think our defensive line will be. We have probably the best DT in the Big Ten in Terrance Taylor, and Will Johnson has apparently improved the most out of anyone on the team over the offseason. Add that to some potential first-team all-Big Ten defensive ends in Tim Jamison and Brandon Graham and I think you have a fairly scary unit.

I think our offense is going to be average. I know we don't have experience anywhere, and our passing game will be tough to watch at times (make that all of the time if NCAA 2009 is any indication), but our ground game will be good. There's no way in hell out of Brandon Minor, Carlos Brown, and Sam McGuffie, we don't find a guy who is an elite running back. I just refuse to believe it. So while I don't think our team overall is going to be elite, I think our combination of talent and preparedness is going to mean we don't lose to teams that we're worse than, which, lucky for us, probably means we're losing to Ohio State and maybe an Illinois or Wisconsin. We will beat Notre Dame. I'd stake my life on that.

Brandon Graham is officially the new Big N. He replaces BNC - Shawn Crable, who admirably held the title during his career at Michigan. Congratulations, Shawn. You did us proud. Brandon, you have some big shoes to fill. BNG!

I'm genuinely excited about Brett Favre being on the Jets. I'm not a Jets fan (obviously) but people outside of New York don't understand that there is absolutely no hatred or rivalry between the Jets and Giants. There's just never really been a time where both teams have been competitive which, frankly, is almost entirely the Jets fault (jab!). So I'm really looking forward to seeing Brett Favre 16 times a year throwing balls underhanded into triple coverage on 3rd and 20. It's going to be awesome. I'm also looking forward to Jets fans being unabashedly optimistic and pro-Favre, potentially turning on him at mid-season, but still sporting the unbelievably awesome/must-have Favre Jets jersey.

I've been thinking about this for awhile, and I think this season could lead to the absolute most riverboat gamblingest season from Favre to date. Think about it. He no longer has this pristine image/name to keep in Green Bay, he has absolutely nothing to lose in New York on a team that before he arrived saw fans probably envisioning a 7-9 season at best, and it's probably his last year. I mean, there's no fucking way this guy doesn't just come out and throw obscenely wild passes downfield with little regard to who's in the area and who's coming at him, right? He might not be sacked all year. He literally will throw the ball just to throw it. I'm just praying that dog or the black guy from the Wrangler commercials doesn't injure him after a pass because it is going to be entertaining. I am absolutely making the over bet on Favre interceptions on sportsbook. I can't even imagine a more enjoyable bet to make. Well, other than betting on Kashif getting arrested with a transvestite prostitute over Labor Day weekend. That's a fun bet.

Also a fun bet? Lindsay Lohan coming out the closet.

Turns out when I'm out with a group of British dudes trying to pick up chicks when I'm hammered, I absolutely cannot maintain a remotely decent British accent. Highly disappointing.

Not disappointing? Scarlet Johanssen and Penelope Cruz making out in a movie.

I don't know if anyone has seen the previews for "The Island", MTV's newest incarnation of The Gauntlet/Inferno/Battles of the Sexes series, but it looks fucking awesome. The cut shots were very short but I think these are the things I saw: 1) Blonde guy from Hollywood openly weeping and also falling from a considerable distance from a palm tree 2) Janelle fucking some guy on the beach 3) Derrick being intense and 4) Paula Walnut's new tit job. Sign me the fuck up. Combine all of these things with an incredulous TJ Lavin judging various participants for "not competing" and you have yourselves the making of what should be an Emmy award winning show.

Not sure if anyone is watching (scratch that, I know you're not watching) the show G's to Gents on MTV, but it has officially led to me adding the phrase "G checked" to my lexicon. It's sort of like "you got served" but fresher and more to the point.

I'm officially excited for the new 90210. It features Michael from the Wire as a "I don't belong" poor kid trying to make it in the fast paced world of Beverly Hills (see: Ryan from the OC). I don't think this can fail. I am really, really excited. There. I said it.

Pineapple Express was hilarious. Also hilarious? Getting into a verbal sparring session with 9/11 Truth protestors outside the theater and outside the World Trade Center site. Thanks guys, you're a riot.

Can the Yankees buy a fucking vowel? This injury situation is getting borderline absurd. We need Mike Barwis. These guys aren't ready to play when they go out there. I think we're about 4 weeks away from employing Anthony as a crafty veteran soft-tosser to pitch as the #2 starter behind Mike Mussina. I'd actually be fine with that. At least now when we lose I'd get a very hearty laugh out of it. This is officially the first time I've genuinely been deeply concerned about the Yankees ability to make the playoffs since about, oh, 1997. These previous years didn't scare me because I know every sportswriter is just being a completely irrational and sensationalist douchebag when writing about how the Yankees are "finished" when they're just 8 games out in the middle of fucking June. However, I am now officially scared. Scratch that earlier statement, I think we're about 4 weeks away from bringing back Hideki Irabu... or Jim Abbott who pitched masterfully at Old Timers' Day.

Here's a depressing thought. Is the Old Timers' Day pitching staff better than our current one? The Old Timers' Day staff had, among others, Jim Abbott, David Cone, Boomer Wells, Graeme Lloyd and Jeff Nelson. I'm saying I take that staff. Like now, not even in their primes. Like 45 year old Abbott, Cone, Wells, Lloyd and Nelson.

Two thoughts on Olympic basketball:

1) I hate the nickname "The Redeem Team." Hate it. Want to punch the name in the face.
2) I am a little disturbed by Dwyane Wade's bald head. He's an attractive man, and now I think he looks a little psychotic or something. It's weird. Go back to the other non-dreadlock/cornrow haircut option for black men, Dwyane.

Oh, you thought you were going to get basketball analysis? Nope.

One final point before I stop procrastinating. I've though about this and mentioned it to a few people, but isn't the use of "Bless you" after someone sneezes really fucking weird? I do it all the time, so I'm not judging, but think about it. Particularly when it's directed towards a stranger. That just seems odd to me. Particularly considering the fact that there's a 50% chance you're telling it to someone who is hell-bound communism-loving atheist. You're essentially saying, "Hey person I don't know at all! May God look down upon you and give you his strength because I just saw a vicious stream of snot shoot violently from your nasal passageways!"

2008-08-10T12:27:00.002-04:00

Jet Favre!

Brett Favre is a Jet. Chad Pennington is a Dolphin. And, both teams are delightfully mediocre. Really, for me personally, this whole saga could not have played out any worse. Pennington is now in Miami delaying the brilliant Chad Henne era that I was ramping up for, and Favre is in New York which will take the Brett Favre coverage from totally ungodly annoying to psychotic.

The weirdest aspect of all this is how I became somehow pro Aaron Rodgers in all this nonsense. I didn't even think he deserved to be a first round pick when he was drafted. I figured him to be a weak-armed product of Joe Tedford's system at Cal which has produced not just mediocre but terrible quarterbacks in the NFL. But, now, given the beard and hair he grew out in the offseason and the "f u" attitude he took with this whole situation. I am starting to believe he could actually be a good quarterback.

And one more thought on Pennington. Remember, last year when Leftwich was cut for David Garrard. And, everyone was like, "Wow, not a terrible move. But Leftwich could really help some team that needs a QB." And then he got to Atlanta and everyone realized that he is not even a back-up quality quarterback in the NFL. I see this situation with Pennington playing out quite similarily. And with Henne and Beck waiting in the wings I just really have to believe that Pennington will not be starting the second half of this season.

2008-08-10T12:11:00.002-04:00

Thoughts on Team USA's route of China:

Dwyane Wade is finally healthy after about 18 months of not being so. And, again he has established that, when healthy, he is the most terrifying offensive basketball player on the planet. 19 points of 7/7 from the field and 5/5 from the FT line. Made several passes that led immediately to fouls on China and had a massive alley oop pass to LeBron James in the coolest play of the day.
Wade has been great but he also typifies the major flaw of Team USA on defense. They still just don't get that you need to guard the three point line at all times. Wade regularly doubles down, gambles off the ball and jumps in front of screens. And China stayed in the game into the third quarter because they had so many open looks from deep. They really need to stay at home more often because one-on-one, there are not many players capable of really breaking down any of USA's defenders.
Jason Kidd is playing purely out of respect for him at this point. Don't get me wrong, he had a nice game and on a fast break the passes he picked out were really awesome to watch. But still, Deron Williams is a great shooter, and Chris Paul is a better pentrator and better in the half court. Kidd is losing playing time and that will continue.
George W. George H.W. and some old Chinese Prime Minister was in the stands for the game (W was even in the huddle with team USA before hand!) Also up there was Jeb and one of the Bush daughters (not the saucy one who went to Texas, the other one.) So, at one point they show the 8 of them on the Jumbotron, and honest to God, Jeb elbows W's daughter and like excitedly points at the damn screen! This guy was governor of Florida for 8 years was in the middle of the 2000 election imbroglio and still gets as excited when he makes the big screen as my fellow blogger Chubbs would. Good times.
These Chinese people love Kobe Bryant. It's crazy.
I was wildly impressed with Chris Bosh today. He was a fierce rebounder, terriffic defender and I have become convinced that he can handle the late-game duties at center if Dwight Howard's free throw troubles continue.
Finally, seeing either Dwight Howard or LeBron James bully their way to the hoop on a fast break is going to continue to be the most pleasing subplot of these games. Both those guys are absolute horrors when they have a full head of steam. Yao got totally dazed trying and failing to take a charge from LeBron and Dwight just routinely dunked on guys like they were not there. Neither of these things are really relevant to US's chances at gold. But both are pleasing to the eye.

2008-07-12T11:12:00.002-04:00

Baseball and Run Differentials.

As we all know, it is run differential which is more indicative of future success than actual win total is. Since we have just passed by the midway point, allow me to reposition the postseason candidates via their run differential.

The Sure Thing:

Chicago Cubs (+107)
As much as it pains me to say this, the Cubs have been the most dominant team in baseball this year. Even more so than their record indicates (it's the best in baseball.) They have a terror of a lineup, a solid bullpen, and enough starting pitchig - especially with the addition of Rich Harden - who, at his worst will give them 8 great starts before breaking down. (Actually, if I was the Cubs I wouldn't even let him pitch until about 4 weeks left in the season so he's fresh for the postseason. Stuff gets no better than Zambrano-Harden 1-2 punch.) But, it's safe to say that the Cubs are assured a spot in the postseason.

Good bets
Boston Red Sox (+87)
The Sox have "struggled" this year especially when they got swept by the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. But, they are nearly a sure thing to win the division even trailing the Rays. Their run differential is thirty runs better and they have done this largely without David Ortiz who could be returning. Additionally, they have more good major league-ready arms than any team in baseball. Injuries to their pitchers don't seem to phase them because they always have a Lester, Buchholz, Masterson who can step in. Okajima, though, has been terrible this year and shouldn't even have a job anymore.

Chicago White Sox (+82)
They seem to get by on smoke and mirrors sometimes. Gavin Floyd? John Danks? Jermain Dye? Carlos Quentin? If you look at the roster it seems like this is one of those flukey teams destined to fail in the second half. But, fact is, they have been much more solid than the Twins who only trail them by a game and a half despite a pretty meager run differential (+17). At this point it just can't be a fluke. Sox will roll to the title.

Philadelphia Philles (+81)
Hmm. I am almost hesitant to include them here because of the park they play in. They are awfully inconsistent when I watched them. But, they may have the game's best all around player in Chase Utley, and Howard is only starting to heat up. They're leading their division by only 1.5 games, but I can't see them playing much worse. Although, Mets and Marlins could both be in play here.

Surprise
Tampa Bay Rays (+53)
The Rays are for real. Nothing flukey about their run differential.

Oakland Athletics (+69)
Their differential has to make them the favorites going forward in the AL West - even with the loss of Harden.

After that there is a mess of teams with positive in differentials which are not too significant. The Yankees, Cardinals, Angels, Blue Jays, Twins, Mets, Brewers, and Braves.

Also, the Diamondbacks have been crappy this year and deserve their shitty record and run differential. But, I thought they were the best team in the NL at the start of the year, and I still think they can make a run with their talent.

2008-06-25T20:11:00.015-04:00

NBA MOCK DRAFT

Yes, we're doing the Chad Ford-Bill Simmons thing

1. Chicago Bulls - Derrick Rose G, Memphis

Chubbs - OK, so I really think that Michael Beasley is going to be the one true legendary player from this draft, but this is a foregone conclusion. I think Derrick Rose is a good pick here despite the fact that he won't be as good individually as Beasley. Rose is at a position of greater need for the Bulls (I know, I don't like drafting for need either), and I think he'll be a better addition to a team that needs a floor leader and someone who seems like more of a team player/winning mentality type guy. I go with Rose, but if I were the Bulls I probably would've looked a lot harder at Beasley than they appear to have.

Anthony: Yeah, the Bulls are going to take Rose, and, I'm torn. I guess I'm not sold on Beasley for some reason, yet. I had thought he was a dominant post player but now I hear that he is kind of a 'Melo-Horford hybrid. Which sounds good, but if he isn't going to do most of his work from the post, I'm not sure his value is extraordinary. For the Bulls they desperately need a game-changing offensive player - it doesn't matter the position. They will get one with this pick.

2. Miami Heat - OJ Mayo

Anthony: This is tough for me. I'm a dirty flip-flopping hypocrite of a liar. I have been trashing the Bulls for the last month because of their failure to embrace Beasley. I have been bitching about the Heat's refusal to add Beasley to the Marion and Haslem front line. For whatever reason the last 48 hours of pundits proclaiming how "mature" OJ Mayo is, and his burgeoning friendship with Dwyane Wade has almost completely shifted my point of view on this. It's extremely rare for the opportunity to add a high draft pick to a franchise player. The last team I can remember able to do this were the Spurs who got the number one pick after suffering through the David Robinson injury. Robinson and Duncan became friends - had a chemistry, and the rest is history. If Wade really likes Mayo - why not let Mayo be his Pippen. Mayo seems to really respect Wade, so maybe he plays second fiddle. One week ago I hated OJ Mayo. Now I'm lost, confused, and am excited about his future with D-Wade. Punch me in the face.

Chubbs: I mean, we all know my thoughts on OJ Mayo. What we might not all know, is that Verne Troyer has a sex tape.

3. Minnesota Timberwolves - Michael Beasley

Chubbs - Well I think this is a pretty easy selection here. I've been describing Michael Beasley as SuperMelo or Carmelo on steroids. Apparently everyone else has, and I no longer feel unique. I think his game is similar, although his range might be worse. However, he certainly makes up for it with superior rebounding and post-up ability. If you are the Timberwolves you would have to be crapping your pants if Beasley is still on the board, and it seems like this might actually be feasible. I don't quite get the Heat's aversion to Beasley, particularly because I think Beasley is the only sure thing in this draft in terms of a regular all-star. That being said, I think this is going to be a very good top 3, and there's one more guy left on the board that I really like to do things, but we'll wait to see where he goes before I point him out.

Anthony - Yeah, this would pretty much make the T-Wolves viable again. Would they even wait a minute on the clock. Hmm .. . We get the best player in the draft for the 3rd overall pick's salary. And now our front line of Corey Brewer, Michael Beasley, and Al Jefferson looks like it could really challenge teams in the West. No other pick would make the T-Wolves relevant. Really.

4. Seattle Supersonics - Jerryd Bayless

Anthony- Now. I'm not nuts about Bayless. He turns the ball over a lot, and I'm not sure he is even really a true point guard. He can definitely score and the Sonics are DESPERATE for a guard on that team. Ridnour, Earl Watson, and Damien Wilkins are fine bench players, but none of them should really be starting. You can't put Erick Gordon on a team with Durant because you need a guy who actually knows how to pass the ball. And Bayless is the better passer. Westbrook is also a definite option here. However, given Seattle's history (Saene, Petro, Swift) they will draft an oversized oaf of a center named Brook Lopez and have him become the fifth failed center still currently on the roster. Please, for Durant's sake, take Bayless.

Chubbs - Uh, sure? I guess? I don't know. I'm not sold on any of these remaining guards. I think Augustin and Chalmers could be solid starters or very solid rotation guys, but other than that, I'm not really buying. I am, however, buying the Mini Me porno when it comes out. I mean, come on, the girl's going to be hot, and it'll officially be the first time you won't be able to decide whether you're crying from laughter or crying because you always do when you masturbate. Anyway, I've gone off topic. I think the Sonics are awful. I mean look at their roster. Seriously, it's beyond awful. Durant will be sick, and Green will be a solid starter, but other than that. Jesus Christ. They need a big man. Otherwise, they're going to need this guy to step it up:

5. Memphis Grizzlies - Kevin Love, C

Chubbs - I love Kevin Love (pun intended or unintended, whatever, fuck you, I don't know how else to say it). I think his combination of passing ability, post-moves, and hard-nosed rebounding are going to make him a legitimate big man in the NBA. The Grizzlies desperately need a solid big man to go with their plethora of young guards. I mean, if they could make this Brian Cardinal and the 5th pick trade with the Knicks for the 6th pick, David Lee, and Malik Rose's expiring contract (which has been rumored by the way, I can't even make that trade up), they should do it, but I think Kevin Love would be a great choice.

Anthony - The Grizzlies suck.

6. New York Knicks - Joe Alexander, F

Anthony - People are saying that this Dano Italian guy is D'Antoni's type of player. Me, I don't really buy it just because they are both European. Alexander on the other hand is definitely a D'Antoni guy. He can shoot, jump, run the floor and is active. Now, if I were the Knicks I would go Westbrook here. But, I think D'Antoni wants a PURE point guard, not just some guy who can play the position. But, good god they really need a guard. Nate Robinson, Marbury, Fred Jones. The only one they have is Jamal Crawford.

Chubbs - As someone who watches the Knicks a lot and would like to see entertaining basketball games this year, I love this pick. I really, really like Joe Alexander. He's big, he's quick, and he can shoot. He has a lot of different skill sets and he's only been playing for a few years. He really impressed me in the Big East and NCAA tournament. So Mini Me's got a tiny penis, right? God, I love that scene in the Surreal Life where he's peeing off the side of his scooter drunk as shit. I digress. Again.

7. Los Angeles Clippers - DJ Augustin, PG

Chubbs - I know this isn't going to happen, but the Clippers need a guard (I guess), and I like Augustin the most out of the remaining guards. Sure his size (he's only six feet tall) is a concern because he can't play the 2, but with Shaun Livingston coming back, they could run a two guard set with those two. Augustin is a great shooter and he's lightning quick. DJ Augustin probably best rates out as Eddie House, but I'm saying I'll take it.

Anthony - Yeah, Augustin sucks. Clearly Westbrook should go here. Augustin is an undersized shoot first point guard who quite clearly ruined Texas' tourney run by not being able to get the ball to Durant slash taking horrible shots the whole game. There is precedent here with Sammy Cassell. But, really, just.. sigh.

8. Milwaukee Bucks - Eric Gordon, G

Anthony - I don't love Gordon's game. But, I do think he will be able to score. The Bucks pretty much have average players at all 5 positions. They need someone who has the chance to be special. As much as I think Gordon will flop, who else has a chance to score twenty points a game that is left? No one.

Chubbs - Yeah, I think Eric Gordon sucks. He's not a team player (he opted out of his LOI from Illinois and went to Indiana, and while he didn't cause the scandal, he sure as hell let it derail him and his teammates). He didn't shoot lights out from deep, and everyone is making him out to be this great shooter. Really 33% from the college three? Color me wholly unimpressed.

9. Charlotte Bobcats - Brook Lopez, C

Chubbs - The Bobcats apparently really want to help out Okafor and add some in the paint presence, and Lopez will help. I don't think he's ever going to become an NBA superstar. Far from it, but I think at the 9th pick he's a solid pickup. I think he could be a solid starter for a big man at the NBA level. However, don't even get me started on his fucking brother. How people are projecting this guy as a solid bench guy for defense and rebounding when he only averaged 5 rebounds/game as a STARTER in college.

Anthony - Congrats. You have just selected Chris Mihm.

10. New Jersey Nets - Russell Westbrook, G

Anthony: The long national nightmare is over for Westbrook. The Nets greedily grab him at the ten slot here and have him be the first guy off the bench backing up both Devin Harris and Vince Carter. He is the only guy left who really can create an impact for a team. Defensively, with ballhandling; Westbrook is ready to play right now. Steal for the Nets.

Chubbs - DAMMIT! I think Anthony just did this to spite me. He knows that I'm wildly anti-Russell Westbrook. I guess It'd be hard for me to complain about the Nets drafting a guy who could go as high as fourth with the tenth pick, but I don't know, I just don't foresee him being a great player. I guess he's fine at 10, but I think the Sonics are crazy to take him with the 4th pick knowing that Kevin Love or Joe Alexander are on the board. Believe it or not, I'd want the Nets to take Danilo Gallardo here.

11. Indiana Pacers - Darrell Arthur, PF

Chubbs - OK, this is a little rogue, because Kosta Koufas is still on the board, and most people like him more than Darrell Arthur, and I thought about Anthony Randolph here, but I don't like how everyone has backed off of him after workouts. I'd be fine with either of those, but Darrell Arthur is a big man who can run the floor and has a face up game. I think that'd be a great addition to the Pacers after they got rid of Jermaine O'Neal and picked up TJ Ford. They need to go big here for sure. Kinda like Mini Me's wiener.

Anthony- Well this goes perfectly with your irrational love of Brandan Wright from last year. "Look he looks so smooth." Yeah, that's fine, but he just doesn't do anything. By the way I love how you just throw in Joe Alexander - who if everything goes well - will be a rotation player for ten years, as one of the best players in the draft. Hmm. I have to say I'm smelling Roy Hibbert from the Pacers with one of their two picks.

12. Sacramento Kings - Brandon Rush, SG

Anthony- Just a solid pick. They need a young player to put in their rotation. Rush is solid. What . .Whatever.

Chubbs - I like Rush. I think he's a rotation player permanently. James Posey is his ceiling, but that's a good ceiling.

13. Portland Trailblazers - Danilo Gallinari, SF

Chubbs - Yeah, so I don't really think the Trailblazers will do this, but Gallinari will be another very solid rotation player, and frankly I just would never take this Ajinca guy or any of the other Euros. I think Gallinari would be a great value pick here. Whatever, let's end this, because I'm watching Real World and it's riveting.

2008-06-23T15:42:00.005-04:00

Boxing Part 2:

First, I am going to respond to fellow idiot, David Bickel's boxing questions and claims. These are taken directly from comments on my last article. And, they are pretty good casual boxing fan thoughts and questions.

1) Mayweather needs to come back and fight Cotto
Obviously, even casual fans understand that this fight needed/needs to happen. I saw Floyd in an interview explaining his beef with Cotto's promotional company - and I actually buy it. Floyd doesn't want to put coin in Bob Arum's pocket, because he doesn't like Bob. Ricky Hatton actually always used the same defense for ducking Junior Witter -a fellow UK Junior Welterweight. When you become this big of a star, you have the power to shit on people who don't treat you, right. Mayweather is basically saying that when Cotto is a big enough star to increase his pay in the fight, he will fight him. While it's not awesome, I don't mind that. My bigger problem with Floyd is that his last four fights: Arturo Gatti, Carlos Baldomir, Oscar De La Hoya, and Ricky Hatton were jokes in a lot of ways. He chose Baldomir because Carlos had just won a paper title and was slow (in fact Baldomir is nearly out of boxing only two years removed from that title fight); he put on a massively boring fight with De La Hoya for a quick buck (which I don't fault him for at all - it made him a star); and then he boxes a guy in a lower weight class who also isn't as fast as him. He has cherry picked overrated big name fighters for four consecutive fights, when the welterweight division is packed with great fighters - Paul Williams, Cotto, Margarito, Cintron, Collazo, and the biggest disgrace - Shane Mosely. Moseley - Mayweather would have been an absolutely huge fight, and Floyd's best chance at fighting a nearly mirrored opponent, and he ducked Moseley too! He has spent a good three years ducking an entire division - which happens to be the most exciting division in boxing. That is why I just can't put him as my pound for pound champion even when he returns. In many ways, his reign has been similar to Roy Jones Jr. Fight tough fights, work your way up, become a star, fight bums, stop challenging within your own division for megafights.

#2. i've only seen pavlik fight once... it was his last fight and he obliterated the dude he was fighting, so i was impressed.
Yeah, the Gary Lockett fight wasn't much. If you have HBO On-Demand you really need to go to Kelly Pavlik's Greatest Hits if they are still up there. He is the most exciting American fighter in the world. His fights against Zertuche, Miranda, Taylor, and Taylor II was a fantastic and impressive four fight stretch and Pavlik-Taylor I is the best fight I have ever seen live. I hope Kelly goes the other way than Mayweather. Here should be his plan:
1) Fight Winky Wright - Winky hasn't been heard from in well over a year; and always makes outrageous monetary claims he doesn't deserve. But Wink has to be desperate at this point. It's a dangerous scary fight for Kelly, but he needs to clear out the Middleweight division fast.
2) Fight Arthur Abraham - if he gets past Wright, he fights fellow titleholder Abraham from Germany. Go to Germany if you have to - it's not unprecedented. If he beats Winky and Abraham hs work is done in that division. He will go down as one of the greatest middleweights of all time, and can start marching up the ladder with no stone unturned.
Kelly and his trainer think he is big enough to one day even capture a Heavyweight crown. But he has to fight the best first.

#3. can ricky hatton fight again soon?

Yeah, Ricky fought just about a month ago on the Versus Network against Luis Collazo. It wasn't all that good of a fight. Ricky looked rusty and was almost dropped in the 10th round. In the fall he will fight this greasy New Jersey fighter Paul Malignanni , who looked even worse on Ricky's undercard that night. But, hopefully he will get by the Magic Man, and then we all could be in for a treat because Manny Pacquiao has plans to go up to Junior Welterweight to fight Hatton if they both keep winning. Old Ricky has always been a little overrated because he is so darn likable. His division is weak, and he's a lot older than his age because of his diet, drinking, lifestyle, weight changes. I think he probably has 4 fights left, and I would imagine that the Pac-Man would be his most dangerous remaining opponent.

2008-06-20T22:18:00.002-04:00

Boxing: Top 5 P4P.

Keep in mind, I only rate fighters down to Junior Lightweight. I just can't get goin on the little guys.

1) Miguel Cotto: Let's see he has crushed Shane Mosely and Carlos Quintana. He moves effortlessly between southpaw and classic style, and has an insane uppercut. Oh, yeah, and Mayweather spent two years ducking him, and De La Hoya wants to make him his farewell fight. Has an awesome fight with Antonio Margarito on the horizon.

2) Kelly Pavlik: The Ghost is the most exciting fighter in the game. He somehow combines the work rate of Joe Calzaghe with the brute force of Manny Pacquiao. He wins rounds by throwing tons of punches, yet also has as much power as anyone he faces. His defense isn't first class, but by god his chin sure is.

3) Juan Manuel Marquez - I saw the first two fights with Pacquiao. As much as I like Manny, JMM won them both despite only getting a draw and losing a majority decision. Phenomenal counter puncher.

4) Manny Pacquiao - Not much separates he and JMM. Pac-Man is by far the more exciting fighter with gaudy power and little defense.

5) Jermain Taylor - He beat Hopkins twice - who is somehow rated higher on most people's p4p lists. And, after switching back to his old trainer he nearly stole a decision off of Kelly Pavlik. He's got quick hands, and can deliver a mean counter punch. He caught Kelly clean a bunch of times in that second fight. The thing that really separates them is Kelly's chin. Taylor's face swells up and a shot on the kisser will take him out of his game. Kelly can just take a punch and keep moving forward

Guys that are not in this list and in most are:

Bernard Hopkins - I'm sorry. He fights anyone, which can be lauded. I am convinced he can nearly get a draw from any fighter in history. Unfortunately, he hasn't really won a fight in a long time. And he just sucks to watch.

Joe Calzaghe - Yeah. His fight with Hopkins was awful and I thought he lost it. What else is there to say. Everyone's favorite p4p has won tight decisions against exactly two guys - Hopkins and Kessler. And that puts him number one overall?

Shane Mosely - Fights anyone at any time. He is super fast. Fought Cotto well.

2008-06-20T19:11:00.008-04:00

NBA Finals: Punt-Counterpunt

Chubbs - Boston doesn't win this series without its bench. While Boston, as evidenced by Game 6, was obviously a much better team than the Lakers (or at least massively outcoached the Lakers, I'll choose to believe the former over the latter) it had a lot to do with its advantage off the bench. Coming in, everyone kept discussing how the Lakers had a clear advantage from its bench. Nothing could've been further from the truth. While seemingly everybody on the Lakers not named Derek Fisher played well below their potential in this series, guys like Eddie House, James Posey, and Leon Powe made huge contributions. True, Sasha Vujacic had a great game 3, but with the amount of stupid shots he took throughout the series, he was bound to have one good game. Posey and Eddie House played a huge role in the Celtics victory. Both made clutch shots in seemingly every game, and Posey's defense helped frustrate a normally impressive Lakers offense. If the Celtics want to repeat, they need to bring those two back. Everyone talks about the big 3, but I think the "crucial" 3 in this series were Rajon Rondo, Eddie House, and James Posey. So Anthony, do you think the Celtics repeat? What do they need to do, personnel wise to stay at a championship level?

Anthony - The repeat, eh? I honestly felt like I was on crazy pills watching this whole series after having watched the Celtics earlier in the playoffs. It seems to me the Celtics will be about the same next season. First of all, can they get out of the East? They own the Pistons - and the Pistons just get a little worse every season. The Cavs always seem lost to me. LeBron can't seem to really play with another player at this point in his career - but, at the same time, they should have won this year and definitely have the toughness on defense to handle them. Orlando is scary because of Howard - he could take the leap. But, yikes, Jameer Nelson and Bogans playing a lot of minutes? Don't think they will ever have the talent. Then, finally the Heat could run out Wade, Marion, Beasley, Haslem next season. So they have an outside shot. You really need a tough interior to beat the Celtics, and the Spurs and the Hornets would have been a better match-up than the Lakers this year. Next year, the Lakers, Spurs, Hornets and Jazz should all be pretty tough inside - and I like those teams to have a good shot at toppling the Celts. So, I guess I haven't answered your question at all. I'm assuming they are staying basically unchanged, and I give them a 75% chance to get out of the east and maybe a 20% shot to repeat. I still like the Lakers more next year. Quick note on the Hornets: They are one of my favorite teams, but I don't see them getting any better. Chandler, West, and Paul all played out of their minds this year and they still have Morris Peterson . . sigh. My question for you is, how good is Paul Pierce? I can't figure it out. Part 2: Horry or Posey as your 7th man - both in their primes.

Chubbs - OK, so I'm going to answer a question you didn't ask, and say that I think Chris Douglas Roberts or Bill Walker would be a great addition to the Hornets. I would really like to see them add a scorer at the 2/3. I think that would be good. Um, I don't really know how to quantify Paul Pierce's goodness. I think he's shown it before, but on irrelevant teams. I also think that maybe we didn't notice it as much until the playoffs because KG started playing poorly (comparatively) and it was up for Paul Pierce to take over. I like how you described his moves as "old man rec moves", because that is exactly what they are, but they are AWESOME. I came out of this playoffs a big fan of Paul Pierce's. I think, both in their primes... I take James Posey. I love Big Shot Rob, but all-around, and for the length of a whole season/the playoffs I think you have to take Posey. He can hit big shots (although he may not have hit as many as Horry) and play absolute shutdown defense. Posey frustrates opponents and I think, overall, is more valuable. My question to you is? Without looking at the stats, who do you think took more shots per minute in this series: Sam Cassell or Sasha Vujacic?

Anthony - It has to be Sam Cassell. That was a terrible question. I am pretty high on Bill Walker also though. The critics are right. He has no real position, but I think he can defend a little bit at least. There is a precedent for this type of player. There was a period of time when Bonzi Wells was nearly a twenty point a game scorer and one of the best players on those hyper-talented Trail Blazers teams. I think he could be that kind of power guard difference-maker. But that is his ceiling. The thing is, though, Walker still won't be enough. Their only real hope is for Walker/Julian Wright to really become a force on defense. They just desperately need another guard who can take some pressure of CP3 on the defensive end. Posey would be a really nice fit their as well off of the bench. I know you want this question. Rate Kobe as a player in this decade. Keep in mind Wade, LeBron, Kobe, Duncan, Shaq, KG, Jason Kidd, Steve Nash, Allen Iverson, and anyone else.

Chubbs - OK, this is a tough question, and I really don't know how to answer it in terms of players who have played "x" number of years this decade, but I will give you my answer for guys this decade and how I'd rank them in terms of "guys I'd want trying to singlehandedly lead my team against a great defense to a championship."

1. Tim Duncan - I don't like his style of play really, and I hate the Spurs, but I think you have to give him his due as probably the best player of this decade and a great clutch player.

2. Lebron James - I know you're going to criticize this, but his performance against the Celtics with a much, and I cannot emphasize the word much enough, worse supporting cast than the Lakers was light years better than Kobe's. He steps his game up when it matters, and while the Cavs didn't win Game 7, you sure as shit cannot blame Lebron, who put up 45 points on 48% shooting, 5 rebounds, and 6 assists. Kobe didn't even sniff that in the finals.

3. Dwyane Wade - It's hard to place Dwyane on this list, considering his performance in the finals in 2006, despite being massively aided by the refs, was one for the books. He's an absolutely clutch player, and if it weren't for his current injuries, and the Heat's inability to do anything of importance since Shaq's departure/recent spat of injuries I'd probably put him 2nd.

4. Allen Iverson - This is a complete homer pick. I love Allen Iverson. I would go to war with him on my team any day. I think he's one of the most underrated superstars in NBA history.

5. The rest of this list is really a second tier, so I'm not going to get into it. Although, Shaq's performances in the early 2000s on the Lakers were unreal. He absolutely carried that team. Look at the statistics. There's a reason why Kobe feels the need to prove himself. Shaq put up some of the greatest numbers ever in an NBA Finals in those Laker championships. Kobe? Nowhere close.

33. Kobe Bryant.

Anthony, how do you think this Finals bears on Kobe's legacy, and while somewhat off topic, what do you think Shaq's legacy is like? I know he wasn't as important as Dwyane Wade in the 2006 finals, but I think the Heat's recent struggles has to at least point to him being a still very important factor in their championship.

Anthony - First of all, I need to defend the Miami Heat's title run on a public forum like this. "Massively" aided by the officials is strong. If you saw games 1 - 3, you saw the Heat not get many calls at all. The amount of charges that were called on Shaq, and how many times Wade would get cracked on his way to the lane was crazy. Then, if you recall, Wade had his miraculous fourth quarter to win game 3 for the Heat and make the series 2-1 instead of 3-0. At that point the Mavericks overreacted and shifted to a strategy of intentionally fouling Shaq or Wade anytime they got into the paint. The free throw discrepancy came from tons of fouls on both of those players early in every quarter. Now, the Game 5 foul was absurd. It cost the Mavericks a 3-2 lead in the series. I will freely admit to that. And Wade definitely got a ton of calls in game 6, also. But, it doesn't deny the fact that he was the best player in the world for one calendar year (seriously, check out his playoff stats from both the title year and the year before that when he got injured), and has had the truly the only Jordanesque finals performance since Jordan. At the same time, I would be willing to say that he rates too highly on your list of decade's best players. He has only been in the league since 2003 and he has been injured so often, it's tough to rate quite that high.

Now to the Kobe question. What we can't forget is Kobe's finals against the Pistons during the Lakers final run at a title. It was maybe the most selfish, and destructive performances of all time. He scored 22.6 points a game on 38% shooting. Meanwhile, Shaq shot 63% and scored 26.8 points a game. All Kobe needed to do was keep feeding him the ball and finding ways to get it to Shaq who was unstoppable - and they win the title. Instead he shoots 38% trying to unlock the Pistons defense by himself. This has to be the most damaging part of his legacy - even worse than his inability for two straight finals to score with any sort of efficiency over a several game period. I think people get wrapped up with the Jordan comparisons, because when Kobe is at his best, he can seem better than anyone - super strong, 6'7", quick, great three point shooter, great defender, nasty finisher. He really does have more tools than anyone out there including LeBron. He just is in no way as consistent as the other all time greats. But, then again, if he wins 2 or 3 more titles truly no one will remember this and he will go down as a top 5 all time by media pundits - if not the best ever- considering several were already saying he was as good as Jordan.

I'm too tired to discuss Shaq's legacy. All I can point out is that the Heat have sucked for the past two years, largely because Wade has been injured. Wade relies more on his athleticism than just about any top player in the league. When he can't finish at the rim with dunks (and he couldn't in 2007) it really disrupts his whole game. The Heat rely on him not being a good player - but the best player in basketball.

And, my final point about LeBron. I dislike him for several reasons which don't really have anything to do with his greatness- more his personality. But, I will say this: LeBron's press conference after losing game 7 to the Celtics was one of the most bizarre things I have ever seen. All he talked about was how happy he was to be a part of such a great game, how this was his Bird and 'Nique moment. This guy just lost to the Celtics in a series they should have won and in a game they should have won. And he's putting it in this strange perspective. Can you imagine Jordan, Barkley, Isaiah, Wade, Bird, Magic - anyone - not being pissed off after a game like that? And there he was like the game had taken place a week ago? I still don't get him. If you were to re-draft all current NBA players, almost anyone would take LeBron. And why not? There is a chance he has a 40, 8 and 8 season in him. Passing him would make you look like an absolute moron. I still would take Chris Paul, though - not nearly as many stupid shots and he actually seems to give a crap. For some reason I just don't think LeBron is going to make it.

Chubbs, you're a Nets guy. How good was Jason Kidd when he was good? Ho

2008-05-03T00:52:00.002-04:00

Charles' Draft Grades

AFC EAST
Buffalo Bills - B-: I thought the Bills started out strong. They needed to pick up a cornerback and a wide receiver, and as you saw in my mock draft, I thought cornerback was actually a bigger need than wide receiver. Taking McKelvin, who many thought was the best CB in the draft, first was a great call, and then waiting until the 2nd round, when almost literally every WR they may have wanted was still available, was a great call. Fuck Devin Thomas. They got James Hardy AND Leodis McKelvin. However, the rest of their draft I felt was uninspired. They took a lot of low-risk, low-reward type guys, and Chris Ellis was a HUGE reach in the 3rd round, he is way too undersized to ever play DE in the NFL, and definitely not athletic enough to play LB.

New York Jets - C+: I'm not sure how to grade the Jets. I like the Gholston pick in terms of what was available, although I don't necessarily think that he's ever going to turn into an impact player. However, I'm slightly baffled by the move up to get Dustin Keller. I thought Baker did a helluva job last year, and I think Keller, while he is athletic, isn't amazing enough of a receiver to justify being taken at this point in the draft when he will never be a solid blocker at the end of the line. Other than that, I thought Lowery was a whatever pick in the 4th round, I liked them taking Ainge in the 5th as they obviously need a QB to supplement the terrible twosome of Clemens and Pennington. However, here's my big quibble... why didn't they take Booty?! I thought this would've been a GREAT call for them, and it wouldn't have required an early draft pick. They get bumped from a C to a C+ because I think Marcus Henry has potential to be a solid slot receiver.

Miami Dolphins - A-: Anytime you can pull in 3 future perennial Pro-Bowlers at key positions without mortgaging your future, your draft has been a success. The only reason why their draft ins't an A or an A+ is because they didn't land any steals as far as I can see in the later rounds. But, Jake Long, a guy who is probably going to give you 10 years as an all-pro tackle, Phillip Merling, a guy who could potentially be Osi Umenyiora-esque, AND Chad Henne, who could start immediately for you at QB, you have had a VERY. VERY successful draft.

New England Patriots - B+: I may be biased here, but I really think Shawn Crable to the Patriots in the third round was the biggest steal of the draft. I honestly think he will make at least 3 Pro-bowls under this staff and on this team. Additionally, they were able to snag Jerod Mayo and a few other guys (particularly Matt Slater, a white WR along the lines of Wes Welker.)

Rest of the draft grades to come later tomorrow/this weekend...

In a quick side note... Who else is fucking PSYCHED for the prospect of the Hawks beating the Celtics? I mean, not to make a Sports Guy-esque point, but can you imagine this team with CP III or Deron? Their lineup is so awesome to watch. Josh Smith, JJ, and Al Horford (who by the way, is going to be the next Amare), and add a top 3 PG to that?! Jesus. I will lose it if they beat the Celtics on Sunday. I am waiting with baited breath. Hopefully Sports Guy kills himself and his daughter if it happens.

2008-04-26T15:10:00.040-04:00

2008 NFL Draft Running Diary

3:10 - OK, so a few introductory thoughts. Starting the draft at 3 PM is a terrible idea. When is the first round going to end? 1 AM? Jesus Christ. Secondly, who created the theme to this year's draft on ESPN? Tom Cruise? Whatever movie studio is trying to push DVD sales for "Minority Report"?

Jake Long goes to Miami Dolphins, no shit, we knew that. It seems like half the draft is already determined before the picks come in, ten minutes in, and I'm already bored. Chris Long goes to the Rams. If you want my thoughts on these picks look at my mock draft, because we knew this was happening yesterday.

I'll tell you one thing though, between this and the Rich Rodriguez thing I went to on Thursday, I am going to be like a meth addict for the next 4 - 5 months just fiending football.

Chris Long kind of seems like a douchebag, much like his father. They both have douchebag haircuts, and douchebag attitudes. I feel sorry for his mother, who he already made fun of for not putting her phone on vibrate.

3:12 - Falcons on the clock, this seems to be one of the few picks in the early going that isn't decided yet. I think Dorsey is a much better pick because I think Matt Ryan isn't anything other than a future Todd Collins or Chad Pennington. Also, I love the footage of their new GM accepting the job and saying, "I am thrilled to be a part of this organization." Are you? Really? I mean, I would be thrilled to be the Falcons GM but that's only because my life sucks and I'm currently poor and in law school, but if you actually deserved a general manager's job, would you really be thrilled to be working for the Falcons? Their returning leaders on offense are Joey fuckin' Harrington, Jerious Norwood (who had 600 yards, and ONE TD), and who even fucking knows at wide receiver.

3:15 - Matt Ryan is selected and he gets booed! I'm not even sure why, but I approve. He sucks, but his girlfriend looks hot. Matt Ryan will forever more be refered to as Brian Hill with arm strength. No successful professional football player has ever looked like Matt Ryan, and the only professional athlete period who looks like Matt Ryan is Brian Scalabrine. I'm not positive, but I think I could kick his ass.

I think this is not going to end well, he has NOTHING around him, and he's not good enough to come in and resurrect this franchise. He's doomed. Ironically, I foresee a career path not that much different than Joey Blue Skies. Why wouldn't you get Dorsey here, then draft the best remaining QB out of Henne (who I think will be the best QB in this draft, biased I know), Brohm (who I also think is better than Ryan), or Flacco in the early 2nd round? Not only do you improve your defense, but you're getting a solid QB and not putting the insane pressure on him of being a top 5 pick at the position.

3:25 - This is a potentially horrifying situation for the Jets. With Ryan gone, they have no trade ammunition with the Ravens to potentially gain draft picks if their guys aren't there, and if Gholston and McFadden are gone, they would be drafting something that doesn't really fit their team needs right now. I guess I'd take Dorsey as a consolation prize, but sheesh. These fans will start rioting at Radio City if those two guys go next.

3:27 - McFadden to the Raiders. I've been calling this since Day 1, saying there is absolutely no way an Al Davis led Raiders team leaves the flashiest choice on the table in this spot. Sure enough, McFadden goes to a team that has Justin Fargas, Michael Bush, and Dominic Rhodes. Good work guys. I mean, I'd probably do the same thing, but that (among thousands of other reasons) is why I'm not an NFL GM.

3:33 - This is the most important pick in the draft, it decides how the rest of the first round goes, whether the Jets are fucked, whether the Chiefs can load up in a deal to the Saints, where Dorsey goes -- JESUS CHRIST LOOK AT HIS WATCH! That thing is huge!

3:35 - The Chiefs just picked Dorsey, which I guess is a solid pick, but I'm not sold on the fact that this isn't the part of a trade they're going to try to swing at some point. Can't argue with drafting arguably the best player in the draft at a team full of positions of need. This is huge for the Jets who can take Gholston now.

SoHo AffaiR (3:32:52 PM): if the jets take a fucking CB here ill be a dolphins fan

3:41 - I'm kind of disappointed I won't be able to discuss Mario Manningham as he has blazed his way out of the first round, but he will be good in the NFL. He is a character problem I guess, as his love of weed is well chronicled, but if he doesn't go Ricky Williams and fail drug tests, he'll be a great route running WR. He scored a 6 on the Wunderlic and ran his slowest 40 time ever. I honestly believe at this point that he was high at the combine. This is a guy who got evicted from his apartment because him and Johnny Sears refused to stop smoking egregious amounts of pot in their house. That being said...

SoHo AffaiR (3:37:12 PM): if the jets traded down
SoHo AffaiR (3:37:37 PM): take manningham!
SoHo AffaiR (3:37:39 PM): thatd be awesome
AllmanBrosBand84 (3:37:40 PM): hahaha
AllmanBrosBand84 (3:37:43 PM): Manningham is AWESOME
AllmanBrosBand84 (3:37:46 PM): I love how he just gets blazed as shit
SoHo AffaiR (3:37:50 PM): dude hes so high right now
AllmanBrosBand84 (3:37:53 PM): And at this point undoubtedly was at the combine
SoHo AffaiR (3:38:02 PM): him and johnny sears are chilling out on some couch in ann arbor

3:44 - The Jets just selected Vernon Gholston, the NYPD just breathed a HUGE sigh of relief. I honestly don't know what would've happened if they didn't pick him here. I hope he doesn't mind playing 2nd fiddle to a Michigan man, David Harris in that linebacking corps. I think this is a solid pick, I'm not sure where to begin with the Jets, I think McFadden was the only guy who comes in and makes them immediate contenders.

Also, I just got an update from my buddy Kuiken who is currently in New Orleans for Jazz Fest: "I am WHIPPING beads at tits. Reservation: Nowhere in sight." Other fun facts from Kuiken's weekend, spending $88 on beads and having the woman at the checkout ask him if he wanted to put some back, a request which he respectfully declined, and also, a friend spending $650 on a bar tab at a strip club. Color me VERY jealous.

3:49 - Patriots trade their pick (great decision to increase their number of picks) to the Saints who take Sedrick Ellis. I guess I like this pick, I had the Saints drafting a defensive lineman at the tenth pick, albeit at defensive end, and I guess Ellis fills a more pressing need at DT/DE. Whatever, this pick is boring/I'm waiting to see if Kuiken is even cognizant that the draft is going on to see if there is a New Orleans reaction to this.

4:01 - The Jaguars trade up from 26 with the Ravens at 8 to take Derrick Harvey. Who I think is good, but I'm not sure they needed to trade up this far. Also, I think this means that Henne is going to the Ravens at 26, they apparently love him, and moving down like that is a surefire sign that they are looking at QB later in the round. Good move for the Ravens if that's what they're doing here. Like I said, I think Henne will be the best QB in the draft, and he's definitely the most ready to take on the job right now. Additionally it looks like Keith Rivers is going to the Bengals... whatever. Their defense sucks so I guess anyone would help there. I still think protecting Carson is a more pressing need perhaps.

4:07 - WOW, GREAT trade for the Ravens. They added two third round picks and a fourth rounder and they're still almost assuredly getting the guy they want in the first round.

4:12 - I'm about to go get the car washed (I know, I know), but a few quick thoughts.

This draft is moving infinitely faster than in year's past, maybe this might end quickly.

SoHo AffaiR (4:07:14 PM): did Kiper have Mcshay kidnapped?

The Patriots just selected Jerod Mayo from Tennessee. Makes a lot of sense in light of their aging linebacker corps. Fuckin' Patriots.

4:48 - And we're back - Quick takes... picks 11-15 are solid, I like the pick of Stewart to Carolina particularly, and am VERY surprised to see the Lions exhibit some restraint, trade down to pick up some extra draft picks, and let the Chiefs get the offensive tackle/guard they wanted in Alberts. Very solid start to the draft for the Chiefs to land Dorsey and Alberts (who some had pegged as the 2nd best lineman in this draft.) Also, Keyshawn's suit-shirt-tie combo is legit. I am a huge fan. He looks like he's ready to get drafted all over again.

4:54 - The Cardinals take Rodgers-Cromartie, great pick. I love this guy, and as I said earlier, with Rolle moving to safety, this is a need pick. They couldn't land Lito Shephard, so they needed a CB here. Keyshawn I think verbally took Steve Young to school just now in their argument about whether they should go CB (Keyshawn) or RB (Steve Young) here. Savor the flavor Keyshawn, because it's not happening again for awhile, but he's right, you could get a running back of similar capability to team with Edge in the 2nd or 3rd round very easily. Guys like Rodgers- Cromartie definitely won't be around during that time.

4:58 - Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, the Lions. Gosder Cherilus who Kiper calls a "reach" and who is rated behind the still available Jeff Otah on nearly everyone's draft board is taken with the 17th pick. I at least like the fact that the Lions traded down and didn't go flashy with a skill position guy per se, but I don't know, I just don't like this pick. I can already hear the "Fire Millen" chants now.

5:01 - The Ravens traded up from 26 with the Texans to get Flacco?! Wow, I, uh, wow. I disagree with this entirely. First of all, I think he'd still be there at 26, and secondly, Chad Henne is better and definitely would still be there at 26. I think this is a bad move. Yeah, Flacco's really going to be able to come in immediately and contribute. That Delaware pedigree means he's been dealing with reads very similar to that of NFL defenses. Fuckin' Jersey. Additionally, he's been running shotgun his entire college career, and is moving to behind center. I don't care how far he throws the ball, the guy has zero experience running an offense like those in the NFL. Isn't he just Kyle Boller but at a shittier school? Did Baltimore have videos of him throwing from his knees as well?

5:05 - Henne's Mom is hot.

5:10 - Carolina trades up for the 19th pick with the Eagles and take Jeff Otah at tackle from Pittsburgh. I think it's a solid move. Hard to get super excited over an offensive lineman but he's been rated highly. Eagles fans are pissed without knowing what they got in return. Typical Philly fans. Idiots.

5:13 - I have no idea what's going on on-stage, but it involves a bunch of military guys and some dude in a University of Texas uniform, and a guy in a button down striped shirt (representing the Jersey national guard perhaps?) standing at attention. Needless to say, a U-S-A chant breaks out.

5:17 - Any Eagles fan who booed that move should be shot. They got a 1st round pick in next year's draft, and a 2nd and 4th round pick this year. Fucking idiot Eagle fans. Kiper agrees. McShay is still missing. Kiper is wanted for questioning.

5:20 - Buccanneers take Aqib Talib. Love this pick. They needed a CB with Brian Kelly leaving, and he's an athlete. He does a lot of drugs, but as we know from both his and Manningham's college careers, that is completely irrelevant. Am I the only one who fully supports drafting guys with character questions? Who gives a shit. Just don't do dogfighting, pull a Ricky Williams, or a Chris Henry (aka fire off a weapon into a crowd of people while wearing your OWN replica jersey - yeah, that really happened. Drink it in.) I don't care if you get blazed as shit as long as you properly mask it. No one gets arrested for smoking pot, this isn't communist Russia.

5:25 - This fucking montage of the Redskins year is pathetic. The Redskins didn't make the playoffs because they were inspired by Sean Taylor's death, they made the playoffs because after the top 5 teams in the NFC, the conference was absolutely putrid. Jason Campbell sucks, Clinton Portis is insane, and Chris Cooley has a hot fiancee. That's my scouting report on the Redskins.

5:30 - The Redskins just traded their pick to the Falcons who took... Sam Baker?! Wasn't he going to be available at the beginning of the 2nd round? How much pot are they smoking in the ATL? I mean, you just gave up a bunch of picks to land Mose Schrute at OT? http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/2/24/102007-SamBaker.jpg/435px-102007-SamBaker.jpg

Terrible draft so far for the Falcons.

5:38 - I hate the Cowboys. They take Felix Jones. Like predicted. That's still not going to take Tony Romo out from behind center in playoff games. You guys suck.

5:42 - The Steelers take Rashard Mendenhall. I thought they may have wanted to get some help elsewhere, but I like it. They needed a strong backup RB, and who knows how much longer Willie Parker will be good for. I don't trust Najeh Davenport as a backup RB because you never know when he's going to take a shit in a stranger's dorm room laundry hamper.

Also, if Tennessee doesn't take Limas Sweed I will be dumbfounded. Reuniting him and Vince Young at a position of need when he'd be a steal at this point in the draft is a no-brainer.

5:48 - Wow. Worst pick in the draft. Hands down. Terrible. Titans take Chris Johnson from East Carolina (who I think will be good, don't get me wrong) who was the fastest RB in the draft. However, they already have LenDale White, Chris Henry, and Chris Brown. They needed a wide receiver, and Devin Thomas and Limas Sweed would have been amazing choices here. Really was a no-brainer. No surprise the fans rated this pick an F. AWFUL.

Kuiken update: "Dude. Im at an amazing strip club. Barely Legal. HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT"

5:55 - Kuiken update Part 2: "Its unreal. They all are 20 w/ Keri Sable's body. Unfuckingreal"

6:05 - Cowboys trade up a few spots to get Michael Jenkins. Good pick. Whatever. The Texans select some tackle from Virginia Tech. Good idea considering all of their QBs get knocked out during the season. I've stopped caring. Wake me up when the Giants pick.

6:16 - Chargers take a CB. No shit. Seahawks take DE - Lawrence Jackson from USC. Who cares.
6:28 - The Jets move up to take Dustin Keller a TE from Purdue! Another first round Big Ten for TE for Jets! Kyle Brady? Anyone? Also this guy is NOT big enough to play TE in the NFL, although he does look very athletic.

6:36 - The Giants pick Kenny Philips. Great pick. I had sort of fallen in love with Tyrell Johnson as of late, but I am still very happy with landing Kenny Phillips.

I'm out. I hope Henne gets taken by the Dolphins. Manningham's stoned. Fuck you all.

2008-04-25T17:00:00.003-04:00

Charles' Mock NFL Draft

1. Miami Dolphins - Jake Long OT, Michigan: Well this one I'm fairly confident I'll be right about.

2. St. Louis Rams - Chris Long DE, Virginia: I read somewhere that the Rams are thinking about moving their stud DL Carriker from DE to DT, and Long will let them do this. Additionally, Long appears to be one of the more reliable picks in the draft according to everyone else, and I don't think they take a risk on Dorsey here.

3. Atlanta Falcons - Glenn Dorsey DT, LSU: Here's where my own take on the draft's talent is probably clouding my accuracy. I think Matt Ryan is garbage. I think his ceiling is Todd Collins, honestly. That doesn't mean he's worthless, but I can't see him being a star in the NFL, and with the third pick in the draft, you want to take someone you think can make the Pro-Bowl multiple times. Glenn Dorsey fits that description. He was absolutely dominant at times from DT which is a rare thing to see.

4. Oakland Raiders - Darren McFadden RB, Arkansas: McFadden is the best player in the draft, and certainly the flashiest, and in light of the Raiders constant desire to make a splash as opposed to focusing on what's best for their team (read: any position other than secondary and running back), I think they go for the gold. The smart pick here is probably Gholston.

5. Kansas City Chiefs - Vernon Gholston DE/LB, Ohio State: Gholston is reminiscient of Jevon Kearse in terms of his combination of size and athleticism, and after the Jared Allen trade, I would be shocked to see them pass on a Gholston or Long in this position.

6. New York Jets - TRADED to Baltimore Ravens (Don't ask me to say what for other than the #8 pick) - Matt Ryan QB, Boston College: I think at this point the Jets threaten to take Ryan and work a few picks out of Baltimore with Gholston, McFadden, and Long off the board. Everyone knows the Ravens are desperately looking for a QB so this trade makes sense.

7. New England Patriots - Keith Rivers LB, USC: You can all think Brett and the 49ers for the Patriots having the 7th pick in the draft this year. The Patriots linebacking corps is old as SHIT and I think they'll take the best available in the draft at this point. Gholston would've been perfect, but I think Rivers is a good fit here as well.

8. New York Jets (traded from Baltimore) - Sedrick Ellis DE, USC: The Jets could certainly stand to improve their front 7, and their abandonment of the Dwyane Robertson project makes that no secret. Ellis will be solid, and getting him and some extra picks from Baltimore would be a great move.

9. Cincinnati Bengals - Ryan Clady OT, Boise State: Carson Palmer needs more protection and their offensive line hasn't recovered since they lost Steinbach, if Ellis is still around here, that might make sense, but I think Clady at 9 is a great land for the Bengals.

10. New Orleans Saints - Derrick Harvey DE, Florida: The Saints defense blew last year, and they massively upgraded at LB in the offseason and they now have Vilma, Dan Morgan, and Scott Fujita. Adding depth at defensive end is always a good idea [see: 2008 Super Bowl Champion New York Giants (note: get ready for a lot of references to that)].

11. Buffalo Bills - Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie CB, Tennessee State something or other: Rodgers-Cromartie could really, really suck in the NFL. I have bought hard because he's very athletic and I love his cousin Antonio. I think the Bills will go cornerback here and draft one of the many solid WRs that will be available at the start of the 2nd round (Manningham, maybe DeSean Jackson, who knows).

12. Denver Broncos- Devin Thomas WR, Michigan State: With the departure of Javon Walker, the Broncos have Brandon Stokely (only relevent when Peyton Manning is throwing him the ball or Jason Sehorn is covering him in the Super Bowl - yes, I'm still bitter) and Brandon Marshall catching the ball from Cutler. Thomas is the only guy of any value at a position of need for them here, although they could beef up their offensive line to protect Cutler.

13. Carolina Panthers - Rashard Mendenhall RB, Illinois - With the departure of DeShaun Foster and the ever-present prospect of injury to DeAngelo Williams, running back is a position of need for the Panthers and Mendenhall would be a great addition here.

14. Chicago Bears - Jeff Otah OT/OG, Pittsburgh - The Bears had an awful running game last year, (thanks for the fantasy season Cedric Benson, you asshole) and I wouldn't be surprised to see Jonathan Stewart go here, but they lost two starting offensive lineman this offseason and Otah can fill either hole and at least give Cedric Benson/whatever RB they take in the second round room to run.

15. Detroit Lions - Jonathan Stewart RB, Oregon - I think Jerod Mayo would be a good pick here in terms of fitting their defense, but with Kevin Jones perenially playing like a tampon, I wouldn't put it past the Millen regime to take Jonathan Stewart. Stewart may also be one of the fastest running backs in the draft, despite running his 40 on a bruised foot.

16. Arizona Cardinals - Leodis McKelvin CB, Troy - This would be a perfect move for the Cardinals who seem to have the pieces in place on offense (although look to them to add offensive lineman in the other rounds) and recently moved Antrel Rolle to Safety where he can be more of a playmaker.

17. Kansas City Chiefs - Branden Albert OT/OG, Virginia -Chiefs definitely need o-line help, and if they didn't get it with the fifth pick (read: Gholston) they'll take it here. I think the talent at offensive line is deeper, so going early with defensive end makes sense. Albert is a great pick here.

18. Houston Texans - Chris Williams OT, Vanderbilt - The Texans haven't had a good offensive lineman since Tony Boselli and it's no surprise that about zero of their starting quarterbacks have ever survived a full season. Williams is a solid pick at a position at massive need.

19. Philadelphia Eagles - Limas Sweed WR, Texas - This is a great pick for the Eagles, a lot of people have them picking a cornerback here, but with Sheldon Brown and Asante Samuel (they can also still re-sign Lito Shephard) I can't see them doing that. Limas Sweed gives Donovan McNabb a target who doesn't suck for the first time since TO.

20. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Michael Jenkins CB, South Florida - This makes perfect sense for the Buccaneers. Jenkins is a local guy, and the best available player at a position they strongly need help. Brian Kelly bounced to Detroit (why someone would go from a playoff team to a perenially shitty team in worse weather is beyond me) and Ronde Barber, when he isn't being a dumbass loudmouth, is 33 years old.

21. Washington Redskins - Philip Merling DE, Clemson - Apparently the Redskins are going either defensive end or wide receiver in the first round. I know Jason Campbell needs weapons, but I think Chris Cooley, Brandon Lloyd, Santana Moss, and Antwan Randel-El provide plenty of weapons. Merling makes them better immediately.

22. Dallas Cowboys - Felix Jones RB, Arkansas: With Julius Jones gone, the Cowboys will need a change of pace back to match with Barber. I think this pick makes a lot of sense, and gives them perhaps a better 1-2 punch than they had with Jones last year getting most of the carries. Cowboys suck.

23. Pittsburgh Steelers - Gosder Cherilus OT/OG Boston College: I have no idea who this is, but the Steelers need an offensive lineman after Alan Faneca left. There's talk of drafting a backup for Fast Willie Parker and Big Ben wants another WR (what? Hines Ward and Santonio Holmes aren't enough?), but this pick makes the most sense immediately.

24. Tennessee Titans - Malcolm Kelly WR, Oklahoma - Ironic that the Titans would draft a guy from Oklahoma to catch passes from UT alum Vince Young, but he's the best pick here for the Titans who desperately need a solid pass catcher. DeSean Jackson would be a poor choice here because Vince Young's passing fits with a solid possession WR like Kelly as opposed to a home run threat like Jackson.

25. Seattle Seahawks - DeSean Jackson WR, Cal - The Seahawks I think finally hit a wall this year and fail to make the playoffs. Branch will be on the sidelines for most of the season with an injury, and Hassleback doesn't have many other options. Plus Jackson immediately can upgrade a poor special teams unit.

26. Jacksonville Jaguars - Kentawn Balmer DT, UNC - The Jaguars lost Marcus Stroud and John Henderson is always injured. They need some serious help on the defensive line, and Balmer is the highest rated one available.

27. San Diego Chargers - Aqib Talib CB, Kansas - Talib definitely fell here, and would be a sick pickup for the Chargers who lost Drayton Florence in the offseason and need to upgrade their nickel package. Talib can contribute on special teams as well, and their have been some talks of him playing some WR like he did in college. The Chargers could use some help at WR as well as CB and Talib would be a great pick.

28. Dallas Cowboys - TRADED to Atlanta Falcons - Brian Brohm QB, Louisville - I think if Talib had fallen to the Cowboys they would've taken him, but I don't see them reaching for a WR or Brandon Flowers or Antoine Cason(CB) here. Atlanta will be scared of the prospect of the 49ers or Packers (without a QB to backup oft-injured never proven Aaron Rodgers) taking Brohm.

29. San Francisco 49ers - Jerod Mayo LB, Tennessee - 49ers could use someone alongside Patrick Willis to let him roam wild, and Mayo is in the Top 15 on most draft guru big board's. Brett will be pleased.

30. Green Bay Packers - Antoine Cason CB, Arizona - Green Bay is solid on defense, but Al Harris and my mannnnnnn, Chas Woodson are old as shit. Wouldn't be surprised to see them nab a backup QB in Chad Henne or that Flacco douchebag, but I think Cason is a solid choice.

31. New England Patriots - 18-1 - Oh, and you don't have this pick. Suck it, Trebek.

32. New York Giants - Kenny Phillips S, Miami - This is a PERFECT pick for the Giants. If Phillips is gone for any reason, Tyrell Johnson, a freakish safety from Arkansas State will go here. Gibril Wilson left, and the reigning Super Bowl Champs (God that feels good to say) need serious help. Serious. Our secondary is awful. Kenny Phillips loves bowling despite averaging "around 90" which makes him awesome.

2008-02-01T15:23:00.000-05:00

Johan Santana - officially my favorite non-Cardinal until he becomes a Met.

Two points about the Santana trade:

1) Why wouldn't the Mets just go ahead and offer him the 6 year deal? I saw Steve Phillips (who if you ever hear talk about baseball, you understand how bad of a GM he was) say how he was likewise nervous about extending Mike Hampton a 7-year 105 million dollar deal. Yeah, great comparison Phillips - except that Hampton was an above average pitcher and happened to have a great postseason for the Mets. And Santana is the best pitcher of the decade and is just outside the Pedro-Maddux-Clemens-Johnson group of post 1990 greatness.

Also, if there has been one constant among phenomenal pitchers - they can go into their thirties and still be effective if not dominant. So there just isn't a lot of risk for a team with nearly unlimited resources to sign the best pitcher in baseball until he is 35 years old for what is a reasonable amount of money.

2) The most awesome twist of this whole story recently occurred, however, because Santana said he would make a few concessions in order to become a Met. At first, I thought, well that's pretty gross. But the reason he wants to be a Met is SO HE CAN HIT!

Santana wants to go to the NL cause he misses being a hitter.

That. . .is. . . awesome.

2008-01-31T10:15:00.000-05:00

CHAD JOHNSON, CINCINNATI, and BILL PARCELLS.

I doubt that too many people outside of Cincinnati have much followed the Chad Johnson saga. But, it's true: Chad Johnson is requesting a trade from the Cincinnati Bengals.
And, my favorite player in the NFL - deserves it.

Being that I have not missed a Bengals football game in years, I am somewhat of an expert on Chad Johnson's strengths and weaknesses.

His route running is unmatched - even by Marvin Harrison. No one is better at beating the double team on a 15 yard out. No one makes as many tough catches as Chad does in a season. And he hasn't missed a game in 6 years. He also is a top notch deep receiver with electrifying speed - if not world class like Harrison.

Weaknesses - this past year he dropped some easy catches; he is not particularly great after the catch like Plax, TO, or TJ, and he is not a great blocker.

Fact: He is the only player in the history of the NFL to lead his conference in receiving yards and in a down year he just caught for 1440 yards.

And, because the Bengals underachieved at the start of the year, both national and local media (and the fucking Bengals organization) talked about how Chad needed to "just focus on football" and "stop with all that other stuff." This - for a player that has not missed a game in 6 YEARS! And for a player who has been the very best (AKA top 5) at his position for 5 YEARS!

And not only did absolute moron "hard-ass" ex-coaches (FYI: Those assclowns, Ditka, Parcells, and Cowher who for some reason didn't think talent won them games but "no-nonsense football") (Part 2: Isn't this great how now EVERY fucking studio analyst loves having an opinion about players shutting up and "just play football;" yet how many can fucking break down a Cover 3 defense? NONE OF THEM other than Jaworski can actually analyze, you know, football plays.) And this opinion filtered down to where the fans, and the Cincinnati media started to turn on him. He started being obliquely blamed for the Bengals playoff loss in 2005 when he had an emotional meltdown after Carson's knee exploded. Instead of analysts and reporters criticizing him justifiably for key drops this year and a few times he was less than tough blocking or taking on defenders, Cincinnati media criticized him as a person - his attitude - his toughness and so on.

I don't know how it is in other cities; but Cincinnati is notorious for blaming their best player on the teams failings.

Carl Pickens was painted as being disgruntled after three pro-bowls and took most of the heat when Blake's career and the Bengals seasons started being awful.

Corey Dillon - a workhorse runner and extremely special talent was run out of town after being frustrated about the team's performance when he may have been the league's best runner.

Ken Griffey Jr. - because of his injuries he has been blamed for the Reds being awful his whole tenure when his salary is actually reasonable (9 mill a year) and even if he hit like Ted Williams Cincy wouldn't have been close to the playoffs.

And now Chad Johnson is being painted as a malcontent.

Honestly, given the Bengals obsession with having a "balanced offense" and "renewing their commitment to the running game" next year, Chad would be better off somewhere else.

And if you recall, right after Corey Dillon was traded to the Pats he lead the NFL in rushing.

2008-01-31T09:27:00.000-05:00

NBA MID SEASON AWARDS!!!!!

MIDSEASON MVP BALLOT:

1)Chris Paul
2) LeBron James
3) Kobe Bryant
4) KG
5) Dwight Howard
6) Caron Butler

Chris Paul has to be the media favorite right now. Not only is he having one of the best seasons in the history of the NBA point guard (his PER blows away Nash's MVP seasons) but he also is leading the Hornets to the top record in the Western Conference. Paul is a phenomenal rebounder, passer, scorer, finisher. And, what separates him from LeBron this year is how he has turned David West and Tyson Chandler into surefire all-stars. Granted D. West has been pretty good for a while, but Tyson has double his scoring average since coming over from the Bulls.

LeBron on the other hand has played nearly flawless basketball. He has even started playing defense this year which is crazy to see. He won't get as many votes as he should because the Cavs are pretty bad, but this is the first year it's actually inspiring to see LeBron play. No longer feels like he's putting on an act. What separates Paul from LeBron is - I just can't help but think that Paul is building great players around him just by his presence and passing - something LeBron just is not capable of doing.

Kobe isn't rebounding, assisting, or scoring as much as he has in the past. However, he got a lot of shit for scoring too much, and this year he really is trying to let the game come to him. He also has been showing consistent defensive effort this year which is impressive.

KG, Dwight, Caron - all three of these guys are great all around players for overachieving teams; but just can't quite stand up to the first three.

Rookie of the Year:
1) Al Horford
2) Joakim Noah
3) Sean Williams
4) The Durantuala
5) Yi Jianlain

Horford has been the most complete player in the draft. Thirty minutes a game - a block, a steal, an assist, 10 points, and 10 boards on 48% shooting. No one has shown the complete game, and the commitment to doing little things to help his team win like Horford has. He should be the clear-cut favorite right now.

If Joakim would be getting as many minutes as Horford his numbers would be just as good. On a terrible underachieving Bulls team, Noah has been the lone bright spot. He is their best rebounder, defender, and the only big man other than Joe Smith who can actually finish around the hoop. He has all the makings of the next Horace Grant (worse shooter, better shot blocker). Also, has there been a better story than the one of Joakim having a meltdown on a coach after a game and being suspended by his team. Yeah, I know most people are sick of hearing him be called a "great competitor" but in a league and regular season where players so rarely give a shit; it's refreshing as hell to see Noah play.

Sean Williams - ferocious shot blocker and rebounder. Already better than Ben Wallace.

Yes, Kevin Durant is making me look bad. Granted, he has been asked to do more than any of these other 3 guys combined, but he has really dissapointed me. For this reason I am being extra harsh on him. His 19.5 ppg will probably net him ROY honors. But, Kevin, can you really only get 4 boards and 2 assists a game? And, maybe most shocking. . HE'S SHOOTING 28% FROM THE 3 POINT ARC! Durant was one of the best shooters I had seen in college. Period. (He is still shooting 87% from the stripe to attest to this), so how is he shooting so poorly? And how did he stop rebounding? Chris Paul had better rebound numbers as a rook.
With that being said, I blame PJ Carlesimo and the Sonics coaching staff more than anything else. Honestly, how do you play Durant at the 2? How? You have a 6'10" brilliant post player who was a nasty rebounder and finisher around the hoop and you have him being hassled by 2 guards and small forwards all day 25 feet from the hoop? It's unbelievable. They really REALLY need to look at how the Celtics used Larry Bird. Like Bird, if Durant has a flaw in his game, it's his lateral quickness and the fact that he is not a brilliant ball handler. That's it. Durant was a great post passer at Texas, a great finisher near the hoop and a phenomenal spot up shooter. He shouldn't have to pull up after a pick by Nick Collison and shoot over Fabricio Oberto. For this, I'm not even blaming Durant; because the Sonics really may be killing his career.

Repeat it with me:Durant is a power forward; Durant is a power forward; Durant is a power forward.

If I had to pick a team to take on the aliens from Space Jam:
Criteria: 9 rotation players and 3 bench guys who would only see spot duty.

G: Chris Paul
G: Kobe Bryant
F: LeBron James
F: Kevin Garnett
C: Tim Duncan
6) Dwyane Wade
7) Dwight Howard
8) Steve Nash
9) Gerald Wallace
B) Michael Redd
B) Allen Iverson
B) Marcus Camby

Coach of the year: I never give two shits about coach of the year. But, more and more I'm thinking that other than Phil Jackson, Nate McMillan is the best coach in the NBA. He is doing the same shit in Portland that he had been doing in Seattle - making a team far more than the sum of their parts and actually letting young players win starting jobs and make contributions.

Comments welcome.

2007-12-08T23:28:00.000-05:00

11:28 -Jim Lampley just told me to party like a "rockstar." Also, I just spent a half hour driving my roommate's car into a parking spot a half mile away drunk. Mad Max, welcome to Thunderdome!

11:30 - British people are gay. They smell like soccer and douches.

11:31 - This just in again: : Larry Merchant STILL hates black people. And Jews. And the internet.

11:32 - Jim Lampley just thought Emaneul Stewart was his wife and made love to him after punching him in the face repeatedly. The aberration: No pull out.

11:34 - The fight is already downhill after Michael Buffer forgets to turn his microphone on, and his vibrator. TOM JONES! I'm not even sure how to respond. But Britain sucks. Look. Ricky Hatton is cool, but has he ever showed up to fight a Mexican in a bullet vest! TYRESE!

11:39 - Mark Cuban and Wayne Newton!? Am I on crack?! Seriously, I did not smoke THAT much pot.

11:41 - Hatton's entrance sucks... I am shitting everywhere in anticipation of Mayweather. Oh good, blue sequins, I feel like I'm watching a gay irish dancing recital.

11:43 - BORN IN THE USA! WITH WAYNE NEWTON AND MARK CUBAN! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! ONCE AGAIN, I LOVE FLOYD MAYWEATHER! JERSEY!

11:45 - This fight brought to you by Amurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrica.

11:46 - Paul Smith looks like he ate the last doughnut.

11:47 - This just in: British people hate black people. A lot.

11:52 - Even round. I give it to Mayweather because it was even. Mayweather 10, Hatton 9.

11: 56 - Round to Hatton - Even. Hatton 19 - Mayweather 19.

12:00 - Roung to Mayweather? He cut Hatton. 28 - 29 Mayweather.

12:04 - Round DEFINITELY to Mayweather - Mayweather - 39 - Hatton 37, but I could see the fight being tied at this point. Also, this just in, YORKTOWN MOTHAFUCKA!

12:08 - Round to Hatton, definitely - Mayweather 48 - Hatton - 47.

12:12 - Hatton wins, but rabbit punch = draw. Mayweather - 57 - Hatton 56.

12:16 - Hatton wins that round, easily. Tied up.

12:20 - Mayweather definitely wins the 8th, he looks GOOD, up 1 round.

12:24 - Mayweather wins in a quasi-draw - He's up two rounds.

12:27 - Hatton fought well, but Floyd was amazing. EASILY, Floyd's most difficult fight. He took him out. The post fight discussion was great, Ricky Hatton you know the whole time is thinking, "God I hate black people." This just in AGAIN: Larry Merchant thinks black people are undisciplined.

12:29 - Can't nobody take my priiiiiiiiiide, can't nobody hollllllld me dowwwwwwwwn, oh no. I got to keep on mooooooovin

12:32 - British people just booed Jesus Christ... our savior after Mayweather mentioned him because Larry Merchant just claimed to be a descendant of the prophhet Mohammed. I think.

2007-10-30T16:19:00.000-04:00

Dangit NBA Preview. . .uhh . .Dangit.

I have no life. Here is what follows:

Using Sports Illustrated NBA Preview I have assigned a number to every team's top 8 players (and any other relevant rotation players). Every team plays 8 during the regular season no matter how thin they are. The ratings are as follows:
10 - Top 5 - 10 NBA Player
9 - Legit superstar (Top 20)
8 - Starts for any team in the league
7 - Solid starter
6 - Starter
5- Fringe starter
4- Solid Backup
3- Rotation Player
2- Rotation player?
1- Should be part of no one's rotation

For a couple there is a number with a "?" behind it. This is for when I have 0 anecdotal knowedge of this player and are relying solely on John Hollinger, Bill Simmons and general reputation.

Sadly, in reverse order of SI's Western Conference predictions: I begin.

15) Minnesota Timberwolves
Randy Foye - 6
Gerald Green - 2.5
Ryan Gomes - 5.5
Al Jefferson - 7.5
Theo Ratliff - 4

Antoine Walker - 1.5
Craig Smith - 6
Corey Brewer - 3

Score from top 8: 36

14) Seattle Supersonics
Luke Ridnour - 6.5
Kevin Durant - 7.5
Damien Wilkins - 5?
Chris Wilcox - 5?
Nick Collison - 4.5

Kurt Thomas - 3
Earl Watson - 4
Wally Sczerbiak - 5
Jeff Green - 4

Score - Thomas = 41.5

13. Portland Trail Blazers

Jarret Jack - 6.5
Brandon Roy - 7
Travis Outlaw - 4?
LaMarcus Aldridge - 6
Joel Pryzbilla - 3

Channing Frye - 3
Steve Blake - 4
Martell Webster - 3

Score: 26

12. Sacramento Kings
Mike Bibby - 7.5
Kevin Martin - 7
Ron Artest - 6.5
Mikki Moore - 6
Brad Miller - 7

Francisco Garcia - 2
Kenny Thomas - 3
Shareef Abdur Rahim - 3

Score: 41

11) Memphis Grizzlies

Damon Stoudamire - 3
Mike Miller - 5
Rudy Gay - 4
Pau Gasol - 8.5
Stromile Swift - 6

Juan Carlos Navarro - ? - ?
Hakim Warrick - 4
Darko ! - 4.5
Mike Conley Jr. - 6

Score: 41.5

10) L.A. Clippers

Sam Cassell - 6
Cuttino Mobley - 5
Corey Maggette - 6.5
Al Thornton - 4
Chris Kaman - 6

Tim Thomas - 3
Ruben Patterson - 5
Quinton Ross - 4

Score: 39

9) LA Lakers

Derek Fisher - 4
Kobe Bryant - 10
Luke Walton - 5
Lamar Odom - 8
Andrew Bynum - 4.5

Kwame Brown - 4
Vlad Rad - 5
Jordan Farmar - 4

Score: 44

8) New Orleans Hornets
Chris Paul - 9
Morris Peterson - 4
Peja Stojakovic - 6
David West - 8
Tyson Chandler - 7.5

Julian Wright - 3
Hilton Armstrong - 3
Rasual Butler - 3

Score: 43.5

7) Golden State Warriors

Baron Davis - 8.5
Monta Ellis - 6
Stephen Jackson - 6.5
Al Harrington - 6
Andris Biedrins - 6

Matt Barnes - 5
Mickael Pietrus - 5
Patrick O'Bryant - 1

Score: 44

Utah Jazz

Deron Williams - 8.5
Ronnie Brewer - 4
Andrei Kirilenko - 6.5
Carlos Boozer - 8
Mehmet Okur - 8

Paul Milsap - 7
Matt Harpring - 5
Gordan Giricek - 3

Score: 50

Houston Rockets

Rafer Alston - 4
Tracy McGrady - 9
Shane Battier - 7.5
Luis Scola - 6
Yao Ming - 9

Chuck Hayes - 5?
Luther Head - 4.5
Mike James - 4.5
Steve Francis - 6

Scores: 58

Denver Nuggets

Allen Iverson - 9
J.R. Smith - 5
Carmelo Anthony - 9.5
Kenyon Martin - 6
The Camby Man - 8

Nene - 6
Linas Kleiza - 5
Chucky Atkins - 3.5

Score: 51.5

Phoenix Suns

Steve Nash - 9.5
Raja Bell - 5
Boris Diaw - 6
Shawn Marion - 8.5
Amare Stoudemire - 9.5

Leandro Barbosa - 7
Grant Hill - 6
Alando Tucker - 3

Score - 56.5

2) San Antonio Spurs

Tony Parker - 9
Michael Finley - 6.5
Bruce Bowen - 5
Tim Duncan - 10
Fabricio Oberto - 6

Manu Ginobili - 8.5
Brent Barry - 4
Francisco Elson 3.5

Score: 52

1) Dallas Mavericks

Devin Harris - 6.5
Jason Terry - 7
Josh Howard - 8
Dirk Nowitzki - 9.5
Erick Dampier - 5.5

Jerry Stackhouse - 6
Trenton Hassel - 4
DeSagana Diop - 5
Eddie Jones - 4

Score: 51.5

The East:

Philadelphia 76ers

Samuel Dalembert - 6.5
Reggie Evans - 5
Andre Iguodala - 8
Willie Green - 3
Andre Miller - 7.5

Kyle Korver - 4.5
Rodney Carney - 2.5
Louis Williams - 2

Score: 39

Charlotte Bobcats

Raymond Felton - 6
Jason Richardson - 8
Gerald Wallace - 8
Emeka Okafor - 7
Primoz Brezec - 2.5

Matt Carroll - 3
Walter Herrman - 4
Jared Dudley - 4

Score: 41.5

Atlanta Hawks

Speedy Claxton - 4
Joe Johnson - 9
Marvin Williams - 3.5
Josh Smith - 5
Zaza Pachulia - 5

Acie Law - 3.5
Al Horford - 6
Josh Childress - 6.5
Shelden Williams 3.5

Score: 42.5

12) Indiana Pacers

Jamaal Tinsley - 4
Mike Dunleavy - 4
Danny Granger - 6
Troy Murphy - 4
Jermaine O'Neal - 9

Jeff Foster - 3
Ike Diogu - 4.5
Marquis Daniels - 5.5

Score: 40

Milwaukee Bucks

Mo Williams - 5
Michael Redd - 9.5
Desmond Mason - 5
Charlie Villanueva - 5
Andrew Bogut - 7

Charlie Bell - 6
Dan Gadzuric - 3
Bobby Simmons - 6

Score: 46.5

10) Orlando Magic

Jameer Nelson - 5
JJ Redick - 3.5
Hedo Turkoglu - 4
Rashard Lewis - 8
Dwight Howard - 9

Carlos Arroyo - 4
Trevor Ariza - 4.5
Adonal Foyle - 3

Score - 40.5

9) New Jersey Nets

Jason Kidd - 8
Vince Carter - 8
Richard Jefferson - 6
Nenad Kristic - 6.5
Jason Collins - 2

Bostjon Nachbar - ?
Jamaal Magloire - 5
Marcus Williams - 4
Sean Williams - 4

Score: 38

8) Toronto Raptors

TJ Ford - 6
Anthony Parker - 4
Jason Kapono - 4.5
Andrea Bargnani - 7
Chris Bosh - 9.5

Jose Calderon - 6.5
Jorge Garbosa - 5
Rasho Nesterovic - 3

Score: 45.5

7) Washington Wizards

Gilbert Arenas - 10
DeShawn Stevenson - 3.5
Caron Butler - 7.5
Antawn Jamison - 7.5
Brendan Haywood - 3.5

Antonio Daniels - 5?
Darius Songaila - 4
Andray Blatche - 3.5

Score: 45.5

6) New York Knicks

Stephon Marbury - 6?
Jamal Crawford - 6
Quentin Richardson - 4
Zach Randolph - 8.5
Eddy Curry - 8

David Lee - 7.5
Nate Robinson - 4
Jared Jeffries - 3
Renaldo Balkman - 5

Score: 49

5) Cleveland Cavaliers

Daniel Gibson - 4.5
Larry Hughes - 7
LeBron James - 10
Drew Gooden - 7
The Big Z - 6.5

Donyell Marshall - 2.5
Damon Jones - 3.5
Devin Brown - 3

Score: 44

4) Miami Heat

Jason Williams - 6
Dwyane Wade - 10
Ricky Davis - 7
Udonis Haslem - 7
Shaq Fu - 8

Alonzo Mourning - 7
Smush Parker - 3
Dorrell Wright - 3
Mark Blount - 3

Score - 51

3) Chicago Bulls

Kirk Hinrich - 7.5
Ben Gordon - 7
Luol Deng - 8.5
Tyrus Thomas - 6.5
Ben Wallace - 6

Andres Nocionie - 6.5
Joe Smith - 3.5
Thabo Sefolosha - 4.5
Joakim Noah - 4

Score: 50.5

2) Detroit Pistons

Chauncey Billups - 8
Rip Hamilton - 7.5
Tayshaun Prince - 7.5
Rasheed Wallace - 7.5
Antonio McDyess - 4.5

Jason Maxiell - 5
Flip Murray - 4.5
Rodney Stuckey - 3

Score: 47.5

1) Boston Celtics
Rajon Rondo - 4
Ray Allen - 8
Paul Pierce - 9
Kevin Garnett - 10
Kendrick Perkins - 3.5

Eddie House - 4.5
James Posey - 5
Scot Pollard - 1.5
Tony Allen - 4

Score: 48

10:
Kevin Garnett
Dwyane Wade
LeBron James
Gilbert Arenas
Tim Duncan
Kobe Bryant

9.5:
Carmelo Anthony
Steve Nash
Chris Bosh
Michael Redd
Amare Stoudemire
Dirk Nowitzki

9:
Chris Paul
Tracy McGrady
Yao Ming
Allen Iverson
Tony Parker
Joe Johnson
Jermaine O'Neal
Dwight Howard
Paul Pierce

8.5
Luol Deng
Zach Randolph
Manu Ginobili
Shawn Marion
Deron Williams
Baron Davis
Pau Gasol

8
Ray Allen
Chauncey Billups
Shaquille O'Neal
Eddy Curry
Vince Carter
Jason Kidd
Rashard Lewis
Gerald Wallace
Jason Richardson
Andre Iguodala
Josh Howard
David West

7.5
Rasheed Wallace
Tayshaun Prince
Rip Hamilton
Kirk Hinrich
David Lee
Antawn Jamison
Caron Butler
Andre Miller
Shane Battier
Tyson Chandler
Mike Bibby
Kevin Durant
Al Jefferson

7
Alonzo Mourning
Ricky Davis
Ben Gordon
Udonis Haslem
Gooden
Hughes
Bargnani
Bogut
Okafor
Terry
Barbosa
Milsap
Miller
Martin
Roy

Rankings based on tiering system - West
1) Rockets 58
2)Suns 56.5
3) Spurs 52
4) Mavs 51.5
5) Nuggets 51.5
6) Utah Jazz 51
7) Lakers - 44
8) Warriors - 44
9)Hornets - 43.5
10) Supersonics - 41.5
11) Hornets- 41.5
12) Kings - 40
13) Clippers - 39
14) Timberwolves - 36
15) Trailblazers - 26

East:
1) Miami Heat - 51
2) Chicago Bulls - 50.5
3)
3) Boston Celtics - 48
4) Pistons - 47.5
5)

2007-10-19T00:05:00.000-04:00

"Mike Hart NFL comparison = Emmitt Smith?"

This is the text message I received from my fellow blogger, Chubbs Kellett this night around 10 PM. And it raises an interesting point: How does Mike Hart project as an NFL prospect?

To start off, let me be clear: As a Michigan fan, I really couldn't give two shits where Mike Hart projects as an NFL prospect. For my money he is the best running back in Michigan history. Period. Yes, better than Perry, Wheatley, Biakabatuka, and Gerald Ford. I can't imagine anyone being a more consistent dominating force. Also, I don't necessarily care to debate this point. Arguments can be made for each guy, and I don't care to denigrate any of these other players to make my point. Just need you to know I feel this way about Mike Hart.

At the same time, I think comparing Hart to Smith is a little unfair to Emmitt. Chubbs (and I, actually) do not think too highly of Emmitt as a runner. This is because of one main reason: Emmitt Smith and Barry Sanders were always considered running back 1. and 1a. when people talked about great runners in the early-mid 90's. Obviously, Sanders outperformed Emmitt with inferior players around him, and Sanders was the better player. This leads us to irrationally, but understably, underrate Emmitt Smith.

I understand where Chubbs is coming from: Hart and Smith are almost exactly the same size (though Emmitt does have about an inch and 15 pounds on him); and both are agile bruising, short yardage specialists. However, while Emmitt was no burner, he was if not faster than Hart in raw speed (which I believe he was), but considering how the game has changed, Emmitt's relative speed is much better than Hart's. And speed is the biggest knock to Mike Hart's playing career. During Emmitt's 6 prime years with Dallas he had long rushes of 75, 68, 62, 46, and 60 yards. Not enormous for a running back, but still huge. In college, Hart's have been 34, 64, 54, and 61 consecutively. (Emmitt's college stats are really unavailable on the internet. It's insane. If anyone can find his longs at Florida, I beg you to post them.) Anecdotally, Emmitt was able to outrun safeties every now and again in his younger days in Dallas, and Hart has really never been able to - even at the college level against some truly awful opponents. Secondly, the NFL is so much faster than it was when Emmitt was good. Safeties now play linebacker spots, LBs play on the D-line and so forth.

The comparison also lacks in one other way: durability. Even if you don't think Emmitt was fast or shifty, and thought the O-line was more important than the big 3 in big D, there is no denying Emmitt Smith's durability. He didn't miss games in the NFL. Hart, on the other hand, has been injured every season at Michigan. There have always been whispers even when he has played how he's had a bad shoulder or a bad knee going into a game. Even as I write this he is questionable with a sprained ankle. (As a sidebar - when's the last time a Michigan RB has stayed healthy in the NFL: Leroy Hoard? Perry, Wheatley, Biakabatuka, A-Train all battled injury or ineffectiveness throughout their careers.)

However, running back to running back. Its tough to think of a better comparison. I get to see Rudi Johnson regularly, and Rudi was an extremely effective runner without ever breaking a long run. In addition, Rudi was an extremely prolific college back who was very underrated because of his lack of speed. On the other hand, Rudi is a classic super-thick, extremely durable "bruising" running back - and there have been those types of runners from Franco Harris to Jerome Bettis to whoever else. In terms of size and talent, Emmitt is a closer fit.

To truly discuss the uniqueness of Mike Hart, we have to go outside the RB comparison. In fact, the best comparison we have to Mike Hart is former Florida State great Peter Warrick.

Think about it.

Both guys were/are severely undersized for their position.
Both guys were/are the best player in college football by the time they were seniors.
Both guys are extremely slow for their position. (For those of you who don't know, PW ran right near a 4.6 at the combine.)
Both guys were/are standouts in college because of:
1) a freaky, almost supernatural agility
2) a similar crazy ability to break tackles consistently despite their size/speed.

There has never been another college wideout like PW, and there has never been a running back like Mike Hart.

While most people will consider this a bad omen for Hart, Warrick was never used properly in the NFL until his final injury free year with Kitna at the helm and Chad Johnson on the other side. That year he rushed for 140 yards, caught 80 balls for 850 yards and blocked terrifically. Unfortunately, injuries derailed his career.

Luckily, as a running back. Hart's QB matters very little. He will be able to make an impact right away. So, even if he only has 5 -7 good years, they won't be squandered the way Warrick's were in Cincinnati.

Unfortunately, like PW, wasn't a true number 1 wideout, I'm not sure Hart can be a constant number 1option at running back. In today's NFL, essentially, if you are a top 5 RB, you are the man. Everyone else platoons. Hart is going to have to platoon, and he will need a platoon. A guy who has this much trouble staying healthy for a 12 game season is going to have a heck of a time for a 16 game NFL season. Just like PW needed Chad to stretch the field, Hart is going to need another back to take some carries off and possibly to change the pace from his style, maybe someone to stretch the field. But, I don't believe Hart will ever be able to be the man like Emmitt was. The game is too fast and he's just not durable enough.

At the same time. Here are the running backs I would take clearly over Hart:
Tomlinson
Addai
Gore (maybe)
ADP
Brian Westbrook
Michael Turner

maybe:
Ronnie Brown (just a physical beast)
Marion Barber
Willie Parker

And that's it.

Go Blue.

2007-06-26T12:33:00.000-04:00

NBA MOCK DRAFT 2007

1) Portland Trailblazers - Kevin Durant F Texas

Should be the pick: Kevin Durant F Texas

First off, the really tricky explanation: why the Blazers actually ARE taking Durant when Oden is the odds on favorite. I think if the Blazers are still trying to figure this out, it's because they are taking Durant. If their new GM wanted Oden all along he should have been drumming up support for him for the last week or so; instead of calling Durant's workout the best he's ever seen. At least wouldn't he leak that they loved Oden and see if any trade offers would come through? It seems too late in the game to still be bluffing like the decision is difficult; so, it seems to me that the decision is tough, which means it's at least 50/50. The GM of the Blazers just doesn't seem like a nimrod to me. I think it's going to be tougher for him to pass on Durant than Oden, I just really believe that. Corollary: Durant is 8 - 1 on Sportsbook to go number 1 overall. Yes, I took that bet. Corollary 2: If your Bob Pritchard (Blazers GM) can you bet on that, maybe he's trying to get Oden's odds better and then bet on him?

For how little I've written on this blog recently, I've squawked about Durant way too much; so I'll make one final case. People have been saying that Oden is more of a "sure thing" than Durant. This claim is untrue. There have been two players in the past 5 years who I have claimed as "unbustable" entering the draft: LeBron James and Reggie Bush. These are guys who have had no chance at becoming below average players in their sport and have a huge chance at becoming all stars. Both LeBron and Reggie had a freakish athleticism, freakish skill and freakish experience. In addition to Reggie being, anecdotally, one of the fastest and shiftiest players I have ever seen on film; he also was a terriffic interior runner, great outside runner, dominant punt returner, dominant kick returner, and a hell of a nice guy who had spent 3 years against great competition in the national spotlight. And Reggie wasn't maybe as amazing as I thought he was going to be in his first year, but he was still a hell of a gamechanger; and still really has no chance to be merely average. LeBron James was a 6'9" 250 pound guard who could run faster than Braylon Edwards. He also happened to be a wickedly good passer, ballhandler and rebounder; and had been dealing with media attention and pressure since his freshman year of high school and didn't even have one really strange incident occur. Both guys could play about 4 different positions at a world class level, having a talent so immense that they could fail at a couple and still become All Pros. Durant is now the third player in that category that absolutely CANNOT BE AVERAGE!!! Durant is 6'9 with a 7' 5" wingspan. He can shoot open three pointers from up to 25 feet at a 40+ percent clip; he can score with either hand from the post; he is an absolutely ferocious and talented rebounder; he is phenomenal at recognizing the double team and Duncan-esque at passing out of it; he shoots 82% from the free throw line; he just averaged 26 points a game in 35 minutes with a point guard who cannot even pass or get him an easy look; he can defend the rim; he can hit mid-range floaters, bank shots, and hooks.

True, Durant does not have LeBron's size, speed, hops, or keen eye for assists. He is, however, already a more versatile scorer, better shooter, better defender, and better rebounder than LeBron was at his age.

That AND, the 3 basketball writers I trust on ESPN: Simmons, Hollinger, and Thorpe ALL have the Durantuala as the clear #1.

2) Seattle Supersonics - Greg Oden

Should be: Greg Oden/Kevin Durant

Easy pick for the Sonics to take whoever is leftover. A quick word about Oden: the guy will obviously be good and defending the rim is a vital component of the new NBA. It seems stupid to knock the next Alonzo Mourning, but that's who I think he will be. Duncan and Shaq were just better coming out of college than Oden is. And it's too bad he wasn't healthy this year to show what he really had. If he does become some sort of Tim Duncan/David Robinson amalgamation it will be something really cool to watch. Too bad for the Sonics who I believe have drafted three project centers in a row in Swift, Saer, and Petro . . .at least they'll finally get one that sticks. Either way, Seattle will still be a few years off from contention no matter who they get.

3) Atlanta Hawks - Al Horford

Should be: Al Horford

Chad Ford tells me the Hawks are taking him, and his guarantees are usually correct.

Horford or Conley, Conley or Horford. Despite Marvin Williams and Shelden Williams early in the draft, the Hawks still don't have a legit post-scorer; and it's easier to get a point guard than it is one of those. You gotta love Horford's all-around game. He's great at scoring down low, passing and knocking down the midrange jumper. A really safe bet.

4) Memphis Grizzlies - Mike Conley

Should be: Conley/Horford

Grizzlies are in a similar situation to the Sonics. Either the Hawks take Horford or Conley, and you take the other one. Memphis needs a point guard and power forward. By the way, their team isn't quite as dreadful as their record. They could run out Conley, Gay, M. Miller, H. Warrick, and Pau Gasol next year. Now, that's not a championship team; but if they can upgrade at Miller or Warrick's spot so one of them can come off the bench, and Gay progresses .. . they could be a tricky opponent.

5) Boston - Joakim Noah

Should be: Traded to the T-Wolves for KG. The T-Wolves would then select Jeff Green

If Boston is dumb enough to keep Jefferson instead of trading him for KG; they have to go with Noah so they can pair someone with Jefferson, who can't pass or play defense, with someone who can do both. A pretty nice find for the Celts, actually.

6) Milwaukee - Corey Brewer

Should be: Brewer/Conley/Wright/Green

Milwaukee is in a tough spot with this pick actually. All the no-brainers are off of the board. I really think Jeff Green should go here, and I would never draft for need this high - but they have Patterson, Simmons, and Villanueval who are all forwards in the Jeff Green mold. They do really need a guard, so I'll go with Brewery. I was wildly high on Brewer until I read Hollinger's column which has Corey ranked very low. But I'm much lower on Brandan Wright. . hate his motor.

7) Minnesota - Spencer Hawes
Should be: Jeff Green (or possibly Wright or Young)
Minnesota desperately needs some players in the front court, and McHale is just stupid enough to choose the player who has bust written all over him. Hawes is going to be a wretched center in the league. NEVER DRAFT A 7 FOOTER WHO COULD ONLY GET 6 REBOUNDS A GAME IN COLLEGE. HINT: THAT MEANS THEY ARE HORRIBLY ATHLETIC.

Assuming they trade KG, they will already have Green, and here would be a perfect time to take a gamble on Brandan Wright.

8) Charlotte - Brandan Wright/Jo Noah
Should take: Rodney Stuckey/Jo Noah

Wright isn't bad value here, even though some say he has been slipping. In most scenarios, Noah would be the guy here (if KG is trade for instance), but if he's not, they won't go for the big Chinese guy opting instead for a huge skilled forward to rinse the taste of that Adam Morrison pick out of their mouths. With Wright, May, and Okafor they have a lot of size and skill for the next 4 years.

9) Chicago - Yi Jianlin
Should take: Brandan Wright/Glen Davis

The Bulls have the luxury of taking a player like Yi and developing him because they are so loaded. At this point, they really can't use another guard with the Duhon, Hinrich, Gordon, Thabo backcourt so full, and their SF position is stocked up with Nocioni and Deng. But they still only have Wallace, Brown, and Thomas on the interior, and they could use a real gamechanger there. Here's the problem, Yi isn't a gamechanger. There is nothing worse than a 7 footer "who can shoot and handle the ball." WHO GIVES A SHIT!!! People think that these people will make good players because of the Duncan, Dirk, KG triumvirate, who have, in some ways revolutionized the 4/5 position. But here's the deal: those guys are great and it has nothing to do with their ablity to "shoot and handle the ball." Duncan is the best post player of our era; Dirk is a PHENOMENAL shooter - one of the best in the game. 90+ from the free throw line 45+ from beyond the arc, rebounds, and is a terriffic mid-range player; and KG's shooting ability and ballhandling ability would mean nothing if he wasn't an athletic freak, hypercompetitive, a great defender, and an absolute beast on the glass. No one cares about a 7 footer who is an average shooter, ballhandler and rebounder cause you know what you have - Donyell Marshall who is 3 inches taller. (This, by the way, is Chad Ford's biggest flaw as an evaluator on ESPN. He overrates any tall guy that can shoot open jumpers and is athletic. The number one thing you need to evaluate any tall guy on is - 1) can he rebound, 2) can he score inside. Only a guy like Dirk can transcend that because he is a freakishly good shooter; and he only became a top 5 player when he 1) started scoring inside and 2) rebounding like a madman.)

If Brandan Wright or Joakim Noah were here, they would take him. But, if not, it should be Glen Davis, and all of Chicago should thank Kevin McHale for taking Spencer Hawes too early. Davis is a much better prospect as he is a big guy that actually, you know, REBOUNDS THE GODDAMN BASKETBALL AND CAN ACTUALLY PASS FROM THE POST. It baffles me that he is not considered a surefire first rounder. I'm really hoping he slips to the Heat at 20.
Granted, they've been bitten by the weight bug before with Michael Sweetney, but pairing Davis with his old college teammate, Tyrus Thomas really helps out their front court.

There's the first 9.

2007-06-19T10:04:00.000-04:00

PLAYS . . . OF . . . THE WEEK

Hello sports fans . . . a few thoughts from the last ten days or so

1. To update the AL and NL MVP Races thus far: A-Rod has taken over the AL MVP from Vlad Guerrero - that might be a tight one to watch.

Chase Utley is still the hands-down leader in the NL. Really, no one is close.

2. I wrote a whole diary about game 3 of the Spurs - Cavs playoff game and didn't post it because I thought it blew. So, here it is:

Well, being that the first half of these finals have blown: I decided to just do a running diary of the second half. Pardon the Central time.

9:32PM We have a Marc Jackson breakdown of Tony Parker abusing the Cavs yet again. Will say that Parker has really impressed me. The thing I don’t get it is how little credit Parker is getting for this. They keep complaining about Larry Hughes or Gibson or Brown. Parker has been dynamite.

9:33 Cavs ball: Oh the Big Z hits a 20 footer to tie it.. Does anoyne else call him the Big Z?

9:34 - Parker just effortlessly drills a 12 footer. When is Brown going to double Parker off those picks?

9:36: Wow, doesn’t Live Free or Die Hard look like shit? And the Macintosh kid is in it? Is there any way this works? AND ITS PG-13?! No way. No way am I seeing this.

9:38 - LeBron turns the ball over again. Wow, is he overmatched in this series. It really looks like he decides whether he’s going to pass or shoot with 22 seconds left in the clock. 44 – 40 Cleveland.

9:40 – WOW!! What a sequence. Fabricio Oberto just makes the world’s slowest spin move to badly beat Illgauskas to the hoop for a reverse layup. But then, miraculously, the Big Z recovers to block the shot. NBA Fever!!! Catch it!

9:41 - Haha. A great new gimmick from Van Gundy – complaining about nice offensive plays by the Cavs. Gooden just pump fakes and drives in for a lay-up and Van Gundy complains about him not taking the open jumper! He did the same thing for Varejao when he made a play earlier.

9:48 – Game’s tied with 4:12 remaining. I can’t get a good beat on this half.

9:51 - Ginobili and LeBron have been absent from this game. One of them is having a big 4th quarter.

9:53 - Wow. Varejao just somehow takes a charge from behind Ginobili. Did that just happen? Varejao actually falls down from behind Manu on a move to the rim.

9:54 LeBron bricks another 3. He is clueless in this series – is he even going to make a defensive play for points in this series. One time in the first half, LeBron took Bowen down to the low post and spun for a layup. He hasn’t posted up AGAIN UNTIL THIS PLAY. And he waited for the double team and kicked it out for three, which missed.

9:55 - Oh wait.. Lebron scored from the low post? Really? NO SHIT LEBRON!! YOU’RE 6’9” 250 GODDAMN POUNDS WITH GUARD SKILLS. WHY AREN’T YOU ALWAYS IN THE POST?!?!?! I have said it before, and I’ll say it again, until LeBron feels comfortable in the post he won’t consistently be on the Kobe, Wade, Duncan level of offensive greatness.

10:00 - Haha. The Cavs take so many damn three pointers – it’s unbelievable. They are like crappy Duke. The thing that’s funny is its not like anyone has to kill themselves to get these open looks. The Spurs are willing to give up these looks cause they are all 38% shooters from there. Standard play from this half: Donyell Marshall stands unguarded at the three point line. LeBron spins into 3 Spurs and makes a jump pass to Marshall who is no more open than he was at the start of the possession. Marshall bricks. Meanwhile, the Spurs are making everything, because they know how to get the players to the right spots. Bowen only takes 3’s from the corner; Ginobili only from the wings; Parker from the top of the key (and rarely) and Finley from the corner or low wing. Just a huge gap here. You can tell the Spurs have played together for 5 years.

10:02 - Wow David Blaine. Wow. Just. Wow.

10:06 - LeBron with another turnover. Followed by a possession where Lebron passes up a wide open 20 footer to give Donyell Marshall a covered three-pointer. Obviously. Marshall clanks it. Brent Barry comes back and drills a wide open three 58 – 50 Spurs. This game is over.

10:08 - Another promo for Live Free or Die Hard.

10:09 – Shaq and fat kids!

10:10 – All right. 10:42 left in the game. The Cavs need to get the ball to the Big Z sometime soon.
10:12 – Nope. Instead LeBron takes a 3. Brick. And . . .then Gibson bricks a 3 after a Duncan turnover. I have never seen a team refuse to even try to get to the rim or the free throw line before. They haven’t had the ball below the free throw line in about 9 game minutes. Unbelievable.

10:11 Duncan drills a silky bank shot. He’s just the best. Sure he’s played with great teams and coaches his whole career, but he’s still never had anyone getting him easy baskets in his career. Neither Parker nor Ginobili have been assist guys.

10:12 LeBron hoop and harm!! 60-53. A drive to the hoop, actually!! We need to alert someone.

10:15 Yikes. . these Cleveland girls are pretty rough looking courtside. That’s really rare, I don’t care what city you’re in.

10:16 - Parker makes it 64- 57.

10:17 - 67 -57 Spurs.

10:20 - Dangit, looking forward to this new Kevin James – Adam Sandler movie. That’s upsetting.

10:23 - 67 – 63 after a hoop and harm from LeBron. He really needs to keep attacking. Instead, next possession he passes to Pavlovic, gets it back, passes it to Gooden. Jump Ball. What the hell is he thinking?

10:25 - Parker and James trade missed layups. 67 - 63 Spurs. The Spurs are now playing 8 feet off James. James bricks the three. They’re not even double-teaming him at this point.

10:31 - James with a big save to keep possession. He’s gotta turn this into points. LeBron comes back and draws the foul on Ginobili. Speaking of Ginobili – where has he been this game. 0 – 7 and he hasn’t even gotten to the rim. Who does he think he is, LeBron?

10:33 – The most intense possession of the game so far 67 – 65 Spurs. Great ball movement and great defense until Duncan draws a foul on Gooden.
Wow. Quick shot of the Jumbotron. The Cleveland Jumbotron had the Michigan logo on it to get the crowd riled up to boo Duncan. Cleveland is just the worst. Ohio State and LeBron fans. . .catch it. . .

10:35 – Wow. . Parker and Pavlovic exchange 3’s. 72 – 70 Spurs.

10:36 Cavs ball with 20 seconds left. .. HAHAHA. . .Varejao tried to put a move on DUNCAN with 16 seconds left!!!!!! Misses the finger roll!!!

10.4 seconds left Ginobili misses the first free throw. 3 point game with 10 seconds left.

10:37 - 10.4 left down 3. Wow. They actually make the right play. LeBron gets to the rim and scores it. An actual great play from Mike Brown. Ginobili is back on the line. The Spurs smartly actually leave Bowen and Duncan their to try to get an offensive rebound. I hate when teams take their players off the block. What the hell sense does that make?

10:39 - Van Gundy and Marc Jackson are discussing the foul vs no foul strategy with 5.5 seconds left. People feel very strongly about fouling. Me, I’d never foul here. I’d always try to play tough good defense. I’ve seen the attempted foul backfire way too many times. . . . so easy to get a continuation in the NBA too. . .

10:43 - !!!!Holy SHIT!!! BOWEN TRIES TO FOUL AND LEBRON PULLS UP!!!! AND THEY DON’T CALL IT!!! UNBELIEVABLE!!!! Van Gundy and Jackson both go on how the Spurs HAVE to foul here. The Spurs DO foul. LeBron recognizes it and pulls up from about 32 feet and doesn’t get the call. That’s nuts – really unbelievable – that whole sequence.

All right. That's over. A few thoughts on the series:

1) I had the Spurs all year as being the best team in the NBA. Granted, Spurs and Suns are pretty damn close; but the Spurs only play their best players 25 - 35 minutes a game in the regular season - they stay so fresh. That, and they only add role players. On any basketball team it takes a long time to mesh - usually at least a year if there are two stars joining up all of the sudden. The Spurs never need to add a star because they locked up the Big 3. Another corollary - really watch out for the Nuggets next year. Seriously.

2) All the conventional wisdom on who to surround LeBron with has been way off. Even Simmons and Hollinger, who I love, all said to surround LeBron with shooters. Well, that's what they did and it's been idiotic. They've added way too many one-dimensional pieces all because people still want LeBron to be this massive point guard. The point guard experiment failed, everyone. LeBron has to play closer to the rim and attack from the wing and he desperately needs a penetrating guard to play on his team. For this team to have a shot at the title - Gibson and Hughes have to get better and LeBron has to become a dominant post player. That's it.

3) Flopping should receive a technical foul. I can't be more serious about this. Even though, it is ten times worse in college basketball with that whole "feet set" bullshit.

4) The West is going to be absurd next year. It will be the biggest discrepancy in my lifetime with Durant and Oden being added. It really is a bummer, just because spurs, mavs, warriors, suns, nuggets, lakers, trailblazers, jazz, hornets, and sonics will ALL be great to watch next year. And in the East there will be a grand total of zero watchable regular season teams. Not one outside of Lebron, Wade or soon-to-be Kobe putting on a memorable performance.

3. More baseball: My fantasy team has been destroyed thanks to getting rid of Troy Glaus and Prince Fielder in favor of Todd Helton and Scott Rolen. Nice decision. No, really good decison.
The AL Central is ridiculous this season. The White Sox really aren't this bad, and they'll be good again next year - but they are worse than the Twins, Tigers, or Indians.
I just couldn't be more pleased with my decision to have Grady Sizemore play left field for me in my baseball dream team; although Beltran has really been eating the shit sandwich lately.

4. NBA Draft Big Board
1) Kevin Durant PF Texas
2) Greg Oden C OSU
3) Al Horford PF Florida
4) Jeff Green SF Georgetown
5) Corey Brewer SG Florida
6) Al Thornton PF BC
7) Mike Conley PG OSU
8) Joakim Noah C Florida
9) Nick Young SG USC
10) Yi China Center

There it is. Brandan Wright and Spencer Hawes are nowhere near this page. Hawes got 6.5 rebounds a damn game in college. If anyone takes Hawes over Noah they're going to regret it for the rest of their GM days. Hawes has low athleticism

This really is a wild draft. There is no one in this 10 who I see as not being able to start in two years with the exception of Yi whose risk might outweigh the reward, because he is actually an athletic center.

Be back soon. . .

2007-06-19T06:21:00.000-04:00

Three Weeks Down

So three weeks are in the books (more or less) for my Egypt trip, marking (more or less) the halfway point of my time here. Culturally, things here continue to baffle and confuse me. Despite being told constantly that certain things are "normal cultural practices" here, I have a hard time not trusting my American instincts on certain things. Perhaps the best example is the Egyptian trend that we lovingly (derisively?) refer to as "The Manwalk." The manwalk is essentially two (or more, we have witnessed a three person manwalk) men walking down the street arm in arm as if they had been dating for many years. Apparently this is a common cultural practice in Egypt, and who am I to doubt that since the penalty for being a gay here in Egypt is death (that's not an exagerration). However, when I visited Alexandria last week, I couldn't help but have my doubts. First of all, the number of manwalks increases exponentially as the night goes on. You may see a few here and there during the daytime, but at night, LOOK OUT, because you are in a sea of manwalkers. Secondly, the number of men participating in manwalks who appear to be suffering from limp-wrist syndrome seems highly disproportionate compared to the rest of society. Third, why the hell were all these manwalks occurring along a gorgeous, romantic stretch of beach? Color me skeptical.

Alexandria was last weekend, and the day was supposed to start with a trip to the pyramids. Which I guess it did, for everyone not named me or Mike Menter. We had gone out the night before until about 4:30 AM? I don't know, that's a rough estimate. Truth is, we went to this bar Deal's, which seems to be the intensity capital of Zamalek (the island in Cairo that we're on), had about 7 or 8 Meister Max beers each (which weigh in at an OE High Gravity-esque 8% alcohol), and proceeded to go off the reservation. Next thing we know, we're in the casino at the Marriot, I win $100 in roulette in my first play at the table, and 30 minutes later I walk home, alone, without the original $100 I even started with, and don't remember any of it. This led to: a) Not making the trip to the pyramids and b) A hangover.

However, at 3 PM I rallied to make the trip to Alexandria. It was a nice city. Alexandria has an absolutely beautiful coastline along the Mediterranean and has some amazing architecture on its buildings. Our hotel, the Windsor Palace Hotel, resembled something that you would see on Ocean Drive in South Beach. The Alexandria Library was also breathtaking as well. All of these photos are on facebook so I won't bore you with descriptions. The highlights of the weekend were teaching our 28 year old Egyptian program assistant Ahmed various dirty phrases and sayings in English. For example: Queef, skeet, donkey show, etc. I think he likes us. Probably not. Our trip was capped off Sunday with a trip to an amazing resort along the beach that had a swim-up bar at the pool. After about 10 minutes on the Mediterranean we gave the sea the old Dwight Schrute treatment and moved poolside to enjoy the swim-up bar. I took over DJing behind the bar and soon Alexandria was well versed in the lyrical stylings of 50 Cent. Sadly, our bus had to depart at 3 PM otherwise I would've spent upwards of 15 hours drinking beer, smoking shisha, burning my skin, and bumping beats.

I guess I take classes too, I've skipped a few of them, and I still haven't read the night before a class yet. I guess I should get on that eventually, but going out to a shisha bar two doors down from your dorms or going to Deals aka Rick's All-American Cafe: Middle East is far too appealing.

Also, I've had diarrhea for two weeks. Seriously. Do not come here unless you enjoy shitting like I do.

This past weekend we went to St. Catherine's Monastery (the site of Moses' burning bush), Mt. Sinai (where Moses received the Ten Commandments), and Sharm el-Sheikh (where Moses may have received the clap). The bus ride to St. Catherine's was awful. The bus left at 2 AM Wednesday night/Thursday morning, so obviously I was drunk to start the trip, as were a handful of others. The trip took 9 hours. NINE HOURS. I cannot begin to describe to you how awful the leg room situation was on this bus. I know Egyptians are short but Jesus Christ this was bad. Eventually we got there, but St. Catherine's Monastery was less than impressive. Yes, it was cool to see the burning bush. No, the rest of the Monastery was not that sweet. There were some old gospels and shit that were there, but after a 9 hour bus ride, I honestly did not care that much. After that we did absolutely nothing, because this place is in the middle of fucking nowhere in the desert. Also, we had to prepare for another 2 AM trip, this time a hike up Mt. Sinai. In order to prep for this climb, I watched the final two episodes of the Sopranos.

Wow. Those final two episodes of the Sopranos were amazing. Yes, the final scene was abrupt. I agree, could've been done a little better. However, I didn't need closure on all the storylines. It would have been impossible for that to be done. You'd have had to kill nearly every character in the damn show for you to know exactly how things turned out. I don't think Tony was going to be killed at all, not with his family present. It leaves a little to the imagination, and that's fine by me. My only quibble is with Meadow. How fucking HUGE was that spot she was parallel parking into?! Jesus, Meadow. Also, how could anyone complain about that finale after we just watched a fucking MOB WAR breakout over the final two episodes. Are you kidding me?! Does it get any better than a mob war?! I was getting goosebumps all over the place during those final two episodes, especially during Leotardo's poetic (if not, comedic) death.

Anyway, so the trip up Mt. Sinai was probably one of the most physically exhausting things I've ever done in my entire life. An absolute endurance test, pain everywhere, but whatever, I made it to the top in about 100 minutes. Immediately upon reaching the summit I commanded that Phil break out his loudspeakers and iPod and that "Africa" by Toto be played for all to enjoy who had reached the peak. Pretty sure that's the first time anyone's ever done that, and if not, it's certainly the first time anyone's ever played "Welcome to Miami" by Will Smith on top of Mt. Sinai. The view was amazing, and we got to watch the sunrise over all of the surrounding mountains. After that, we had another hour or so trip down, at which point I realized I had no more cartilege left in my knees. Needless to say, I slammed 3 advil and passed out immediately after we got back.

Sharm el-Sheikh came next, and it was amazing. We stayed at the Marriot which had huge rooms and gorgeous pools. The Red Sea was phenomenonal (though saltier than day-old semen), and featured some pretty cool snorkling along the reefs with lots of exotic fish. Also featured: jellyfish by the thousands that don't sting. This led to a fun game of, "See who you can hit in the face with the most jellyfish." We were chastized by our program director and other caring souls (also see: pussies) for this, but it was just way too much fun. Also way too much fun? Getting free weed while we were in Sharm el-Sheikh. I'm not getting into the details, but yes it was shady. However, it was free, and it wasn't oregano, so fuck off.

Spent Friday night at this sick open-air club called "Pacha" just completely blazed face and drunk. There are A LOT, and I mean, A LOT of attractive girls in Sharm el-Sheikh. The hottest of all the Egyptians are there, and more importantly, Eastern European women on vacation. I spent about a half hour dancing with some British blonde, and something somewhere went wrong (note: she probably saw my face for the first time a half-hour in), and a couple of us left to go find the casino. Blacked as we were, we couldn't find it, and instead blazed more. This is pretty much how Saturday went as well. Red Sea, pool, blaze, food at the beach, blaze, drinks at the beach, blaze, rinse, repeat. All in all, a pretty sweet weekend.

2007-06-06T14:41:00.000-04:00

PLAYS. . . OF. . . THE WEEK!!!!!!!!

All right. Here is the beginning of regular posting.

A few comments:

1) Durant apparently tested very poorly at the NBA combine - 0 bench presses of 185 - smaller vert and slower than Oden. Blah, blah, blah. Did anyone not expect this? The misperception of Kevin Durant is that he is some sort of 6'10" athletic freak ala Kevin Garnett, Tracy McGrady, or Shawn Marion. What in the hell were you people watching? Oden is the physical freak. (Although KD did measure a freakish 7'4" wingspan.) Durant isn't nuts athletically but neither were Dirk Nowitzki, Scottie Pippen, or Larry Bird. Kevin Durant, is frankly one of the most skilled basketball players I've ever seen. His absolute basement as a player is less athletic/worst defensive, much better offensively Shawn Marion. His basement! (Can anyone help me out with a better comparison. Super super Tim Thomas maybe . . .maybe his basement is More talented, super-motivated Tim Thomas.)

2) Just beginning to buy the Oden hype. He really is going to be the best center in the NBA for 5 years. Just think about ALL the shitty 7 footers that have been drafted. Other than Yao, the only serviceable center to come out of the draft in the last 7 years is Chris Kaman, right? Al Jefferson could maybe play some center, but he can't guard anyone. Let me know if I'm wrong.

3) Wow, do I love baseball. Although, I swear to god the Yankees and the Red Sox play every weekend. I'm convinced of this. Every Sunday night game is Yankees-Sox. And you know what? I always watch it. Usually because the Red Sox always have an entertaining pitcher on the mound. I love good pitching and getting to watch Beckett, Schilling, Dice-K, and Wakefield is usually worth it.

4) Other pitchers that you should really mark down to watch him throw this year:

1) Danny Haren - this guy has more guts than any pitcher in the league. Only strikes out guys when he needs to, and will always have entertaining facial hair. He has been hands-down the AL Cy Young so far. He's a durable Roy Halladay.

2) Cole Hamels- long hair, laid back, but a totally huge power pitcher. A little inconsistent, but he's always the coolest guy in the ballpark. Always capable of a Pedro-like 9 inning 15 strikeout masterpiece.

3) Chris Young - if only because he is 6'10" and incredibly awkward but effective. Effortlessly throws the ball in the low 90s. Yet, is so effortless and big it takes him forever to get the ball to the plate ANYONE can steal on him. In 2006 he gave up 41 stolen bases on 42 attempts. This year I've seen Edmonds, Rolen, Preston Wilson, and So Taguchi steal off him. Always exciting.

5) This list will be updated: But, currently, this would be my uber baseball team:

1. SS Jose Reyes

2. 2B Chase Utley

3. 1B Pujols

4. RF Vlad Guerrero

5. CF Beltran

6. LF G. Sizemore

7. C R. Martin

8. 3B Aramis Ramirez

9. P J. Santana

SU: Papelbon

C: Nathan

Now the explanation. Feel free to skip this whole section.

1. I take Reyes narrowly over Hanley Ramirez and by a few more paces over Jeter and Renteria. Jeter and Renteria have both been smashing the ball this year. But, Renteria's days of an elite fielder are finished and Jeter has even been worse than his usual self at his position this year. He has zero range and this year he's making errors. Not much to choose from between Ramirez and Reyes, accept to say that while Ramirez is a good SB guy. Reyes is the best since Henderson at swiping a bag. I was watching a Mets game. They were tied with 2 outs bottom of the ninth. The opposing team throws a pitch-out, and Reyes still stole the bag! Still wondering where Reyes power is that he showed last year, though . . . Ramirez may overtake him. I actually didn't love Reyes leading off here, cause I like a guy who's going to get on base. But you can't have anyone in front of him to clog the paths up. And a quick hello to Adam Everett who has been the game's best defensive SS for about 5 years running.

2. Utley is far and away the game's best second baseman. A shout-out to Dan Uggla and Brian Roberts who are having very good years in their own right, but Uggla doesn't have the defense or average and Roberts is great on defense but has zero power. Should probably be batting further down in the order on this team. But I don't see much use in putting a basestealer on in front of Pujols or Vlad. You'd like them to hit whatever pitch they want.

3. Pujols is the best offensive, defensive, and baserunning 1B in the game. The game's best player hits in the three-hole. Obviously, Fielder and Lee have been outstanding this year as well.

4. Vladimir Guerrero has been the game's best player so far this year. Has to be included in any talk of the best outfielder of our era. Still has a cannon and is having his greatest season hitting this year. He'll be a perfect hitter behind Pujols because no pitcher EVER wants to throw to Guerrero - just too damn scary to face.

5. I believe Beltran is one of the game's best defensive CF at this point in his career and also one of the best on offense.

6. Sizemore gets the call in Left. Sure he's a CF in real life, but this is my ueber team, and he'd make a hell of a left fielder. A solid gamer, and could jumpstart the offense by stealing a bag or two right after the power guys are through.

7. Catcher was the toughest call to make. Mauer has been banged up and hasn't developed quite as much power so far as I expected him too. But he's probably still the choice if he had been healthy. Don't love McCann or Posada's defense and I HATE V-Mart's D. So I'll go with Russel Martin who's healthy and would swipe 20 bags for my team.

8. I'm sorry, A-Rod is just too awkward and too weird to put on my team. That and he can't play defense, and he can't celebrate a home run. Rolen, as usual, isn't living up to his potential for the 10th consecutive year, and I LOVE Cabrera as a hitter, but he would have to play outfield for me because he has zero range. I hate Aramis Ramirez, but in the 8th spot all I really want is a lot of pop, and Aramis has as much pop as anyone. And, sadly, his defense has gone from god-awful to slightly above average. But, David Wright, A-Rod, or Cabrera would all make fine choices. It seems like 3B is turning into 1B. You just put a big bomber there and hope he makes up for his defense with his offense.

9. I have to go Santana. He hasn't been great this year. But in about 4 weeks, he'll turn it on and win 10 straight with a 1.03 ERA. It happens every year. I don't like passing up on Peavy or Haren here -who have been dominant. But I have to go with track record. And even though he hasn't been phenomenal so far. He's still been easily top 10 in the league.

SU and C: Papelbon and Nathan have assumed the role of game's best closers. I like Papelbon to get a tough strikeout with men on in the 7th and Nathan to have a clean slate in the 9th. It's that simple. Mo Rivera has finally dropped off completely. Something isn't cutting, because I see guys hang around for 10 pitches against him. That NEVER used to happen. Hell of a career for a guy who only had one pitch. I will say I've never seen Al Reyes pitch. Statistically, he looks impressive though considering his division.

2007-06-03T09:29:00.000-04:00

First Nights in Egypt

So the first few nights in Egypt are in the book, and I must say, I am VERY impressed with the city's night life so far. People are out until all hours of the morning. Some of them don't drink obviously (because of Allah or pigs or something), but everyone is out late and a lot of the people here do seem to get after it. First of all, EVERYONE smokes. Everyone. Cigarettes and hookah (shishah), and they do it everywhere. Hookah, like everything else here is absurdly cheap. It's basically $1 per person for a hookah, much like it costs me about $1.50 to eat breakfast and lunch everyday. I should buy a car here or something. Or a woman. Whichever's cheaper I guess.

The first night out, on Friday, we went to a gorgeous restaurant on the Nile called Sequoia. Open air bar, beautiful out, bumpin' some soulful beats (including a techno remix of Kelis' "Milkshake"), right on top of the Nile. I'm pretty confident in saying it's the coolest bar/restaurant I've ever been too. The place was very loungy, but it wasn't the kind of place you would expect people from NJ Guido to want to go to, so that was nice. There appeared to be only a few of us getting after it (me and Menter obviously among them), and after smoking some shishah and downing some of the local beer "Stella" (no, not Stella Artois), we headed out looking for bars. Sadly, me and Menter had no idea how to get anywhere and we ended up walking about a mile to this place Bora Bora which may have been nice if the guy didn't make us pay 50 pounds ($9) minimum that couldn't be applied towards booze, then refused to let us out of the minimum after we told him there was some confusion and that we'd just pay for our beers and leave. Egyptians do not abide by the motto, "The customer is always right" apparently. They also don't abide by the motto, "Always use deodorant" or "Be less stupid." Anyway, we eventually came back and I passed out with my laptop on my chest.

Saturday, like today, we had orientation at the school. Whatever. Boring ass shit. They gave us cell phones though and if you want to call me in Egypt (fine by me, you may have to pay a decent buck though) or probably text me which won't be expensive, you have to dial 011-20-184250207. Yeah, I dont get it either.

Also, the campus is absolutely gorgeous, I posted some photos of it on facebook, but it is wide open, green, and is perfect for chilling, reading, and ripping mad butts.

Saturday night a bunch of us went for dinner and drinks at this bar/restaurant near the dorms called Don Quichotte. Yeah, they spelled it wrong. Place was kind of lame, as we should've expected, but it was a nice atmosphere, just nothing you wouldn't see all over the place in the states and hence, disappointing. After that though, was anything but a disappointment.

We then took a cab to the Hotel Marriot, which, by the way, is a fucking palace. Seriously, I think it qualifies as a palace. It's enormous. It also has a casino which thankfully we didn't get to last night. However, out back is this HUGE outdoor area of bar/restaurants. We immediately ordered 3 shishas and 8% Meister beer. Needless to say, I got after it. The place was huge, full of Christmas lights, and even had two Egyptians singing with a band and a belly dancer. We thought it was awesome. Also awesome is spending 5 hours drinking and smoking hookah, getting the bill, and realizing you only have to pay $25. God Egypt is awesome.

Also, apparently I may or may not have knocked over some empty bottles with the hookah, and I may or may not have passed out with my laptop on my chest again

I've got to run now though, I need to read for my classes tomorrow before I go out again tonight. Met some random undergrad chicks staying in the dorm on the bus back today and plan on getting after it with them. Check out the photos on facebook if you're interested. Holler.

2007-06-01T08:31:00.000-04:00

In Egypt

So I arrived in Egypt safely. Somewhat worse for the wear. It took about 26 hours of travel time, and a mind-boggingly annoying layover in Rome. Let me say this: Italian people are idiots. Also, apparently it is just fine for people in security lines in Italy to cut you if they feel their need to get to their flight is more pressing. This is not something that went over all too well with people (myself included). I cannot even imagine someone trying to pull this kind of shit in American airport. Punches would be thrown. Also, Italians are short and slow. And greasy.

The trip itself wasn't that bad, I got to watch movies on demand on the flight from Newark to Rome thanks to Alitalia. I watched Blood Diamond (amazing) and Stranger than Fiction (also awesome) with Will Ferrell. However, my trip was not marked by any sleep, and since I didn't finish packing until 5:30 AM of the day my trip left. I arrived on Thursday at 4:30 PM having slept approximately 4.5 hours over the past two days.

The airport was fairly hectic, but not nearly as much as the roadways. New York cabbies have NOTHING on the drivers here. The roads are 3 lanes, but the cars drive 5 wide. It's truly an amazing sight. None of us could survive on the roads here, or smell nearly as bad as these cab drivers. Our cab driver made it back to the dorm in about 1/3 of the time it would have taken me. Needless to say, I was impressed, and I committed my first sexual act of the trip on him: a polite hand job.

The architecture is fairly impressive here. Everything is very crowded, and the buildings are all enormous, but they are all aesthetically pleasing (for the most part.) The area around the Nile is beautiful, and me and Menter discovered a few outside bars while walking around this morning that we may hit up tonight.

Still haven't seen much of Cairo, once we got to the dorms and setup shop, Menter and I passed out for about 12-13 hours. Our dorm room is huge though, I'm very pleased. The short stocky Egyptian man who showed us up who smelled like an old shoe also showed great social tact by questioning Menter about his lack of hair. Menter failed to similarly question his foe's lack of deodorant.

So far we've mainly just walked around the dorm area. I picked up a new digital camera (pictures will soon follow) and we finally picked up power plug converters at Radio Shack (yes they have Radio Shack's here). We noticed some semi-swanky looking outdoor bars right along the Nile that had American club-like names (Bora Bora, Sway) that we may check out later. In the meantime we went to some uninteresting cafe along one of the streets that borders the Nile to get some local food and smoke some hookah (called Shisha here). Good times. Apparently everybody here smokes, and you can do it pretty much anywhere. Kind of like Chicago, except not at all.

Downsides: Smelly people, poors, and apparently you can be hung for doing drugs (this is a theory we may test, but a sign at the airport seemed pretty explicit about it).

2007-05-05T21:24:00.000-04:00

Running Diary of De La Hoya Mayweather

9:25 - At my buddy Gould's apartment, slamming pizza, drinking beer, and working on getting a D+ on my Constitutional Law final. Watching two 122 lb minorities pummel each other. Good times.

9:38 - Why are there so many Filipinos in the lightweight boxing division? This guy Bautista is slaughtering some (I'm assuming) Mexican Medina. He knocked him down once, although I just think Medina was off balance. Also, Batista has a minor cut over his eye now that could be a problem later on.

9:43 - Medina has compeltely turned this fight around and nearly knocked out Bautista twice in the 7th. I love watching small guys absolutely slaughter each other.

10:05 - The decision is Bautista over Medina by unanimous decision. Pretty good fight. Both sides scored knockdowns. Bautista seemed to be better the boxer except for that seventh round. Whatever. Can we get the real thing started already? I want Mayweather to enter with 50 Cent. Please let this happen.

10:20 - This 2nd undercard fight is awful. I'm borderline drunk. This quasi-white guy Mexican Hernandez is getting slaughtered by Juarez. Whatever. I'll check back with you when the entrances come out.

10:45 - I love HBO showing the ref telling these fighters the rules while they pretend to care. Also enjoyable, watching Freddie Roach watch Mayweather get his gloves taped and holding back all of his anger about Roger Mayweather prankcalling him two weeks before the fight pretending to be a media member.

11:15 - Celebrity shots: Matthew McConaughey (YES!), John Madden, Al Michaels, John Cusack, Will Ferrell, Magic Johnson, Wesley Snipes (didn't go to jail for tax evasion), USHER!, Leo DiCaprio, Puff Daddy, Jack Nicholson, Jim Carrey, Tom Jones, Tobey Maguire.

11:21 - This just in: Larry Merchant hates black people.

11:22 - Wait, the national anthem for Mexico isn't "Bailamos"?! Come on!

11:24 - And Marc Anthony singing the national anthem. What the hell is going on?! This is America!

11:25 - 50 Cent is in Floyd Mayweather's prayer circle backstage! YES!

11:28 - MAYWEATHER IS COMING OUT IN THE MEXICAN ASSASSIN OUTFIT! HE'S WEARING THE SOMBRERO AND THE MEXICAN FLAG COLORS! YES! Eat shit, De La Hoya! 50 CENT RAPPING TO MAYWEATHER'S ENTRANCE! I AM SHITTING MY PANTS!

11:31 - De La Hoya is coming out to bland ass Mexican music, Larry Merchant just called him "handsome." I've never wanted a guy to win a boxing match more than Floyd Mayweather.

11:35 - Let's get readdddddddddddddddddy rumbleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

11:41 - Mayweather takes round 1 (in my scorecard). Oscar looks kinda scared. Mayweather was dancing around him, laying in some decent jabs. Oscar looks bigger (may just be his bigger shoes). But Mayweather is VERY fast, and De La Hoya is going to have to clench and keep him close. I said before the fight I thought Mayweather would win in a unanimous decision 9 rounds to 3. We'll see how that stands.

11:45 - Oscar wins rounds 2. Lands some solid punches. Mayweather didn't do much of anything. De La Hoya did a good job of keeping him close and against the ropes, but he did throw a lot of punches. Scorecard: De La Hoya 19 - Mayweather 19.

11:49 - Close round. Oscar made a lot of moves on Mayweather in this round, landed some solid punches, but Mayweather landed more and threw a lot less. I give the round to Mayweather in a close one. Scorecard: Mayweather - 29; De la Hoya - 28.

11:53 - Oscar clearly take round 4. Pins him against the ropes. Lands some really solid punches. Mayweather doesn't get much off. BUT, De La Hoya hasn't dont anything with his jab, he's throwing all power punches, landed a few, but ost were deflected. Scorecard: Mayweather - 38; De La Hoya - 38.

11:57 - Mayweather had a great round. Landed 3-4 SOLID punches on De La Hoya, who looks really tired. Compubox says Mayweather landed 21 power punches to De La Hoya's 9. Scorecard: Mayweather -48; De La Hoya - 47.

12:01 - Close Round. I'm giving it to mayweather, although De La Hoya landed his best punch of the fight so far. Thoughts so far: Hate how the crowd is so pro- De La Hoya. De La Hoya is going to have to knock out Mayweather. Mayweather is SO fast. Scorecard: Mayweather - 58; De La Hoya - 56.

12:05 - Another close round. Mayweather was accurate. Oscar won the first 50 seconds though pretty easily. I'd give it to Oscar. Great fight so far. When does 50 Cent or Roger Mayweather enter the ring and start pummelling this Mexican? Scorecard: Mayweather - 67; De la Hoya - 66.

12:09 - God. That rounds was wayyyy too close to call. I'm going Mayweather, he's throwing less punches landing about the same. Scorecard: Mayweather - 77; De la Hoya - 75;

12: 13 - Round to Mayweather. Lampley thinks it's close. Merchant agrees with me. Mayweather had his most aggressive round since the first. He landed more punches. He's saving himself for these rounds I think. De La Hoya has thrown 80 more punches. He's going to be tired now. Scorecard: Mayweather - 87; De La Hoya - 84.

12:17 - Round to Mayweather. Shitty round. Not many punches of note. Mayweather landed one SOLID right. But De La Hoya is definitely tired. Mayweather is unbelievably quick. He CANNOT be hit. De La Hoya looks frustrated in the corner. I think Mayweather coasts to the end. Scorecard: Mayweather - 97; De La Hoya - 93.

12:21 - Mayweather takes it again, although De La Hoya landed a shot that hurt Mayweather. Mayweather is CLEARLY outboxing De La Hoya. This isn't a war, but Mayweather is a GREAT technical fighter. De La Hoya needs to knock out Floyd. Man he looked tired in that last round. Scorecard: Mayweather - 107; De La Hoya - 102.

12: 25 - Mayweather was openly laughing during that last round. He knows he's won. De la Hoya was tired. He tried his hardest to knock down Mayweather, but Mayweather was too fast to be hit. Give Oscar credit, he made a valiant effort for the first half of that fight. Mayweather was too good. Oscar wins the final round just because he was trying so hard to knock him out and landed more. But scorecard: Mayweather - 116; De La Hoya - 112. 8 Rounds to 4. Not far off from my prediction.

12:28 - WOWWWWWWWWWW! Split decision?! Whoever gave that fight to De La Hoya should be seriously questioned. Whatever. The judges who took Mayweather had it 115-113. The other had it the other way for De La Hoya. Whatever. Justice was done. Mayweather won. Great fight.
12: 29 - Floyd Mayweather Sr. heads over and consoles De La Hoya before seeing his son. People are going to say this didn't live up to the hype. But I enjoyed this fight. I think De La Hoya's career is over.

12:30 - Floyd in the postfight interview fight was AMAZING. First, he calls his fight "A fuckin' masterpiece." Then he calls the fight as it is, and this is how it was, that Oscar's main flurries were only thrown while clenching. The Roger-Floyd Sr. rivalry rivalry is touched on but nothing that funny, other than Roger saying, "We BEAT HIS ASS!"

12:33 - This just in again: Larry Merchant hates black people.

12:37 - WOW. Floyd Sr. says maybe the fight should've gone to Oscar! What a psychopath! Watching Larry Merchant and Floyd Sr. try to talk to each other is like watching a scene from "The Ringer." Both people have been beaten retarded.

2007-04-28T13:06:00.000-04:00

NFL Draft Running Diary

12:15 - The Raiders draft Jamarcus Russell. A lot of people aren't really sold on him as being a franchise QB. Count me among them. I think his potential is amazing. He's athetlic, huge, and has an absolute cannon. He's also performed well against good competition throughout his career, something I can't say for a lot of QB prospects (coughBrady Quinncough). I think other than Calvin Johnson though, this is the only other guy you can take here, and the Raiders already have plenty of wideouts.

12:30 - The Lions select.... you guessed it! Frank Stallone!

No seriously, they drafted another wide receiver. Calvin Johnson. Honestly, I actually like this pick. I think Brady Quinn is garbage (and he seems to be the pick that everybody who doesn't like the Johnson pick was pulling for), and Calvin Johnson is probably the best athlete in the entire draft. I can't imagine him not becoming a great WR with his dimensions (6'5" 230 lbs) and athleticism (43 inch vert, 4.3 speed). I know it's another WR in the first round for Millen, and don't get me wrong, I do find it highly amusing, but I think you have to look at Charles Rogers and Mike Williams as sunk costs, suck it up, and realize you just upgraded from Mark Furrey to a potential franchise WR.

12:45 - Browns take Tackle Joe Thomas. Uhhh, I don't really know how to analyze this pick. The Browns suck and have an infinite number of needs it seems. QB, RB, defense, you name it. Once again, I don't like taking Brady Quinn here, but I might have looked long and hard at Adrian Peterson, who I think is going to be an amazing NFL running back, before taking Joe Thomas. Thomas is solid but struggled at times (see: Lamarr Woodley). That being said, I'm very high on building your offense around a solid offensive line, so nothing too negative I can say about this pick.

12:55 - The Buccaneers take Gaines Adams. Whatever. Solid pick. If they took Brady Quinn with Chris Simms, Jeff Garcia, Bruce Gradkowski, Vinny Testeverde, Ken O'Brien, and Y.A. Title on their roster, they'd be wasting money and talent. I haven't seen much of Gaines Adams, but what I have seen he looks extremely athletic, I'm remembering that fumble he returned for a TD last year. Solid pick.

1:05 - Arizona takes Levi Brown, a tackle out of Penn State. GREAT pick. It's extremely clear that the Cardinals need offensive line help. Edgerrin James went from averaging close to 5 yard per carry to well under 4 last year. Arizona has A LOT of talent at the skill positions (QB, RB, and WR) and they need to protect them. Really like this pick.

Also, in other news, highlights so far from the draft:
1. Brady Quinn visibly upset by not being taken thus far.
2. Keyshawn Johnson referring to his backup QB (Brett Basanez?) as nothing.
3. Steve Young drunk? Not sure on this yet, will get back to you.

1:18 - The Washington Redskins select Safety LaRon Landry. Once again, Daniel Snyder is a moron. Laron Landry is awesome, don't get me wrong. But this clearly is the "I'm picking the guy who's got the most buzz" pick, which when you recently signed Adam Archuleta to a HUGE free agent deal and already have Sean Taylor at safety, this seems pretty stupid to me. Why not trade this pick to a team who is stupidly salivating over Brady Quinn, or a team desperately looking for Adrian Peterson?

Also, not sure, but I think Brady Quinn just shed his first tear. Although the Vikings are on the clock right now with a FABULOUS QB rotation of Drew Henson, Tavaris Jackson, and Brook Bollinger.

Also also, Adrian Peterson's watch is a sight to behold. I can't even imagine how many 8 year olds in Africa had to be armed with AK 47s to make that thing.

1:27 - The Minnesota Vikings select ADRIAN PETERSON! Great pick for the Vikings. I think Adrian Peterson is going to be a phenomenonal running back. I guess there were some injury concerns there, but that broken collarbone was a freak accident, and I don't know of anyone who has ever had recurring collarbone injuries. That'd be pretty odd. I know that the Vikings have Chester Taylor, who did really well last year, and their QB situtation sucks, but here's the thing. Teams in the NFL now seem to want/need two solid RBs on their roster, and this certainly gives that to the Vikings. Also, Brady Quinn sucks. I am LOVING this. Horse faced Quinn is probably regretting those 6 turnovers he had against Michigan this past year right now. Eat shit.

1:28 - Cigarette Break.

1:38 - The Falcons select... Jamal Anderson! I thought he was retired! Does this mean the return of the dirty bird? Oh shit, he's a defensive end out of Arkansas. Not a 38 year old retired running back. And his name is spelled "Jamaal". Whatever. This better mean the return of the dirty bird. That's all of my analysis.

Other random thoughts:
- Just in... Brady Quinn... still a gay.
- Is there anything more depressing to a Giants fan than seeing "Key loss: Tiki Barber; Key addition: Reuben Droughns"? Especially knowing how happy Today Show fans are when they see "Key loss: Bryant Gumbel; Key addition: Tiki Barber" come across their screen? Sure you might have lost some team leadership, but the Today Show's overall athleticism has increased ten fold while still maintaining their Uncle Tom factor at a high level.

1:51 - HIGHEST OF HIGH COMEDY! The Dolphins select... TED GINN! Brady Quinn is seen nodding his head, clearly visibly upset again, and mouthing the words "That was a nice pick." I really can't get over how hilarious this is becoming for Brady. His girlfriend is clearly becoming antsy and wondering if it was all worth it. I don't think this is a good pick for the Dolphins, Ginn's going to be a solid slot receiver, and a great special teamer, but I don't ever see him becoming a #1 WR. Also, he's a huge bitch. See: Ohio State.

I'm praying that Brady Quinn has a Maciej Lampe-esque fall to the 2nd round at this point. I can't wait.

I'm going to say this now, because I don't think David Harris will go in the first round letting me comment on it, but I think he's going to be a GREAT linebacker in the NFL. I know I'm biased because I'm a Michigan fan, but honestly, this guy is going to be amazing. I've never seen a guy who is not only unbelievably fundamentally sound, but can make amazing plays that nobody else can. He was my favorite player on a Michigan defense that included All-Americans Leon Hall, Lamarr Woodley, AND Alan Branch (two of whom are definitely going in the first round, and one of whom could).

2:05 - Texans select Amobi Okoye. I think this kid is going to be great. First of all, you're drafting a 19 year old, so you're getting a few more years that you might not have with another draft pick. Secondly, he's a 302 lb defensive lineman who has insane athleticism and has shown no problems at all getting to the quarterback on a regular basis. I still think Alan Branch is a better DT, particularly in a conventional defense, but Okoye will be great.

Also, once again, eat shit Brady Quinn.

Brett Van Benthysen, you are on the clock.

2:14 - HAHAHAHAHAAHA! THEY JUST PULLED BRADY QUINN OUT OF THE GREEN ROOM AND INTO A PRIVATE SUITE AWAY FROM THE MEDIA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! EAT A DICK! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

2:18 - The 49ers select Patrick Willis from Ole Miss. Solid pick, I still think David Harris is a better inside linebacker than this guy, but he is extremely athletic, and it's hard to argue with taking a Butkus award winner. The 49ers are going to be good this year, they just need Alex Smith to not suck massively and they will be a playoff team, their defense is nasty. I hate admitting that. Brett just stepped back from the ledge.

2:25 - OK, well Michael Smith just took dumbest analyst comment of the day award early with his "A lot of people may have been overhyping Quinn just because his first name is Brady" comment. He wasn't joking either.

2:30 - The Bill select Marshawn Lynch. This seems like a good choice here, Marshawn Lynch is extremely fast, should be a solid running back. I'm surprised they didn't go with Leon Hall here though, Leon Hall was a top 10 talent according to Mel Kiper. Especially with the loss of Antoine Winfield, and with the decision to keep Willis McGahee, I'm not sure if this is the best need pick here.

2:40 - Rams select defensive end Adam Carriker from Nebraska. Whatever. Don't know or care about how good this pick is. Do know and care that Brady Quinn is crying somewhere in a janitor's closet at the Garden right now. Also, do know and care that Leon Hall might fall to the Giants at this point. I'm peeing all over the place right now in anticipation.

2:44 - MSG crowd ERUPTS as they announce that the Jets just traded up to get the 14th pick from the Panthers. Probably eyeing a cornerback at this point, namely Leon Hall. Dammit Leon Hall going to the other New York football team. Shit.

2:46 - The trade is the Jets 25th, 59th, and 164th overall picks for the Panthers 14th and 199th overall picks. Makes sense. The Jets obviously saw something they wanted. I like this move.

2:53 - The Jets picked Darrelle Revis over Leon Hall. That was stupid. Enjoy that Jets fans.

3:00 - The Steelers select Lawrence Timmons. YES! One more pick closer to the Giants selecting Leon Hall. Anthony, I will be so SALT if the Bengals get Leon Hall. Just draft Quinn, Carson needs a backup. Come onnnnnnnnn.

3:04 - Forgive the racism but...

AllmanBrosBand84 (3:01:47 PM): Has anyone made more money off shines than Drew Rosenhaus since 1865
ptrck2184 (3:04:10 PM): the catering company that runs our cafeteria?

3:06 - Did Steve Young murder Chris Mortenson's kid or something? Why is Chris Mortenson challenging him at every turn? I'm waiting for a Jim Everitt-Jim Rome-esque moment to erupt between these two right now. Guess who I'm taking in that fight.

3:07 - Suzy Kolber gets the Brady Quinn-room exclusive interview! Brady is 'trying to calm his family down.' Admits to "not anticipating falling past 9." He completely blanks when being asked what his best case scenario is at this point, and Suzy Kolber is talking about the Browns possibly picking him up in the... drum roll............. SECOND ROUND! Today, Charles Kellett is a happy, happy man.

3:10 - I just sneezed and separated my shoulder.

3:13 - Packers select Justin Harrell a DT from Tennessee? With Alan Branch still on the board? Coming off a season where he missed 10 games?! What the hell?! Well that was stupid. Whatever, bring on Leon Hall.

3:23 - Dammit, the Broncos just traded up to 17 with the Jaguars. I'm beginning to freak out. Are they looking to replaced the recently murked Darrent Williams? The three guys they just mentioned the Broncos to be after were ALL Michigan players. Alan Branch, David Harris, and you guessed it, Leon Hall.

3:27 - Broncos select Jarvis Moss. Good pick, I think he'll be very good, very Jevon Kearse-esque. Kind of upset no one from Michigan has gone yet. Not kind of upset that one of them is Leon Hall.

3:30 - Can we pelase just draft someone from Michigan, Giants? Please? Please?

3:35 - Fuck you Anthony. Leon Hall to the Bengals.

3:45 - Titans pick Texas safety Michael Griffin from Texas. Kind of an odd pick here. I was certain they would take a WR to help out Vince Young who last year had Drew Bennett and an old wooden ship as his best targets. Whatever. Bring on the Giants. I'm pulling for Alan Branch right now, the Giants need a solid interior lineman, and Alan Branch would be perfect. I am biased? Yes. Do I care? No. If we don't take Branch I'd like us to trade to a team that is masturbating over the though of Brady Quinn and get more picks so they can maybe take a CB and a T maybe within the first 40 picks of the draft.

3:58 - The Giants draft Aaron Ross, the Thrope Award winner from Texas. He's a great cornerback, but I'm having a hard time enjoying this pick knowing we could've had Leon Hall two picks before. I also think T Joe Staley and DT Alan Branch are better picks. Those type of guys won't be available in another round, Aaron Ross-type guys are. I think in another month I'll be a lot happier about this pick. Whatever. That was agonizing. I feel like I just finished having sex.

3:59 - Cigarette break.

4:04 - Jaguars select Reggie Nelson, safety from Florida. Pretty solid pick there. Their secondary is disgusting (in a good way) with this pick. I'd be afraid to play the Jaguars. Also, this is great because this was the first team in awhile that legimately could have taken Brady Quinn.

4:10 - Oh good, just switched over to the Yankees game and Jeff Kaarstens is already out of the game. What's the cause this time? Shitty pitching? Nope, getting drilled by a line drive in the knee. Fabulous. Awesome.

4:17 - And Brady Quinn is off the board! The Browns traded with the Cowboys to take him at 22 overall. Congratulations Brady, you son of a bitch. This is hilarious. Watching him have to walk from the stupid fucking private room he ran to to cry in after Miami didn't pick him up to the podium from some back hallway was truly phenomenonal. He is SO crushed.

Wow, what do you know, no highlights from the Michigan game on Brady's film-tape. Hmmm, that's odd.

Alright, that's it for me. The Quinn fiasco is sadly over, and the Giants and Jets have drafted. I'm out. One.

2007-03-11T18:43:00.000-04:00

Thoughts on the Tournament Selection

1. How the hell did the committee end up putting UNC, Georgetown, AND Texas together? I think this is easily the most stacked bracket. I don't think there's another bracket where I could reasonably foresee 3 teams winning the entire tournament.

2. The Pac-10, ACC, and Big Ten got ENTIRELY too much respect. How the fucking hell did Stanford, with 18 fucking wins in an average at best conference make it? That's absurd. THEY LOST BY MORE THAN 30 POINTS TO AIR FORCE AT HOME!!!!! Duke also in no way deserves a 6 seed, especially when everyone not named North Carolina looked like absolute garbage in that ACC tournament. Finally, the Big Ten gets six, which is just ridiculous. I don't think you could've watched the Big Ten this year and thought that any team outside of Wisconsin or Ohio State was really all that deserving to begin with, but FOUR?!

3. The Big Twelve and Big East got shafted. Syracuse not making the tournament is an absolute joke. Maybe everyone on the committee just forgot that Syracuse existed and didn't bring them up in discussions. Syracuse, with 20 wins, including giving Georgetown their only loss over the past 17 games, absolutely deserves to go over an 18-win Stanford squad. I also don't see how a team like Oklahoma State, who has wins over 3, and 4 seeds isn't more deserving. I think the problem is the committee focuses too much on in-conference record, which penalizes teams in good conferences and rewards teams in worse conferences.

4. Seth Davis is a complete moron. I will never forget to mention this. Seth Davis claimed that it was "bad for college basketball" for only 6 mid-majors to get at-large bids. Hey Seth, maybe if these awesome mid-major schools like Butler, Xavier, and Nevada WON THEIR FUCKING CONFERENCE TOURNAMENT these at-large bids would've opened for others. Meanwhile Old Dominion is in the tournament and Syracuse isn't. Go fuck yourself.

2007-03-09T12:02:00.000-05:00

Michigan - Ohio State: Running Diary

12:03 - Steve Lavin opens things up by questioning whether these new (horribly ugly) Nike uniforms will affect Ohio State's shooting range

12:04 - Michigan obviously gets off to a roaring start with a turnover with 3 seconds left on the shot clock on their first possession

12:05 - Alright, I'll admit it (I'm looking at you here, Kuiken): Jerret Smith is a much better player than he was last year. I still contend Tommy Amaker hasn't developed a player once during his tenure.

12:07 - With 17 minutes left in the 1st half, Michigan gets its first of what I'm sure will be many shot clock violations.

12:08 - Steven Lavin on Michael Conley, "He can elevate like Batman. Trix are for kids. He's got a bag of tricks." Once again, still can't see why UCLA ever got rid of this guy.

12:12 - Michigan is down five already with 15 minutes left in the half. Ohio State's getting open looks from 3, Michigan still can't seem to figure out how to get an open look anywhere. Courtney Sims still hasn't figured out what it means to take it strong to the basket even when he's directly below the hoop. Sigh.

12:17 - Lester Abram just made a great pass to Petway for a SICK dunk. Just in case you've forgotten, Brent Petway has the Wolverine helmet cut into his hair. It's really a shame that he's a complete idiot, because his retarded personality, flair for the big play, and athleticism would be perfect for the NBA. He also has 6 rebounds already that came entirely from hustle/his ability to jump 49 inches into the air.

12:23 - Michigan down 5 still, 10:51 left in the game, and we have our first appearance from Reed Baker aka The Prophet, aka the natural.

12:24 - THE PROPHET! Right on cue drains a 3 on his first possession to bring Michigan within 2!

12:25 - The entire Holy Trinity is in the game. The Messiah - Ekpe Udoh, The Prophet - Reed Baker, and The Apostle - Deshawn Sims. This is a good sign. Also Steve Lavin just claimed the United Center has some of the best hot dogs in the Midwest. Somehow I doubt that.

12:28 - Michigan has 7 turnovers just 11 minutes into this game. The last one occurring on an in-bounds pass from under OSU's basket that went all the way to the other 3 point line, and was picked up while Deshawn Sims was standing out of bounds. Nice work, guys.

12:29 - Deshawn Sims gets a nice putback and one, drawing the foul from Oden. I agree with Anthony that Sims should be getting significantly more playing time. He might not be polished, but he at least knows what to do under the basket for chrissakes. I can't say as much for Courtney Sims or Brent Petway.

12:32 - ESPN just notified me that Michigan's win over Davidson is a key win. God dammit. Also, Michigan is down 5 with 7:40 left and neither Courtney Sims or Dion Harris has scored a point.

12:35 - Lester just drilled a 3 to put Michigan within 4. He's been playing really well today which is a good sign, but 7 turnovers and letting Ohio State shoot 53% from the field is not good.

12:39 - Dion just hit a three, he's finally made a fucking shot and Michigan's within 1 with 3 minutes left to play in the half. Michigan needs to not collapse at the end of the half like Tommy seems to enjoy doing just to toy with me.

12:41 - Michigan is playing well. Of course, they lost all momentum going into the half when Deshawn Sims missed the front end of a one and one with 17 seconds left, followed by Conley drilling a runner with 1 second left. Michigan is down 5 going into the half, which is kind of disappointing considering they're outrebounding OSU by 14 and still losing.

Some quick thoughts on OSU: Greg Oden isn't dominant. At all. He goes missing for most of the game, and frankly, Ohio State would be hurt much more in a game like this if they lost a guy like Lewis or Conley than if they lost Oden. I think Oden's a solid player, but he's not amazing just yet. You also have to hold him accountable for the fact that Michigan is outrebounding OSU by 14. Not that impressive. That being said, he's still a ridiculous prospect, and could become dominant soon. Just not yet.

Some quick thoughts on the rest of college basketball: The ACC sucks. I'm sick of the ESPN spin control on that fucking conference. They suck this year. Just admit it. UNC is good, and that's it. If ESPN weren't so in bed with the ACC they'd be talking about how Duke should probably be a bubble team right now. Losing to NC State?! They're god damn 8-9 against the RPI Top 50. That's not impressive. At all. Maryland loses to fucking Miami?! Give me a break. This is a one team conference, and about 4-5 teams that MAYBE belong in the top 25. I'd take the Big East, Big Twelve, and the Big Ten over the ACC this year, hands down. Keep in mind, this isn't some kind of anger based on a firm belief Michigan should make the tournament. Frankly, we suck. I'm just merely pointing out the ACC sucks and I'd be surprised if any team other than UNC was around after the first weekend.

1:02 - God, I hope Talib Kweli got paid a lot of money for his rapping for the Big Ten commercials, because that is easily the worst rapping from him I've ever heard.

1:05 - Jerret Smith gets a nice hustle rebound and hits Courtney under the basket for a dunk. This of course followed by Courtney getting great position but being a HUGE PUSSY and getting blocked by Oden twice. Followed by Conley getting a bucket, putting OSU up 7, and Lavin has decided to stick with his "Trix are for kids" line for Conley. I think this game is over.

1:07 - Oh good, Courtney just missed a free throw. You fucking asshole. As Erin Andrews informs us that the Michigan coaching staff wants Courtney to get more involved in this second half. Yeah, thanks guys. That plan seems to be working magically so far.

1:09 - Dion airs a 3. Now we're down 10 with 16 minutes left. The dream is dead.

1:15 - Zzzzzzz. Oh shit, OSU just hit a 3. Way to defend the perimeter guys. WHY THE HELL ARE WE PLAYING A 2-3 ZONE AGAINST THESE GUYS, TOMMY?! OSU - 45, Michigan - 33, 14:30 left.

1:16 - Lester hits a 3 to bring us back within 9 as Steve Lavin tells us that Dion is shooting 1-10 from the field. Amazing. I really will just be befuddled if Tommy Amaker is still coaching Michigan after this year. It's going to happen, but I still don't get how you can justify it in any way at this point.

1:19 - Another 3 this time for Jerret Smith, who's playing awesome. Lester, Jerret, and Petway are the only players on Michigan who shouldn't be ritualistically beaten after this game. Down 6.

1:21 - COURTNEY. YOU FUCKING PUSSY! SLAM THE BALL DOWN YOU 6'11" GIANT DILDO! Now he's complaining that his throat hurts. What a douchebag. Grow a sack. Nice 4 points.

1:23 - Just checked in on the UNC game to see that Florida State has completely fallen apart. There's a shocker. Fuck off, ACC.

1:25 - Michigan completely loses control and allows a second-chance follow-up basket followed by a fast break lay-in. Tommy calls timeout down 9 with 11 minutes left. He's an Uncle Tom. The sight of him at this point blatently repulses me.

1:28 - I will kill Steve Lavin if I have to hear another sentence like, "Long arms like branches. Branches on a tree." Yeah, that's usually where you find branches Steve, thanks.

1:32 - Technical foul on Thad Matta lets Dion get Michigan within 4 with 9 minutes and with possession. Maybe I gave up on Michigan too early. Probably not.

1:33 - Right on cue Lester misses the front end of a one and one. How many of these are we going to miss against Ohio State in key situations in a week? 32? 912?

1:34 - The refs are giving EVERY call to Oden now. I don't understand how you call a blocking foul on a defender for standing up straight and getting backed down, because that just happened on 3 straight possessions.

1:35 - LESTER HITS A THREE. MICHIGAN DOWN 3 WITH 7:47 LEFT! COME ON!

1:41 - Alright, so Oden is playing much better in this 2nd half. That being said, he's been the beneficiary of some chippy foul calls in this half, and I still think he's got to be blamed for the ridiculous rebounding margin favoring Michigan. I'm still not super impressed.

1:43 - Conley, who I still think is more important than Oden drains a 3, putting Ohio state up 11 with just over 5 minutes to play. There is NO WAY Michigan is coming back from this.

1:45 - Dion turns it over by getting a 5 second call. *** Sobbing into keyboard ***

1:53 - Petway facials Oden. Oden blatantly hits Petway in the face on the dunk. No call. Fuck you, Oden. Down 8 with 2:22 to go. Whatever.

1:55 - Stat of the night: Tommy Amaker - 10 seasons as head coach, 1 NCAA tournament appearance. ZERO WITH MICHIGAN. If Bill Martin doesn't fire Tommy he's just acknowledging that he only cares about the football program. Which I'm fine with. Just as long as he can admit that for me, though.

1:57 - NIT Fever: Catch it.

2007-02-22T20:59:00.000-05:00

OC Series Finale Running Blog

9:00 - Nothing turns me on quite like hearing Kaitlin Cooper say something like, "Beat until smooth." Sure she was referring to an egg batter, but I'd like to think she's referring to my member.

9:02 - First shot I've seen of Kirsten's fake pregant belly. HORRIFYING. I'm pretty sure they knew the show wasn't going to be picked back up for another season, because I think she's just holding a pillow under there.

9:03 - Sing it with me now, "Californiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"

9:04 - Has anyone seen that V-cast commercial with the jacked brosef who's working out to Fall Out Boy? What the hell? Then the joke is at the end he has to pick up the phone because his girlfriend is calling. HOW IS HAVING A GIRLFRIEND LESS OF A SHOT TO THIS DUDE'S (wearing a sweatband on his bicep, and a beater no less) MASCULINITY THEN FALL OUT BOY?! Fuck you, Bootsy.

9:05 - Wouldn't that anti-drug commercial where the chick leaves the human guy for the alien because the human guy is smoking pot be great if, at the end, the alien anal probes her, and the lesson is don't knock it until you've tried it?

9:10 - I think the OC is making this Taylor-Ryan thing into "The Break-Up 2." The whole we're still in love but both are reluctant to admit it angle is a little played out. That said, I love Taylor Townsend.

9:11 - Wait, did I miss something? What happened to Kevin Sorbo aka TV's Hercules? Wasn't he supposed to be spending the duration of the season inside Julie Cooper? I have to stop drinking on Thursdays. Oh wait, this is the last episode. Nevermind.

9:13 - I don't think Barkley can act upset if people think he's old (a la the Dwyane Wade cell phone commercial) after he was unable to compose himself to utter a single word following his 3.5 court lengths race against 70-year-old Dick Bavetta on Saturday. Greatest open mouth male kiss ever though.

9:16 - My Dad just walked in and sat down. Took out his laptop. I can feel him passing judgment and/or wondering if it's possible to have a 213th term abortion. Too far?

9:18 - HAHAHA! Great self-depricating joke. Summer, in reference to the show "The Valley" says, "You know these teen dramas really run forever." Touche, Bilsson. Touche.

9:22 - This just in. Kaitlin Cooper is hot.

9:23 - WOWWWWWWWWWWW. That's a big bomb from Julie Cooper. She's knocked up with Hercules' baby, he ditched her because he's Hercules and clearly has other Goddesses to knock up, and now Bullit is marrying her. I hate Bullit. Really, the over-the-top Texas thing was funny for all of 10 minutes. Stop it. More Sorbo. Let's go.

9:24 - HAHAHA! Wow the greatest uninentional comedy moment in OC history. Kirsten's water breaks and then the gay guy whose house they are at says (in an effeminate tone obviously, because gays can't talk normal on TV), "OK this sounds so random, but I'm a midwife." I just peed a little.

9:26 - Seth Cohen is starring in a movie that looks like OC, the movie. Including a Luke-esque character doing a "Welcome to the OC, bitch" routine. If it didn't have that emo-font in the movie title, I'd be all over this.

9:28 - Really?! Water breaks> Immediate commercial break> Immediately return to Kirsten in bed with newborn baby? Did OC just throw EVERY idea into this episode and said, "Alright, we've got 40 minutes, let's get this done."

9:29 - SORBO! My prayer is answered. Is it too much to ask for him to take Lucy Lawless to the wedding? Please?

9:33 - Julie Cooper's tits in that wedding dress are AMAZING. Where was that all four seasons? Oh that's right, in Luke's face. Workin' on the night movesssssssss.

9:34 - The obligatory Marissa Cooper reference followed by tears from both Julie Cooper and Summer! Also, Bullit just refered to giving birth as "dropping child." Lovely.

9:35 - HAHA! The other gay is a wedding planner! YESSSSSSS! Oh, stereotypes. They're funny because they're true.

9:37 - SORBO! About to pull the move from the Graduate! IN SLOW MOTION!

9:38 - Wow! It's the wrong church, and wouldn't you know it, Kaitlin Cooper is bitchy enough to leave her cell phone on during the wedding, thereby allowing Sorbo to call Julie and let her know he still loves her! This is truly a great, albeit ABSURD, episode of the OC.

9:40 - I'm going to say it, Sandy Cohen looks pretty good in jeans and an uncuffedbutton-down shirt for a guy his age. I would kill to be as cool as Peter Gallagher at that age, or right now for that matter. I think Sandy Cohen is why I'm in Law School. It's certainly not the agonizing hours or mounds of debt.

9:42 - No, non-threatening black guy from Toyota commercial. Toyota will make me "feel like a genius" when it does my 40 page brief, and gets me an A.

9:44 - Ha! Julie Cooper chooses neither Sorbo or Bullit! She's acting like it's because she wants to "find herself." When, in actuality, she wants to be able to fuck 20 year olds. Hey, whatever floats your boat. You know where to find me.

9:49 - Wow Ryan's going to rail Taylor for a couple of hours in an Amtrak train. Lucky guy. Hell, knowing Amtrak, he'll probably get a whole day's worth of sex before he reaches the first stop! Ba dum chee. I'll be here all night.

9:52 - Come on retrospective. Come on!

9:53 - YESSSSSSSSS! I really should've written for this show. Or at least somehow found a way to place bets on things that would happen on this show in Vegas.

9:54 - Watching this, not to say Ryan's not a good actor now, but wow was he shitty in the beginning of this show.

9:55 - Wait? What the fuck!? Julie graduated from a college at some point? And Sorbo's there!? Can you imagine having Julie Cooper being in your hallway? That'd be awesome. The biggest slut in your dorm is a 40 year old who's looking to plow? That's awesome.

9:56 - Oh good, Seth and Summer got married. Real Shocker. Ryan is now a corporate construction worker who's helping troubled kids a la Sandy Cohen!

9:56 - The end of an era. I'm not sure how I'll ever cope with this. Wait, yes I do. Maui Fever, 24, and The Hills.

2007-02-01T07:42:00.000-05:00

NBA, college, and Lithgow roundup.

I always forget to mention this, but has anyone seen those commercials that have been running for over a year now about Cambell's Select soup, where John Lithgow pops out of a drawer and offers some family some Southwestern Corn Soup that just looks awful. Is John Lithgow that broke. I've always hated the guy: from Cliffhanger to Third Rock from the Sun, I thought he was goddamn terrible. But, still, you're doing soup commercials they show during the daytime? And what's Cambell's thinking? No one likes Lithgow. This makes about as much sense as Lyle Lovett and Julia Roberts.

NBA roundup: I can promise you for a full midseason report in about two days, but a few thoughts from the Jazz-Spurs game . . . If anyone thinks that the Suns are heads and shoulders above the Spurs they are crazy. Yes, the Spurs lost, but they are only playing Duncan 35 minutes a game; Parker only 30, and Ginobili only about 27. The Suns and Mavs have more depth so they can keep up their effort over the course of an 82 game season. The Spurs, though are not going to stray from their rotation during the season. But when Duncan, Parker, Ginobili all get the 42 minutes a game that they are going to get in the playoffs, they will be tough to handle. And the reason they are worse this year, is Bowen has really dropped off. He can't shoot and his defense is really starting to drop. The Spurs need to figure out if he can be an asset in the playoffs, because Duncan and Ginobili are elite defenders at their position, but they really do need a third. I wouldn't be surprised if Finley gobbles up a lot of those minutes in the postseason. But not being able to defend a 3 or 4 could really hurt them.

Texas' Kevin Durant put up a 37 point 23 board performance at Texas Tech last night. 37 and damn 23. So, this got me thinking two things 1) Could any have the other ten best college players in the last 15 - 20 years have put up this statline (my answer is no) and who are the ten best college players over the last 15 years. So, my list off the cuff (no order):

1) Glenn Robinson
2) Joe Smith
3) Christian Laettner
4) Dwyane Wade
5) Jerry Stackhouse
6) Chris Webber
7) Adam Morrison
8) Tim Duncan
9) Ray Allen
10) Carmelo/Iverson?

Any thoughts on this? Should Camby make it? I think Camby should be there actually, so take off Ray Allen or Adam Morrison. But whatever. I don't think anyone in this group could have gone for 37 and 23. Camby or Duncan maybe. This is not to say Durant is the best we've seen. The most assists he's had in any game this year is 4; and everything I've read says he really doesn't even think about playing defense. But that's still an unbelievable line - he's averaging over 30 a game?? Game's still 40 minutes, right? Unbelievable.

And, my all star picks:
PG: Gilbert Arenas
SG: Dwyane Wade
SF: Lebron James
PF: Chris Bosh
C: Dwight Howard

PG: Steve Nash
SG: Kobe Bryant
SF: Kevin Garnett
PF: Dirk Nowitzki
C: Tim Duncan

Honestly, how much money would you pay to see these two teams play each other - 2 20 minute haves. All players play all 20 minutes. You get to see Gilbert go against Nash; Wade and Bryant continue their rivalry. Lebron and KG, Bosh and Dirk are PERFECT matchups for each other; and Howard gets to run in transition for his points against Duncan. The concern is that the west side is just a lot nastier. It doesn't get more competitive than Kobe and KG . .and Dirk and Duncan are just a little behind. On the east side, only Gilbert and Dwyane have that total beast anger in them; so I think the west takes the game.

Gotta go to work. More to come.

2007-01-31T18:36:00.000-05:00

Brittany from "Two-A-Days": Great Reality Show Hot Chick or Greatest Reality Show Hot Chick?

I know people often overestimate recent phenomenons when trying to determine "the greatest of all-time" debates. For example, when ESPN ran that whole bullshit thing about the USC dynasty going up against National Champions of the last 15 years. Idiots like Mark May were claiming that USC would beat 1997 Michigan 49-10. Yeah, that will happen Mark. I'm sure USC would be able to put 49 points on a team with the greatest college defensive player of all-time (Charles Woodson) and one of the greatest college defenses of all time. Michigan allowed 117 points TOTAL in 1997, including 16 against a Washington State team that was led by a then great Ryan Leak. Also, remember when Isaiah Thomas said that Kobe Bryant might be better than Michael Jordan after he hit that huge shot to put the Lakers into an overtime win in Game 2 of the 2004 NBA Finals against the Pistons? You know, the one the Lakers lost in 5 games. The one where Kobe averaged 22 ppg. Yeah, I have a feeling that wouldn't happen to Jordan. Not to say Kobe isn't a great player, he is. But it was clear that one measly performance can undeservingly tilt a "greatest of all-time" debate. Then again, it was Isaiah Thomas, who somehow ended up with 4 shitty, shoot-first point guards on his team this year, who made that claim. Wow that got off topic.
Anyway, the point of this is: Brittany from "Two-A-Days" might be the hottest reality show chick ever. Sure, she's 17. Sure, it's a crime in probably every state not named Alabama (ironically) for me to sleep with her. Sure, it was just one episode. However, I've checked out her myspace page (don't judge me), and I don't think I'm jumping the gun here. I mean, she absolutely BLOWS Kristin from last season out of the water. Barring Mallory from Real World: Paris (who should be eliminated from any discussion because she's an SI model now, so it's really unfair), I really don't think it's even close. Plus SHE'S SEVEN-FREAKING-TEEN! I've already hatched plans for a road trip down to Hoover. These girls are smoking hot. Plus, once this girl realizes that she can bang out any dude she wants, and ditch her loser, soon-to-be playing defensive end at a shitty college like Southern Alabama who's due to make under 30 g's a year for the rest of his life boyfriend, she's going to be on the prowl. I pray for that girl's nether region to remain disease free in college, because she is going to be getting A LOT of sex.

I mean, she is borderline perfect. If I could get her to sign a pre-nup and somehow know that she doesn't pack on 20 pounds in college, I would ask her to marry me now. Under the girl's movie interests it says, "if I have to think really hard... I get lost!" Also under books it says, "don't read much." Does it get any better than that? Does it? I contend that it does not.

Anyway, here's the link. Have fun. http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=140302445

2007-01-28T19:23:00.000-05:00

Random Thoughts During a Sunday Spent Not Doing Work and Instead Watching MTV and Golf/NBA

1. The "MTV: True Life" series really produces some great unintentional comedy. I'm not even sure MTV starts out with a general concept, like "True Life: I have OCD" or "True Life: I'm a Jersey Shore girl", I just think they do a general casting call, find the most awkward, stupid people they can, and pair them off according to shared personality traits. For example, today they had one about being gay, and it featured some guy from Georgia who was meeting his online boyfriend of six months, and didn't understand the concept of top or bottom when his friends brought it up. As if it's probably not horrible enough being gay in Georgia, add not even knowing how to be gay, and you're looking at a dark hellscape of bad times. Then, some other gay couple got into a huge fight about who ended their myspace friendship online. I was borderline tears laughing. There might be nothing more amusing than two combustibly gay males arguing over a myspace friendship. Somewhere, Isiah Washington from Grey's Anatomy is FUMING.

2. In case you somehow haven't seen it, MTV's "Fat Camp" is the funniest fucking two hours of television ever created. It's a pretty simple equation: Fat kids (funny) + going through puberty (really funny) + fighting (really funny when its kids or fat people, and off the charts funny when its both) + relationship issues = Success. I don't know if they offer this on DVD or if its on demand, but you really must watch it. If you're not fat, it'll maybe make you feel better about the massive disaster that your life has become since you graduated college. I know it did for me. At least until I realized that in 5 years I'll be out of college still and probably fat, when, at the very least, those kids will be in college. Damn it.

3. "Engaged and Underaged" seems like a promising show. The first episode included crazy Christians and overprotective parents, which usually results in comedy. The way that Mom and son interacted almost made me feel better about losing my patience and yelling at my Mom as much as I do. At least I'm slightly less of a pussy than that guy. Oh wait, I still live with my parents. Kill me. Oh well, at least I'm not married. The best part was when the Dad was practically bribing his son $20,000 in trust fund money if he waited another 4 years to get married. It's as if the Dad didn't want to just come out say, "Son, bang as many chicks as you can, I married early and my life is horrible because my wife is a crazy bitch who's life is completely devoid of meaning outside of raising you. Don't let the same thing happen to you."

4. I really enjoy Talladega Nights. A lot. I don't get why more people don't rave about this movie. The number of hilarious "I like to picture Jesus..." quotes alone is enough to make me buy this movie. Por ejemplo, "I like to picture Jesus with eagle wings and singing lead vocals for Lynyrd Skynyrd with an angel band, and I'm in the front row, and I'm hammered drunk."

5. So apparently 12-pack from I Love New York may or may not be attending Seton Hall Law School in the Fall. I don't know whether to be horribly embarassed that somehow our lives have resulted in us reaching VERY similar paths/goals or unbelievably overjoyed at watching that moron interact socially with people I know. I'm going with the latter. He immediately turns the race for biggest meathead at Seton Hall Law on its head.

http://www.myspace.com/amermand

6. Another stellar episode from Maui Fever. Corbin deserves his own show. He clearly leads the league in blackouts. I also enjoy the over-the-top bitch factor that Chaunte brings to the table. I like her. She's a bitch, but whatever, I'd party with her.

2007-01-25T15:29:00.000-05:00

Who Wants to Make Sex Mutombo?

I didn't really watch much of the State of the Union address, because frankly, well, who gives a shit? However, I did manage to tune in at exactly the right time as I saw Dikembe Mutombo, standing next to Laura Bush and a 4'8" Asian woman no less, receiving a standing ovation from the crowd. I assume this was related to some kind of AIDS work he has been doing, but did anybody else in the room realize the hilarity of this situation? Like were James Webb or Trent Lott just cracking up watching Mutombo awkwardly receive his congratulations? Don't they know this is the same man who famously asked, "Who wants to make sex Mutombo?" upon entering a party while attending Georgetown? People in politics might be really out of the loop. Also extremely entertaining was the "subway hero", who received a standing ovation as well. Instead of just bowing in honor like Dikembe, this guy instead started shouting "You da man!" at people at pointing vigorously. Seeing politicians engage in stuff like this really makes you wonder how our country hasn't been exploded or taken over yet.

In more important news, has anybody else seen this thing called "Paris Exposed"? Apparently some guy bought the rights to a bunch of Paris Hilton's shit when she failed to make payments on time at a storage station. Boy did that guy make the right decision. The website is selling it's content at $40 and includes such gems as Paris doing a pound of coke of a dude's chest (yeah, I'm not making this up) while talking about anal, a diary entry discussing how she gave a dude herpes, and many, many, many, many, many other jewels. Personally, I think this has taken my love of Paris Hilton to a new level. She might be a spoiled whore, but who the fuck wouldn't want to go out for a night on the town with this girl? First of all, you're obviously going to get reallllllly fucked up, and secondly, you're probably going to have sex with a really hot chick (Paris) and potentially multiple other women as it seems that Paris has bi-tendencies. Granted you're going to have herpes, but if they're from Paris Hilton, isn't that worth the price of medication/humiliation. I think it is. I'm already working on splitting the price of subscription to this site with 7 other guys from law school. In the mean time, check this out: http://wwtdd.com/post.phtml?pk=1826

I assume everybody by now has seen these "The Second Coming" Nike commercials by now. Let me just say that I LOVE this commercial. I also really love the song produced by Just Blaze. Wow. This gets me pumped up for the next Olympics even. However, I don't get the inclusion of Tony Parker. I'm not saying Tony Parker isn't a good player, but everybody else they have on that team has a basketbal skill set best described as "gangster". The Kobes, Lebrons, Pierces, the Stoudamires, Rasheeds, and Jermaine O'Neals, and even Steve Nash has a game I would describe as gangster (I defy you to find anyone teach the point guard position like Steve Nash plays it). Then there's good ol' fundamental Tony Parker. I don't know, maybe it's because he's French, but I'd like the commercial a lot better if they replaced him with T-Mac or Rafer Alston or whoever. I'll be back tomorrow for an update on the comings and goings of reality television. Cheers.

2007-01-21T23:00:00.000-05:00

What a Great Game

Yeah, so I was rooting for the Colts in the AFC Championship game. I know Tom Brady went to Michigan, and I still do love Brady, but frankly, I'm sick of the Patriots, and I don't know how it happened but I began liking Peyton Manning. I think this is similar to the period last year when I adopted J.J. Redick as my favorite non-Michigan basketball player and was openly rooting for Duke in the tournament. I don't get it. Maybe I've lost touch with reality in my old age. But hey, the Colts have Marlin Jackson and the infamous Cato June. How can you not root for those two idiots?

First of all, even though it didn't end up mattering (and I actually agree with the decision), I was surprised to see the Patriots throwing the ball on 3rd and 4 with 2:35 left in the game when the Colts had only one timeout left. I think I agree with that decision because: a) The potential gain (2 minutes of clock) is larger than the potential loss (40 second advantage to Colts) and b) Peyton Manning isn't going to be constrained by having only two minutes of time to go the distance.

Secondly, how awesome was that Solomon Wilcotts-Bill Belicheck interview following the game. Here's a verbatim transcript:
Solomon: What seemed to be the difference?
Belicheck: The colts just did a little more than we did.
Solomon (after an awkward, stumbling pause): How much did fatigue play a factor?
Belicheck: Oh, I don't know, both teams fought pretty hard today.
Solomon: Uh, thanks for taking the time out to talk to us, Bill.

Boomer Esiason (in the studio): Uhhh, what was that?

Favorite moment from the game: Cato June running away from a STILL loose ball excitedly signalling that the Colts had possession when, in fact, the ball was about to be picked up by Logan Mankins for a TD. Absolutely phenomenal effort there by Cato. I now see why there were probably over 100 Colts fans wearing Cato June jerseys on Sunday.

Marlin! Was he playing safety when he made that interception? Lloyd Carr is vindicated!

Really could do without the shots of Eli Manning in the box with Archie. Obvious reasons. I don't need any more reminders of how terrible our Manning is. This is ourrrrrrrrrrr Manning!

Early prediction for Super Bowl: Colts 31 Bears 27. I think this game will be close. I think if the Bears drew the Patriots they'd be blown out of the water, but they can score on the Colts, and I think they could win. But, there's no way in hell I'm taking Rex Grossman over Peyton Manning. I'm not drunk. I think.

Also, I'd just like to point out that Maui Fever is an absolutely PHENOMENAL show. I LOVE this idea. First of all, the game these guys run is fool-proof. Even if you're a dude, you're going to accept an invitation to a party by heady brosefs who surf in Hawaii. Who's going to turn this down? Recipe for reality show success: Chicks in bikinis, Heady bros, Surfing, Crushing ass.

2007-01-15T22:55:00.000-05:00

Best Night of Television. Ever.

I really can't begin to describe how awesome it was watching the 2nd two-hour block of the "24" premiere then following it up with an incredible debut of Season 2 of "The Hills."

First of all, that episode of "24" really may be the best I've ever seen. Absolutely unprecedented intensity from that 2nd hour. I also think that overall, this season has the best combination of ridiculous plot twists (already) and hilarious C-level celebrity actors in minor roles (i.e.: Kumar, Yanoosh from Ghostbusters II, Rube aka the Catcher from Major League II, Rod Tidwell's wife, etc.).

SPOILER ALERT

First, I'm going to have to go ahead and question Bauer's decision-making when he killed Curtis. Now, I know Bauer's whole thing is he always choses loyalty to his country over anything else, but I'm not even sure that based on this logic he should shoot Curtis in that situation. I mean, I know Assad is going to provide help in stopping these terrorist attacks, but isn't Curtis, in the long run at least, going to provide as much, if not more assistance to the country? Although, I guess Assad's promise to forge some kind of peace between the West and the terrorist groups which he holds sway over maybe overcomes that. I don't know. Choosing to shoot your good friend over a known terrorist in that questionable situation just shocked the shit out of me. Possibly one of the most poignant moments in "24" history.

However, this brings up a point. Can "24" not list these major characters as "guest stars" if they are in fact going to die? My friend Scott pointed out that he thought Curtis was going to die simply because of this fact, and guess what? He was right. Just lie to us "24." No one's going to hold it against you that certain actors turned out to be mere guest stars contrary to what they were billed as.

The Hills got out to an absolutely ROARING start. I'm not positive that the episode was as amazing as I thought it was since I was still running on a massive high from the nuclear bomb going off at the end of "24." An event which shook me almost as if it had actually happened. I think I almost called my buddy Bickel out in LA to make sure he was alright after I witnessed that. Back to the Hills though, LC obviously had a horrible summer because J-Wohl loves mentally abusing her, and getting arrested for cocaine possession, bribing a cop, and then in a completely seperate incident, battery (this actually happened - http://www.tmz.com/2006/09/25/laguna-beach-star-arrested-again/). This was something that didn't go unnoticed by her boss who is clearly upset that LC didn't take the internship in Paris. That crazy old bitch was absolutely POURING salt into LC's wound about how things didn't work out with Jason. That was awesome.

Also, this Spencer character is absolutely priceless. I was watching this episode while talking to Mr. Intensity online and we kept wavering from shock and hatred to sheer respect at his moves with Audrina and Heidi. That scene at the club where he was running absurd amounts of game on Audrina while trying to convince Heidi that everything was chill was like watching a train wreck. I'm reserving my "Tip of the Cap" for a later date when I can be assurred that this move was successful, but if that day comes, that may be the biggest "Tip of the Cap" yet. Heidi clearly isn't going to leave this guy because she has no self-esteem and he's milking it for all it's worth, trying to bang out the hotter Audrina. Also, bonus points if he does and Heidi actually is pregnant. God, would that be funny.

Also, I think Whitney is under the radar hot. I would really like to make the sex with her. Did anybody else notice the side-bra she was sporting in that episode. I like.

2007-01-11T21:22:00.000-05:00

College Football Round-up

Just to quickly wrap up the college football season.
1) I had Florida winning that game all the way; and those Michigan fans who repeatedly claimed OSU would kill Florida were idiots. That being said:
--- What the hell was Tressel thinking? The guy is a snobby douche, but he's always been a top notch play caller and has had OSU phenomenally prepared when they have time off. But, for whatever reason, he ditched his effective running game in favor of a spread-passing attack which Florida was killing with the blitz. Troy Smith (who I may have been premature in anointing as the next Drew Brees) was constantly harassed and Ginn was knocked out. I don't know why they didn't stay with the ground game; but I'm sure glad they didn't, because it sure warmed my heart to see OSU get obliterated.
- -- How great would it be to be a Florida fan? Ignore the obvious that you have just won a basketball and football NCAA championship in the same year (the two holy grails for college sports); but in 2007 you will have 2 of the most talented basketball players in the game (Noah and Horford); and the two most exciting football players in the country in Harvey and Tebow. Harvey already looks much more polished than Ginn ever has, and Tebow is one of the most phenomenal athletes I've ever seen. How is it that in every game Tebow ALWAYS got 3 yards on that QB slam play they run - no matter the defensive alignment. He's awesome to behold. Damn you, Gainesville.
---- My main concern with Michigan was not the USC game plan, or the fear of a large talent discrepancy between what we thought we had and what we actually did have. No, my fear was how Michigan got worse throughout the year. Northwestern, Ball State, Ohio State, and USC were all very bad games this year. And the only good team we beat all year was Wisconsin.
--- The biggest problem with the BCS is it WANTS to be a playoff. It's whole goal is to determine who's #1 on the field; yet it stays married to this antiquated bowl system and poll system. You either have to go one of two ways: Go back to the old bowl system when the actual bowl had meaning, and the Coaches or AP awarded the title on their own accord. (Was I the only one that liked watching the Cotton, the Citrus, the Orange, the Rose, the Holiday just because they were cool? Didn't it use to be a big deal to win a Cotton Bowl? OR, go all the way and use the bowls as a means to an end and have an 8 team playoff. This bullshit as it is now doesn't make sense at all to me. I mean it ends with a coaches poll where the coaches can't even vote for #1 and #2. WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN???
---- Michigan's prospects: Well, it sure is nice to have Henne, Hart, Long, and Burgess back but I can't see us being any better than we were this year. For us to succeed we'll have to switch into an offense first-squad-- and hope to score 30 points a game. We really can't hope to win with field position and defense. I think Manningham and Arrington have a shot to be the best WR duo in Michigan history next year if they can stay healthy, and we can give Henne time.
---- What about that Boise State game?! If I was a voter in the AP bowl I would have gone ahead and given Boise my vote. Do I think they are the best team in the country? Hell, no; but I really don't have any idea who is; and it'd be nice to stick it to the BCS voters.

2007-01-11T16:30:00.000-05:00

Shady's Back

To quote the great band, Staind, "It's been awhile."

I suck. I've been busy. Turns out law school isn't quite the awesome, drunken, free-time filled mess that undergrad is. Go figure.

Anyway, I figure I'd hit you guys up with some quick thoughts following a loooooooong break.

First, the OC cancellation. I really can't say that I'm surprised here. Fox was pretty stupid to put one of their top dramas up against Grey's Anatomy. Let's be honest. Most of the people watching the OC weren't stupid college-age male stoners, so putting the show up against (seemingly) every woman's (probably more appropriately "high school girl's") favorite TV show wasn't a smart idea. I'm disappointed. Obviously. I really think this season has been a lot better than Season 3. That whole Johnny nonsense was awful. I hadn't cared less for an OC character since the whole "Oliver" debacle of Season 1. I think Kaitlin Cooper and Taylor Townsend were really coming into their own as hotties. Taylor had even passed Summer for me in terms of who I'd rather play a game of "Hide the Pringles Can" with.

As for other reality shows:

- Twentyfourseven was a terrible show. That being said, I really enjoyed it. The people who starred in it had absolutely no redeeming qualities whatsoever. However, the guy "Cipes" was a true insipiration for mankind. Basically his life consisted of smoking pot, laying extremely flaky game down on chicks (who I'm sure bought it because this was set in LA and he's somewhat well off), and play guitar. If you haven't already, I highly suggest you check out cipesandthepeople.com AND gregcipes.com . Truly can't miss stuff here.

- CT is really entering unprecedented territory for the Duel. It was brought up in a Bill Simmons chat yesterday, but I think CT has officially passed Alton from a few years ago as the greatest Real World/Road Rules challenge player of all-time. I mean Evan, who is probably one of the meatiest dudes on the planet and can probably bench press my Ford Explorer, was visibly shitting his pants at the prospect of facing CT. Then, when they get into the challenge, CT somehow channelled his hidden marsupial genes and climbed the rope in the ascent challenge in about 1.8 seconds. CT and Brad should get some kind of award for excellence in the field of meatheadishness, it's truly inspiring.

- Real World has fallen off massively, nothing really interesting has happened as of late other than Brooke being completely off the reservation. I have never seen a girl bitch as much as she does. That's saying A LOT. That's saying I've never seen ANYONE bitch as much as she does. Somebody call the wahhhhhhmbulance.

As for the Hall of Fame voting, I'm beginning to realize that the process is kind of stupid. So you're telling me the reason why Goose Gossage is getting into the Hall next year (I think he deserves it) is because Tim Raines and David Justice are the closest Hall-worthy candidates being added to the list? This system is fucked up. I also take sides with Bill Simmons on this whole McGwire thing. It's going to be ridiculous if every single Hall vote for the next 10 years is going to include every writer's inclinations on whether or not he/she (ha, she, like they'd ever let women chose who goes to the Baseball Hall of Fame) thinks so and so may or may not have done steroids.

I'm not discussing college football, other than to say that our team is going to be massively overrated going into next year. Our defense needs about 8 players to make HUGE leaps next year if we want to have anything approaching the success we had this year. However, Ryan Mallett looked UNREAL in the Army All-Star game. He also can throw a football 85 yards. I'm not making that up.

Well, that's it for now. Hope everyone had enjoyable holidays.

2006-12-19T11:32:00.000-05:00

Saved by the Bell: The College Years

"Cause we're standing at the edge of tomorrow . . .today, today, today."

Regrettably, the College Years did not last long. It's model seemed to be almost perfect. For years Saved by the Bell built up an incredibly loyal fan base of people who were with the show for 6 - 7 years of them being in junior high and high school. And, the fan base was getting older, and no matter how naive the new generations would be, the kids were just getting too old to be in high school. So, you class up the show a little bit, make it less ridiculous, get a higher production value and put it on in primetime where the loyal fanbase will watch the show, and maybe they could even get new viewers to watch, too.

And, you know what? They did. They cut AC Slater's hair and actually put him in hooded sweatshirts and dressed him like a human being. Zack Morris grew out his hair like a rebellious college lad. Screech was still goofy but became less of a caricature of a nerd and more of a character. They lived near girls in a dorm which was obviously the most unrealistic dorm set up of all time (a communal area that's as big as a mansion family room with full fridge and kitchen that they get to share with 3 decent looking girls), and a large RA played by the indomitable Bob Golic; their opening theme song was an actual (terrible) song, and they played music that wasn't just Peter Engel's synthesizer. There were some legitimately very good and entertaining episodes: When Dr. Laske had Zack do an assignment on what women actually want, was funny and interesting throughout. They had Kelly come back and get involved with Dr. Laske which was a masterstroke.

However, the problem was, with all of the realism and production value, Saved by the Bell stayed afraid to make "that leap" into real college life. In the high school Saved by the Bell, the world that was created was SO incredibly odd that nothing seemed out of place. Let's see, they f-around with the principle, spend all their time at some school affiliated burger-joint, are never in class, everyone in the school is either "the gang" or a nerd (and the occasional jock), and Zack Morris can stop time. Nothing about that place had any semblance of normalcy, so it's fine the students didn't drink, didn't get into trouble,didn't have any form of sex, had essentially zero pressures other than the occasional test or break-up. We could all accept that.

And, the thing is, I don't think they would have had to make it as racy as Animal House or even Fox's old show "Undeclared." But they needed more of an ackowledgement; or avoid the whole thing altogether. In the pilot episode, Bob Golic makes a bunch of hard-ass rules that there will be "no partying and no drinking" in his hall. So, of course, Zack throws a party right away. All of this is fine. Then while Zack is walking around the party, he sees a guy drinking a beer and STEALS IT AWAY FROM HIM and tells him not to drink. Now, honestly, some people in college don't have sex all the time, some people in college don't drink, not everyone wakes up in a pile of vomit; but NO ONE would throw a party and be mad that someone was drinking beer in college. I don't care if Betty Ford threw a goddamn party in college, no one's getting mad at someone for bringing beer to a party in college unless it would be advertised as a no beer party.

Then, in a later party, Zack throws a RAVE for chrissake. A rave. Now, I have never been to a rave. But here's what I know about them:
1) They play raver music (Paul Oakenfeld?)
2) Wear raver clothes (Baggy electric orange parachute pants?)
3) Do raver dances (glowsticks?)
4) Do raver drugs (ecstasy?)
Even in this episode is a kind of funny storyline about Screech getting some kids nitrous oxide from the chemistry lab (he actually accidentally gets them helium). It's not bad; Screech is trying to be cool and gets involved with some kids who are cool and like drugs. Fine, reasonable enough. There's even a nice scene where AC Slater steps up to these kids to protect Screech from taking a beating. However, Slater also goes upto him and tells him how how nitrous is dangerous or some shit from an after-school special. Slater . .YOU'RE AT A RAVE you're friend hosted. He should have said "You probably shouldn't steal from your lab cause you're on scholarship." Hey, College Years, you can't have a rave without raver kids and drugs and Zack can't host it.
I think, feasibly, College Years could have avoided these issues. But you can't have parties and raves and then moralize about them. It's far too akward. (Also, we all know Zack would have drank heavily. He would have essentially been his character from Dead Man on Campus. And, on second thought, didn't Van Wilder essentially steal Zack Morris' character from Dead Man on Campus does anyone care about this? Since they are both delightful movies I guess not.)

That was the fatal flaw of the College Years: this is why college aged kids tuned out. The students started to look and act a little more like real people, but they completely overlooked the aspect of beer in the American college experience. They even could have gotten away with this if they stayed away from the notion of parties all together. They could have danced around that issue and had Zack battling with the professor and the dean, having daytime schemes, injuring his knee, working in the hospital, Slater trying to cut weight for the wrestling team. I think there was actually enough material for a show that totally ignored drinking and drugs. But they walked a stupid line that gave college and high school aged students a glimpse of real life, but then perversed it into Saved by the Bell world.

- Anthony

2006-12-13T15:32:00.000-05:00

NFL: Part 2

Rookie of the Year:
Reggie Bush - In a rookie class that has had more immediate impact stars than any other (Devin Hester, Vince Young, Matt Leinart, Marques Colston), Reggie Bush has been the one constant threat from the start of the year to the finish. I was watching some of the Saints first game at Slugger's in Chicago and caught some of the Saints game, and right away Reggie Bush was catching passes, picking up third downs, and drawing double teams. Though his stats aren't as impressive as Colston's, Colston rarely drew even the team's second best cornerback, and it's not exactly like the Saints offense has been powerless without him. Reggie has been there all year, and though his numbers are not spectacular - no other rookie has made such an impact.

2006-12-13T12:40:00.000-05:00

Iverson:

For those of you who read Bill Simmons' columns on ESPN, we all know him as consistently good, occasionally awful, and every once in a while, utterly brilliant.

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/061213

This article on Allen Iverson is so good, it makes me wonder sometimes why anyone else even tries to write.

Enjoy.

2006-12-13T10:56:00.000-05:00

NFL REPLAY!!!!

As a tribute to the one of the best shows on television, here is part 1 of my NFL rundown:

MVP award: Frankly, I don't watch enough game film to consider the value of offensive lineman, and it's sure tough to figure out defensive value; so we're going to go ahead and limit this to offensive skill players.

1) LaDainian Tomlinson - For a while, everyone was arguing whether or not we should call Tomlinson "LT." Maybe we should start thinking of a new nickname for Lawrence Taylor instead. Watching him play has always been a joy, and the touchdown record is only a part of it. No one in history has had a better size, speed, vision, throwing, blocking combination than LT. He has officially entered the Faulk vs Sanders debate of best RB in my lifetime.

2) Drew Brees - 2008's Sportsman of the Year is in second place. Somewhere along the line, this guy has developed balls the size of watermelons and the ability to hit Devery Henderson in double coverage. So, I'll take the bait. I am somewhat lukewarm on him being in second on this ballot, because anyone who watches the Saints play know that Reggie Bush and Sean Payton are the stars of that team. But Brees directs all the moving parts of that expertly called offense with at least as much aplomb as Peyton Manning has this year.

3) Chad Johnson - He leads the AFC in receiving yards for the 4th straight year, and even the whole NFL. This is without getting any accurate balls thrown to him over the first 8 games of the season. He has made more unbelievable catches to keep drives alive against double coverage this year, including a 4th and 1 diving catch on a 33 yard pass at the end of the Panthers game to keep the Bengals season alive. If Carson had been healthy this year, he might be stalking Jerry Rice's magic 1800 yard number.

4) Vince Young - He really could be number one on this list. No player has meant more to his team this year than VY. Who knows how great he will become, but he has singlehandedly turned around a franchise which had been moribund of late.

5) Frank Gore - Why over LJ? Let's see, KC has had a top 5 rusher for the past 5 years whether it's Priest or LJ or whoever. Frank Gore was playing with a developing QB, a rookie tight end, Antonio Bryant as a top wideout.

2006-12-11T17:07:00.000-05:00

Greasing and Grinding my Gears: Random thoughts since the Michigan OSU game.

Stuff that's Grinding my gears:

The Coaches Poll: Honestly, I don't think the coaches "screwed" Michigan at all. I think they changed their minds after Florida beat another good team. The worst thing about the Coaches Poll, is that there really isn't anyone in the world LESS qualified to rank teams than Division 1-A football coaches. Here is probably a normal day from a college football coach: Wake up, drink coffee, go over film, meet with coaches to draw up days' practices, meet with players, have 3 - 4 hour practice, watch film of practice, meet with coaches to watch more film, attend alumni/booster function, drink, go to sleep. Honestly, these guys have zero time to make any sort of educated decision on who is 1 - 5. To bitch that the coaches intentionally screwed Michigan is missing the point: they have no time to form an opinion. Secondly, COACHES ARE FRIENDS WITH OTHER COACHES AND OTHER PLAYERS!!!!! Honestly, if you're very best friend is Urban Meyer, you're going to vote for Florida; if you recruited and had a great relationship with a player from another team or used to coach him; YOU'RE GOING TO VOTE FOR HIM!! This is not an evil response; it's a natural human response. You have no real time to examine both teams' season, so you'll go with a relationship you have. It's very normal and very flawed.
Michigan fans bitching about the BCS/Urban Meyer: Urban Meyer was trying to do everything he could to have his players play for a national title. In a political system he behaved like a politician, and made himself look arrogant to do it. He was on a campaign because he believes, rightly or wrongly, the SEC is much much better than any other conference. The BCS has always sucked, Michigan's last two games were beating Ball State by 8 at home and losing to OSU. Lloyd handled the BCS questions with class and dignity - the way Lloyd handles most things. We cost OSU a number of shots at the title in the '90s, and they never got a rematch. Also, the absolute worst thing I've ever heard are Michigan fans saying they're ROOTING for OSU!!! What the hell? Seriously? Or, Michigan fans saying. "OSU is going to F-ing kill Florida." Like it or not, Florida is either the best or second best team OSU has faced this year and they're doing it on a neutral field. All of the idiots who are spending so much time saying how Florida is going to get rocked are setting up a perfect argument for the BCS if Florida wins: "Look we got it right." Me, I think Florida has a hell of a shot, and OSU could maybe blow out Florida. Neither result is a vindication for Michigan or the BCS. NEITHER! If we deserved to go; we deserved to go, no matter what happens in this game. Just get over it; buy a Florida t-shirt and root for the gators. If you really care about the national title more than the Michigan-OSU rivalry, only way we have a glimmer of hope at the title is to kill USC in the Rose Bowl. If you're still upset about losing to OSU -- fine; but get over complaining about a flawed system.
Allen Iverson and Kevin Garnett: WHY HAVEN'T THE T-WOLVES TRADED FOR IVERSON YET?!?! They can put Foye, McCants, Mike James, Ricky Davis, and a first and second round pick in a deal, right? DO IT!! Trade anyone to get AI. There have never been two players more suited to play with one another. Both have huge hearts and are ultra competitive. Both make up for the other's weakness. KG can guard three positions solidly, rebound like a fiend, plays efficiently, doesn't take bad shots almost to a fault and sometimes turns invisible late in games on offense. AI can't rebound and can't really defend. But, immediately they have a player who will take the big shots at the end of game, and a guy who can get easy shots for the team's lesser role players. KG is a fine passer, but he can't attract three perimeter players like AI and drop something underneath for a Mark Blount slam like AI can. He gives the squad a legitimate playmaker that will make everyone else better. He can score and run a fast break. Would just be phenomenal move for the Wolves. And we really need them to play together so we can start evaluating their place in history - especially you, KG.
Living in Chicago/hearing about Rex Grossman: Good Lord there are a bunch of idiots talking about Rex in this goddamn city, and I've heard more explanations about his pitfalls than I could ever hope, too. When, in fact, the reason he is struggling is pretty clear: he's Jeff Blake. Rex threw a good deep ball early on, and Bernard Berrian was making plays he can't make consistently. You take away the deep ball, and he has to start making accurate throws 8 yards down the field that he can't make. He's short, and he's not mobile. And, if you're Chicago, you have to give Rex at least a game off, and let Griese complete shorter passes. If not, they're idiots.
Michael Irvin/Terrell Owens: Complaining about TO is as stupid as complaining about the BCS; the media's obsessed with him. You just have to deal with it. The problem is that people like Irvin are still calling TO a phenomenal playmaker or a top 5 receiver. Can we all please realize that he's 33 years old, and isn't the guy he was in his prime (which was the Super Bowl year with the Eagles). He was only mildly interesting when he was great (the Sharpie was funny. . what the hell else has he done?). Yet, ESPN keeps putting these interviews on TV. Everyone would take Chad, Tory, Reggie, Andre Johnson, and Steve Smith over him, right? Aren't there more?
The Office: The best show on television has had two mediocre episodes in a row.

- Anthony

2006-11-23T16:46:00.000-05:00

Real World: Denver
Off to a Promising Start

I watched the Real World season premiere earlier today, and I've got to say that I was pleasantly surprised. Thank God for Mtv Overdrive, by the way. If there wasn't Mtv overdrive, there is no way I would be able to fit these shallow TV shows into my demanding and busy drinking schedule. I don't think Mtv or Fox got the memo that they can't air shows like the OC or the Duel on any night other than Monday or Tuesday because otherwise there's a 90% chance I'll be missing it in order to get slammered. Come on guys, I'm in a desirable advertising demographic. Cater to me.

I really hope this is a good Real World season. Everything has really been downhill since Real World: San Diego. San Diego had it all: a highly amusing and entertaining meathead, a really hot chick, a chick with huge fun bags, an under the radar hottie, an emo basket case, and a funny non-militant black guy. Plus, San Diego gave us the "Drunk tank! All night!" line. Since then, it's been nothing but lame ass, low-intensity morons with no intriguing in-house hookup drama.

Here's why I think this season will be successful:

1) These people GET AFTER IT. It's quite clear after two nights of events that there is going to be a lot of brodying going on with this cast. We've already had one post-party extend into a post-sunrise drunken beat sesh that almost featured a potentially hazardous oven-fire. Post-parties = sex, embarassing moments, shouting, and fighting or more simply, good intensity.

2) All the chicks on the show are pretty hot. I don't think any of these girls quite reach Cameran or Mallory status, but I would definitely let these girls touch my wiener. Jennifer, the Raiderette dancer, is borderline very hot, and she is obviously a huge slut. Colie, the chick from Jersey, is also a huge slut, but she appears to lack self-confidence and will probably latch on to whoever she hooks up with (Awesome! Jersey!) Finally, there's Brooke, who hasn't had as much attention focused on her but has already admitted to being a semi-nympho, so that's something. All in all, I'm pleased.

3) The Colie-Alex-Jennifer love triangle is going to result in problems. I can't believe it's been two nights and this dude Alex has already slept with two different roommates. Wow. I thought that guy was going to be a huge pussy when I saw his earrings and his somewhat effiminate mannerisms, but I guess I was proved wrong. I can't fault a guy who gets after it, and he gets after it (see: post-sunrise beat sesh on night two with Jennifer). There is no way this thing doesn't cause problems. It's quite clear that Colie has a thing for Alex that runs deeper than just wanting to makeout with him. Colie may say she just wants to make out with him, but let's face it, she's from Jersey. Also, she was practically hanging off of him and mentioning how he should sleep in her bed anytime he didn't have his tongue down her throat. It's also abundantly clear that Alex would much rather bang out Jennifer, who's the hotter chick, whenever he can. In the meantime though, Alex, like most men (self included), lacks self-restraint and will probably continue to hook up with Colie because she's also kind of hot, even though it's going to lead her on, because, well, he can.

4) Mtv finally put two black guys together. Now we can finally see what it's like when "the black guy" isn't marginalized into one storyline a season because none of the white guys will talk to him. Instead, we're probably going to see Tyrie and Steve dominate the season since I don't really see over-sexed hetero Alex and ambiguously gay Davis developing any sort of deep friendship. Plus the fact that one of the black guys is JACKED and seems to be all about banging chicks with huge asses while the other black guy is a conservative Christian Republican is hilarious to me. I think this dynamic is going to be the X-factor, and could potentially elevate this show over a season like San Diego.

5) Jennifer will be in Playboy. Mark my words. This will happen.

2006-11-22T17:53:00.000-05:00

The Sassy Black Grandmother

Alright, first off, I just want to say, that I don't think either Anthony or myself are quite prepared to offer any musings on the Ohio State game. Maybe a few years from now, I'll be able to step back, and analyze the game without wanting to swallow my tongue. Actually, no probably not. Let's just move on.

Anyway, I was watching You Got Served earlier today and had an epiphany. Yes, the word "epiphany" just appeared in the same sentence as a slang version of the word "served." Mainly, that the sassy, black grandmother is absolutely my favorite cliche character of all time. There really is nothing better, or more obvious to spot. In fact, Martin Lawrence has apparently made a lot of money over the past few years by capitalizing on the "sassy, black grandmother" market with the "Big Momma's House" franchise. It raises an interesting question: Are there any cranky black grandmothers? I contend that there are not. Anyway, here are my favorite characteristics of a sassy black grandmother:

1) Says "Oooooooooooooooooo child!" or "Ooooooooooooooo boy!" endlessly.

This is the official phrase of a sassy black grandmother. No other movie character is allowed to utter "Oooooooooo child!" Seriously, can you imagine a white grandmother, or even just a normal black person saying that? You can't, because it's never happened.

2) Wise

The sassy black grandmother is always willing to provide grandmotherly advice. That's her role, essentially, to dispense advice to her dumb as a brick grandson who has inevitably gotten himself into trouble. However, this advice is never delivered in a condescending tone. It's always done in a "boys will be boys" type manner.

3) Hip

The sassy black grandmother is also inevitably hip. She is always up on the latest trends in popular culture, even if it does not fit her 1940s sensibilities. This usually involves the grandmother referencing that some current R&B crooner (i.e. Usher) gets her "flustered" or "hot under the collar" or the grandmother doing her best to dance and sing along with some sexuall inappropriate jam (i.e. Shaggy's "It Wasn't Me")

4) Compares her grandson or granddaughter to another elder family member in a reverential tone

The most common example of this is the grandmother somehow explaining away some character flaw in her grandson as representative of his grandfather, thereby making it OK. For example, "That's that pride talking. You got that from your grand-daddy." This was used most effectively in You Got Served when the sassy black grandmother agrees to spot Omarion (or the other guy, whatever) 5 g's so they can enter a dance-off. Obviously Omarion knew where to turn when the chips were down. The sassy black grandmother.

2006-11-17T16:31:00.000-05:00

R.I.P. Bo

I had a good chance to meet Bo Schembechler and I have nothing but the highest of praise for the man. Seemed like the kind of guy you would love to call a grandfather. The guy treated me, a stupid Michigan undergraduate student, like I was his starting Quarterback. Nice guy, nothing but class, exhibited the utmost respect towards perfect strangers who admired what he'd done for the university, and helped make Michigan what it is today.

R.I.P. Bo

2006-11-17T12:46:00.000-05:00

Goodbye, Bo.

Bo Schembechler, Michigan football coaching legend, died today at the age of 77.

Truly a loss for the Michigan community. Let's keep Bo and his family in our thoughts and prayers.

2006-11-16T12:25:00.000-05:00

Kellett's Keys to Victory
Why Michigan Will Beat Ohio State

1. The Running Game

I don't see this being a very high scoring game. I don't think anybody really does. Anthony earlier estimated that there's maybe an 8% chance this thing turns into a shootout. Michigan's running game gives them an advantage in this regard. I refuse to even acknowledge pundits (cough Mark May cough) who think that Antonio Pittman is as good of a running back as Michael Hart. Sorry, not buying it. You're telling me that with a noticeably more dangerous passing attack, Pittman didn't average 4.0 ypc in every game? Sorry. That means you're not an elite running back. I'm not saying Antonio Pittman isn't good, he certainly is. But elite running backs like Michael Hart don't rush 32 times for only 58 yards (1.8 ypc) against Illinois, or 2.7 ypc against Michigan State.

Pittman will be facing one of the best run defenses in the history of college football, so I expect him to be limited to at least below 3 yards per rush, if not worse. Michael Hart, on the other hand hasn't averaged worse than 4 yards per rush in any game this season while averaging over 124 yards per game. Granted, this could end up being his least productive game of the season, but the consistency he's shown me has proven that he will at least be effective in helping Michigan control the ball, gain first downs, and ultimately win the field position battle. Michael Hart must do this. If Antonio Pittman outperforms Michael Hart, Michigan will not win.

2. A Defense That Doesn't Depend on Turnovers

Both teams have very good defenses. Michigan is allowing an astonishing 22 yards per game on the ground, and 231 overall, while Ohio State leads the nation allowing only 7.8 points per game. However, the key difference is that Michigan's defense does not depend on turnovers. Ohio State has 22 interceptions this year, which is an enormous part of their nation-leading 7.8 ppg allowed on defense. However, in a game as important as this, turnovers are not going to be found around every corner. Michigan has Michael Hart, who has not lost a fumble in his career, and I would be shocked to see Michigan put Henne in a situation where he's made to force a pass. Henne is hopefully too smart at this point in his career to throw an interception in a game like this just because he's getting backside pressure. He will take the sack.

Take a look at the yards per play stats:

Michigan defense: 1.3 yards per rush
Ohio State defense: 3.2 yards per rush
(Keep in mind that Michigan has played a tougher schedule which included NCAA leading rusher PJ Hill)

Michigan defense: 5.5 yards per pass attempt
Ohio State defense: 5.5 yards per pass attempt

Michigan sacks: 41
Ohio State sacks: 33

I think from this analysis it's clear that Michigan has a better defense. Turnovers depend a lot on other variables, as do points allowed per game. Ohio State has a great defense, no doubt about it, but considering Michigan's tougher schedule and their clear statistical advantage in some categories, I think they have a defense that will put their offense in good field position often enough to win this game. If Michigan can get to Troy Smith a few times, and effectively shut down Antonio Pittman, Michigan will win this football game, with or without creating turnovers.

My Prediction:
Michigan 20 Ohio State 13

Robertson's Reasons:

1) Pop 'em early. Stay aggressive.
For the Blue to win this game the last thing they can do is play scared. OSU is going to be loading up to stop Hart, and when they do, we have to take our shots down the field regularly. If we can get OSU's safeties off the line, we'll eat up their ground game. I think all Wolverine supporters understand that, ideally, Hart gets thirty rushes in this game. But, the worst thing we can do is suffer a bunch of three and outs, which would mean: Punt to Ginn, Punt to Ginn, Punt to Ginn. Ohio State hasn't faced a downfield passing attack like ours all year, test those corners and safeties early and often.

2) Understanding Troy Smith
All the analysts keep talking about how Michigan has to bottle up Troy Smith and not let him make plays with his feet. This is true. But the problem with Troy Smith this year, hasn't been when he runs with the ball, but rather when he avoids the rush and then chucks the ball downfield. Let's be honest, Ted Ginn is an awful route runner, and has trouble getting open on his inital move. But as soon as Troy Smith avoids the rush and moves out of the pocket. The game turns into a punt return for Ginn and he uses his track-star speed to rush for an open area. So, what's the key: When Michigan blitzes, they HAVE to get to him, and when they don't, bottle up Ginn and Gonzales in a stifling zone.

3) What to do with Leon Hall
It's really amazing that all week I have not heard an analyst ONCE mention Leon Hall. NOT ONCE!!! He might be the best player on the best defense in the country, and is the best cornerback in the land. I see Michigan employing a similar strategy as they did against Notre Dame: Let Hall bottle up Gonzales, and roll the rest of the coverage towards Ginn. Gonzales has become a media darling because he routinely faces the team's second best corner, and no one rolls the coverage towards him. Confuse Ginn (who doesn't read a defense well) with multiple zones on his side (and always give safety help over the top) and take out Gonzales with (let me repeat) THE BEST CORNERBACK IN COLLEGE FOOTBALL.

4) Be smart on 3rd and Long.
I still want to be in attack mode all game, but we really need to understand that 3rd and 13 inside our 35 is running down. Ohio State's defense has made it's hay all year on getting interceptions and fumble/sacks on these third and longs. Don't play into their hand and risk a big turnover on our side of the field. Give the ball to Hart or Jackson, punt the ball, and get the defense on the field.

5) BLOW UP THE GIMMICK PLAYS (ie, Stay at home).
Michigan's defense is so solid at every position (look away Morgant Trent. LOOK AWAY!), that it's tough to envision Ohio State killing us with off tackles, dives, button-hooks, or fly routes. But, they certainly have a ton of read-options, reverse-passes, double-reverses, and flea flickers up their sleeves to turn the big play. And, unlike a team like Indiana, when a team with this kind of offensive speed and firepower runs a gimmick play it's scary. So English has to be preaching to his guys not to overpursue. It's all right to bend a little and give up a first down - that won't kill you; but giving up that 44 yard reverse will.

I think Michigan has the more talented football team. I really do. Who knows how it will play out one solitary Saturday in Columbus, though.

Now: A Few Good Men:

Sam: Did I ever tell you I wrote a paper about that '97 Michigan team?
Kaffee: Yeah
Sam: One of the best teams ever
Kaffee: Yeah they were.
Sam: And if I were Dawson and Downey and I were given a choice between the '97 team and this year's team to represent me in the Horseshoe this year, I'd pick this team every day of the week and twice on Sunday. You should've seen them thunder away at Notre Dame.
Kaffee: Would you beat #1 OSU in the Shoe?
Sam: No
Kaffee: You think the '97 team would've?
Sam: With the talent OSU's got, not in a million years. But here's the thing, and there's really no way of getting around this. Neither the '97 team nor Sam Weinberg is playing in the greatest game of all time, so there's really only one question. What would the 2006 team do?

My answer to that: Michigan 31 - OSU 20

2006-11-13T23:34:00.000-05:00

The Biggest Game in the History of College Football

I've added a video of Michigan kicking Ohio State's ass over the years.

So I made a video to pump myself up for "The Game." Enjoy.

GO BLUE

~Chubbs

2006-11-13T10:15:00.000-05:00

Collision in Columbus

History lives here.

Rivalries live here.

Michigan - OSU lives here.

It's the biggest college football game of all time.

The only way it could be equalled is if the SEC abolished the championship game, and let Auburn - Alabama play in their last regular season game - undefeated. But other than that, it's not happening and may never happen again.

The dominance of these two teams has been unmistakable. The most nervous moment for either team all year was Ball State's game-tying drive at the Big House two weeks ago. That's it. Neither team has trailed in a fourth quarter all year. Neither team has won a game by less than a touchdown all year. Both teams went on the road and demolished quality opponents. Neither of these teams have anything approaching a tainted win - no bullshit Craig Krenzel chucks on 4th and 1; no dropped Braylon passes setting up game-winning field goal; no hail mary kick in the end zone.

Nothing. Dominance to the point of boredom.

Usually the Ohio State game is Blue's one last shot at redemption. One chance to right the wrongs - a three loss season, a loss on the road to Oregon, getting blown out by Notre Dame; slipping up against State. OSU is the salve to slather the wounds of a Kordell Stewart chuck and a Westbrook catch.

Not this time.

Not with a defense that features America's best d-tackle, best linebacker, and best cornerback.

Not with Mike Hart whose bludgeoning consistency sometimes overshadows his brilliant talent and charismatic leadership.

Not with a quarterback who can put a ball in a laundry basket from 50 yards away.

Not with a wide receiver, who relies not on overwhelming speed or freakish size, but on the route-running of Chad Johnson and Marvin Harrison's demeanor, to constantly beat corners.

Not with David Harris, whose label as "solid" has gotten to the point of being an insult to his play, which ranges much closer to the spectacular than solid.

Gone are the blinding talents of Braylon, Perry, Marlin and Watson whose speed and strength made them look like NFL players caught in a college game; but who sometimes lacked Avant, English, and Hart's lunch-pail focus.

Gone is the micro-managing Jim Herrman whose wisdom in '97 turned into too much tinkering that bottled up considerable defensive talent.

Instead, make no mistake about it. This is Mike Hart's team. It's a team that couldn't give two shits about endorsements, looking good on camera, NFL stock, or even a Heisman trophy.

It's a team where Braylon's well-spoken politician's style and movie-star looks have been replaced by Mario Manningham's shyness with reporters

Marlin Jackson's "me against the world" attitude has been replaced by Leon Hall's demeanor which is more nerd than thug.

Gabe Watson's uninspired hustle has been replaced by Alan Branch's puppy-like enthusiasm.

It's a team that plays with a quiet passion and an overwhelming intensity.

And, honestly, I don't know if we'll win. I don't know how good OSU is. I can't tell if they're phenomenally good, or merely very good. I don't know how Henne will do in Columbus. I don't know if they can bottle up Hart, or if we'll make a mistake on our side of the field; or if Ginn will punish our punt coverage.

However, what I do know, is that this time when we visit Columbus we are not searching for holy water to wipe away the regular season's sins.

This time, we are searching for greatness.

Go Blue.

- Anthony

2006-11-10T20:04:00.000-05:00

Signing Pitchers to Long Term Deals: Bad Idea

Check this article out. Offers a pretty good analysis of how long-term contracts for pitchers has panned out over the years.

I generally agree with this principle. Particularly now, as a Yankees fan, having watched Carl Pavano go from coveted free-agent to team cancer in a two year span. It's one thing to not pitch well (see: Jaret Wright) but it's completely inexcusable to act like a complete pussy like Carl Pavano has been over the past two years. He made only 17 starts in his first season, followed by the Yankees babying him with his "sore" shoulder the entire season before he got into a fucking car accident which he didn't tell the team about until well after it happened. What a fucking douchebag. He can burn in hell for all I care.

This brings me to another point: Why do pitchers get babied nowadays? Like how the hell did pitchers go from being able to throw 500 innings in a season to now 200+ if they're lucky? How does this collectively happen? It's ridiculous. Particularly when you consider the fact that pitchers these days are obviously stronger. Can't one team try out just throwing two good pitchers every other game all year just once? This could work, right? Or is this some vast conspiracy concocted by the ever-powerful baseball players' union? I think I might be on to something here.

I think the article misses the point just a little bit though. It's not ALWAYS wrong to sign a pitcher to a long-term deal (see: Schmidt and Mussina), but you better have a STRONG track record to support it. Someone's going to give Jeff Weaver four years this offseason. It's going to happen. That team will also not be very happy with the deal two years later. However, whoever signs Zito for five years may end up very happy with the deal because Zito is a guy who has pitched consistently well for over half a decade now.

Also, I'm very happy with the Sheffield trade as a Yankees fan. Sheffield obviously was not going to be very fun in the clubhouse if we made him play first base for a whole season. Now we can add a major league ready top pitching prospect and two other pitchers instead? I'll take it. Plus, Humberto Sanchez is really fat, and I love fat pitchers. Plus, he's from the Bronx. Awesome.

2006-11-10T19:01:00.000-05:00

Double OC!

So apparently the OC got shitty ratings in its season opener, so the people at Fox decided to have a "two-night event" on Wednesday and Thursday. Did anyone at Fox just consider not putting the show up against Grey's Anatomy and CSI? The two most popular shows on television? Granted, there isn't probably a great overlap between people who like CSI and people who like the OC, but still. Who pays these guys?

I missed both episodes at the time because I was at the Nets game and getting SLAMMERED watching Rutgers put Jersey football back on the map (that's right I said it.) Luckily I taped (yes taped, VHS still works people) the two episodes and watched them earlier today.

I really cannot get over how naughty Kaitlin Cooper is. My only hope is that Willa Holland doesn't have a Britney-like meteoric fall to accompany her pre-legal meteoric rise. At this point, would anyone fuck Britney other than to say "I fucked Britney Spears"? I mean, would you even enjoy it at the time? She is GROSS. GROSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. I can't believe that Kevin Federline may somehow leave this marriage in better standing. Can you imagine how great Justin Timberlake must feel watching this? Especially with this sex tape coming out. I can't even imagine Britney coming out with another album. There's no way anyone is going to pay to watch her fat ass gyrate on stage anymore. Meanwhile, Timberlake's career is completely taking off, he hasn't been divorced (TWICE!), doesn't have any kids, and is clearly CRUSHING unbelievable ass all day, everyday. Wow. Well played. He cashed out of that game at the PERFECT time. You receive a tip of the cap.

Alright, that got a little off topic. Anyway, a pretty interesting set of episodes. The whole Julie Cooper-Summer simultaneous emotional breakdowns has been amusing. The Summer's a hippie thing is starting to get old though. You can only make so many jokes about this kind of stuff. That's what used to be so great about Summer, the being a hippie thing would've lasted two weeks, just another one of her idiotic fads. You thought it was funny, then they moved on to something else before it got old. Why break from the gameplan McG?

Here are two possible storylines that could happen next season or later that won't happen (probably) but I'd like to see:

1. Volchek breaks out of prison. I think this one is actually possible. How excited would you be to see the OC cut to a shot of Volchek preparing to pull an Andy Dufresne and break out of the slammer? I would lose it. What if they somehow spin off the Volchek character into Prison Break 2? This has to happen. I'm not convinced this storyline is closed out. I know Ryan said "It's over" when he left the hotel room, but that look that Volchek shoots Ryan as he's entering the squad car says, "Don't think the writers won't make us cross paths again." Volchek! Also, I've talked to some girls who've watched the show and they think Volchek is hot. Stick that in your pro-Johnny pipe and smoke it, Kuiken.

2. Marissa comes back from the dead. Ok this one is almost certainly not going to occur. The possibility of Marissa having a Tupac-like return (because Tupac's alive, in case you didn't know) excites me only slightly less more than a Volchek prison break. I don't know the circumstances that would allow for this storyline. Maybe some kind of hospital cover up after Marissa leaves mysteriously in the middle of the night? Hopefully this would sync up with Volchek's escape from jail and the two could renew their ill-fated romance a la Romeo and Juilet. Let's make this happen McG.

2006-11-10T09:26:00.000-05:00

Dr. Schiano, Or: How I Stopped Worrying and Learned to Love Big East Football.

Rutgers beat Louisville last night, in what I am not hesitant to call, an epic battle between two Big East powers. In a game that saw Louisville come out and start stomping an overwhelmed Rutgers team, only to be matched and then toppled by Ray Rice and Schiano's blitzing defense, we saw two of the fine, aggressive coaches in the country.

Look no further than Greg Schiano and Petrino's first play call of the game. Rutgers, a team with little proven offensive talent outside of Heisman candidate Ray Rice, drops back 5 steps and chucks it deep against Louisville's top cornerback; and their true Freshman wideout Britt burns the guy, only to have the ball be thrown a yard too long. Nonetheless, Rutgers still mounts a decent first drive.

What does Louisville do on it's first play. Brohm throws a deep post laser to his slot receiver, and Louisville marches right through a stunned Rutgers D and crowd. Petrino backs up that with a brilliant fake punt on 4th and 5; and going for and converting every reasonable fourth down opportunity the whole first half.

And for Rutgers - instead of backing down and stopping the big play, the big plays seemed to fuel their pass rush even more in the second half - somehow both swarming Brohm on every passing play and Louisville's backs on running plays. ( I do think this game would have been different with a healthy Michael Bush though).

Also, the final two plays of the game, can't be overlooked. With 13 seconds left in the game, Schiano decides to run a normal kickoff despite having one returned for a touchdown earlier in the game. And know what. . it works! Proving for the 800th time that the squib kick is the dumbest move in football. I repeat, the dumbest move in all of football. The Louisville guy even had a good return, but because they ran a normal kickoff it took 10 seconds to get the ball to the 40 yard line. Then, Schiano, brought a linebacker blitz off the edge to continue harassing Brohm. (When more fearful coaches would have rushed three and waited for the bomb.)

What I learn, more and more from watching all football, is that "aggressive" coaches shouldn't be called "aggressive," but simply good. Aggressive coaches don't worry about conventional wisdom or second-guessing - they simply have a vision of how the game is going to be played and they stick to it. Truly a joy to watch those teams go at it last night. This on the heels of the brawling West Virginia - Louisville fight one week ago. The Big East now owns the two most exciting and well-played college football games of the year. Cheers to the Big East.

A few more quick thoughts:
* That being said, I don't belive that a Rutgers team should get in ahead of a 1 - loss Florida team, if Florida is there. Schiano has done a great job - but not scheduling one decent non-conference foe, when you play in a pretty weak conference should have a consequence. Granted, I don't know how much better the Big Ten is than the Big East this year - but OSU and Michigan both went on the road in their non-conference. Still- Rutgers would get to go to a BCS game and test their mettle against Auburn or Cal - a job well done either way. And they do deserve the same recognition as a 1 - loss Cal, USC, or Texas squad.

*Very excited for this Rutgers - West Virginia game. If you thought that WVA - Louisville game was fast, this will pit the fastest offense in the country against a very lively defense. I like the Mountaineers in this one, because home field advantage has been huge in these games so far - but I'm definitely tuning in.

*A real danger game this week for Michigan. Two really awful games by the Wolverines at home against bad opponents - and this is the season for Indiana. We really will have to bring at least our B - game to put this away. If not, it'll be another tense Saturday in Ann Arbor.

2006-11-09T00:49:00.000-05:00

Laguna Beach Prom: Gnarly

The always important prom episode was last night on Laguna Beach, and I think the episode solidified the lasting images we will have of each character on the show.

First off, I officially couldn't care less about the whole Rocky and Alex thing anymore. Rocky is not good looking. At all. She might be able to turn the corner in college or somewhere down the line, but for now, I'm not having it. Plus, she is an AWFUL girlfriend. I've never seen anyone need more attention on this show. Quit pouting, demanding emotional attention, and S your boyfriend's D already. Jesus. Not like Alex is worthy of any attention either. That guy is about as exciting as a colonoscopy. Stop showing me this shit. Seriously.

I've officially turned the corner on Lexie. Granted, she is hot as shit, as this week's shots of her in a bikini on her Dad's boat (yeah, tell me that guy isn't a baller) only confirmed. However, she's that girl that after a couple of months at school no guy even makes moves at because she's such an ice queen. She SUCKS. She may be completely asexual for all I know. She has no interest in guys whatsoever. How are you not going to at least suck face with your prom date for chrissakes? You're both single. Ridiculous.

That whole prom episode just confirmed my suspicions all along that Tessa and Derek are the best characters on the show. Derek pulled the Lexie prom move in the hopes that he could finally crack the shell and catch domes from the untouchable hottie (a bold move that deserves our respect). After it's failure, he didn't tuck his tail between his legs, he hosted a rager and slam-danced with the underrated Tessa. Plus, he completely shafted the ugly bitch/only worthy of a drunk as shit makeout session Breanna (She is awful, she thinks she is SO HOT. Did you see her talking to her friends about Derek? They said to her "You always hook up with guys Breanna" and she responds, "Yeahhhh." She is in for a RUDE awakening if she goes to college. Her sister's popularity won't be able to carry her budget face anymore.)

Once again Derek, you receive a tip of the cap.

Tessa on the other hand, has become my favorite chick. Her body is pretty solid. I hadn't noticed as much until this week, but she looked kinda slammin' in that ballet outfit or whatever the fuck she was wearing. She has some under the radar bitties, too. Plus, she's clearly intimidated by dudes, but really wants to get banged out, so dudes like Derek who make low effort moves and just grab her or tell her to come over can score immediately. Awesome. I would not mind partying with that girl.

A few other points: How trashy are these proms? Really guys? You can't do normal formal wear just this once? You have to sport the unbuttoned white dress shirt? Come on. Plus, some of these girls wear absolutely WHORISH dresses. I don't think any girl at my prom would be caught dead wearing the kind of skirt length that Kyndra was sporting. I don't know, maybe I just don't get California. Actually, remove any doubt there. I definitely don't get California.

Also, who the hell is this new Jade chick that Tessa and Rocky know?! She has bombs. Jesus. I bet Derek and Cameron have both tapped that.

2006-11-07T09:42:00.000-05:00

"We Got the Better Belding."

So in titillating and horrifying news, I found out this morning that Saved By the Bell is shown on TBS from 5AM to 7AM, not 6 - 7, like I originally thought, which means anytime my body inexplicably wakes itself up at 5 (see: today), I will no longer make an effort to grab more time to sleep and instead take in more episodes of Saved by the Bell.

A few quick observations: First of all, there is nothing more frightening and thrilling than when a joke from Saved by the Bell actually makes you laugh. For our generation (which by the way is the LAST generation to know what the hell Saved by the Bell is... 21 years old is just about the cutoff), most of the laughs are usually generated by the unintentional comedy of the show - it's corniness and AC Slater's fashion (Quick highlight from an episode, today. AC Slater wears his first normal pair of pants in the series - single-pleated khakis, actually pants that a normal man might wear. HOWEVER, he tops off this with a bright magenta tight tank top firmly tucked in. What a move!). But, I found myself, over the past couple days chuckling at intentional comedy in the show.

Three instances:
Jesse Spano is chewing out the rich nerd (Nerdstrom, who is 5'3") about how he treats his nerd girlfriend Violet (played by Tori Spelling). Nerdstrom then tells Spano, "I know what you need." And gives Jesse a full dip and plants a kiss on her. Jesse comes back to the gang, visibly shaken and Lisa says, "You tell him, girl." Full chuckle from me this morning, mainly due to the actually comedic delivery from Lark Voorhies.

Kelly, Jesse, and Lisa are up for a Teen Fashion Magazine award which wins a free trip to Paris. All three agree not to be mad at who ever is chosen. Kelly Kapowski (of course) is chosen and Lisa Turtle immediately lets out a hearty "With those hips!?!" It actually had a semblance of comedic timing. And yes, it registered 3 laughs on my laugh-o-meter.

After meeting the two Beldings, (when Belding's hot-shot younger brother Rod Belding comes into town) Screech says, "Two Beldings in one building and one is balding!" Wow. Good times.

I will be examining this further to determine A) how much of a loser I am, and B) if Lark Voorhies was the Kevin Garnett of Saved by the Bell - the most talented, versatile player on the court, but just couldn't be the focus of the show. Or, if she was just under-utilized. Lark just brings it every show, outperforms everyone, has to deliver every painfully excruciating rip on Screech, and still catches you by surprise how hot she is. Every show Lark does this - she never missed a season to go film Son in Law, stepped up when Kelly and Jesse left to fill a bigger void, and even came back for the Las Vegas Wedding unchanged when Kelly had put on weight and got a boob job, and Jesse had her hair dyed bleach blonde for Showgirls. We really need to have a Lark Voorhies day to commemorate her. I really think she could have carried a spinoff. I just do. A tear.

The Best Issue of Playboy Ever!!!
Also, as I commented before, yesterday was the episode where Screech and Zack take pictures of the girls swim team and put the pictures in a calendar to drum up interest in the school store that Zack revamped. (Yes, he stole the control of the school store from nerds who were running it.) The girls are initially mad, but are then placated when a photographer from Teen Fashion shows up to put them in a picture spread. This spread lead to one singular and unmistakable thought: Lark Voorhies, Tiffani Theissen, and Elizabeth Berkeley need to be in a Playboy. . . now!!

This is an extremely pressing issue. I mean, after Jesse Spano turned into a total movie skank showing off her snapper in two movies right away (everyone forgets that she gets completely naked in Any Given Sunday aw well), I think we all took it for granted that Kelly and Lisa may follow suit - especially after Kelly went on to play a turbo-evil-skank in Beverly Hills, and a charming slut in Pauly Shore's Son in Law. But, it hasn't happened like that. And it needs to. Not for me so much - just to have the best-selling Playboy of all time.

Why does this have to happen now?

1) Tiffani Amber-Theissen is 32 years old, Lark Voorhies is 32 years old; Elizabeth Berkely is 34 years old. They are all about 5 years from no longer being attractive. How does Playboy not jump on the ball and do the Girls of Bayside magazine photo shoot? I mean, seriously.
2) The people who watched the show are all about 20 - 35 years old right now. If Hef doesn't get this done soon, no one will care. No one will even be able to recognize Kelly Kapowski -- can you imagine living in a world like that.
3) Do you know anybody our age (20 - 30) who wouldn't buy this issue. I mean, it transcends normal smut purchasing. I don't even think I would be embarrassed by this - it would just be a necessary addition to my reading. I mean, the interview! Don't we want to know some of the behind-the-scenes gossip. Did Kelly and Morris ever date off the screen? Did any of them give Screech a taste? Did any of them have a coke addiction? When did AC Slater do ballet? Jealousy? I mean, these are all things that will never be revealed. The whole cast is always so concerned about being typecasted they NEVER talk about what it was like to be on Saved by the Bell. Do any of them still talk to one another?? And the naked on top of that?
4) All their careers are struggling. This could thrust them back into the national spotlight..

All right. Just got a big project at work. Can we start a petition?

- Anthony

2006-11-06T21:51:00.000-05:00

What If Sports: Our New Addiction

Some of you may have seen this mentioned in Bill Simmons' articles previously, but if you haven't (or even if you have and didn't bother to check it out) I highly recomend going to the website whatifsports.com Basically it's a website that allows you to draft a team of players from any team on any year and play them against other teams that are similarly drafted in a 162 game simulation. The system uses a salary cap, and you can manage your players' pitch counts, likelihood for pinch running, etc. Anthony and I have done this already this year with limited success (our team is 54-60, well out of playoff contention at this point), although 1990 Ricky Henderson is 2nd in MVP balloting currently, which is nice.

Anyway, we caved before the first season ran out and just drafted another team. Not like any of you actually care, but here it is. (Sidenote: Our team name is "String Bream." Sadly, our idea of "Rollie Fingers Homer Bush" had too many letters to make it.)

Lineup:
LF - Vince Coleman ('85) - .267 BA, .320 OBP, .335 Slg, 110 SBs
SS - Ozzie Smith ('92) - .295 BA, .367 OBP, .342 Slg, 43 SBs
2B - Roberto Alomar ('99) - .323 BA, 24 HRs, .422 OBP, .533 Slg, 37 SBs
CF - Bernie Williams ('97) - .328 BA, 21 HRs, .408 OBP, .544 Slg
1B - Sid Bream ('86) - .268 BA, 16 HRs, .341 OBP, .450 Slg
3B - Eddie Yost ('56) - .231 BA, .412 OBP, .336 Slg
RF - Otis Nixon ('97) - .266 BA, .337 OBP, .318 Slg, 59 SBs
C - Mike Matheny ('05) - . 242 BA, 13 HRs , .295 OBP, .406 Slg

Key Bench Player: Russell Branyan ('06) - .228 BA, 18 HRs, .327 OBP, .498 Slg

Rotation:
Bob Gibson ('68) - 304.2 IP, 1.12 ERA, .184 Opp BA, .85 WHIP
Pete Schneider ('17) - 351 IP, 2.10 ERA, .255 Opp BA, 1.28 WHIP
Phil Niekro ('83) - 201.2 IP, 3.97 ERA, .276 Opp BA, 1.57 WHIP
Rookie to be named later called up from our computer provided AAA team

Key Bullpen Pitchers:
Setup guys: Rollie Fingers ('81) - 116 IP, 1.04 ERA, .198 Opp BA, .87 WHIP
Tom Knowlson ('15) - 107.1 IP, 3.50 ERA, .273 Opp BA, 1.58 WHIP
Closer: Mariano Rivera ('96) - 107.2 IP, 2.09 ERA, .189 Opp BA, .99 WHIP

Our ballpark that we play in is Petco Park, and it's pretty clear why if you look at our team. Not a whole lot of mashers in the lineup. Instead, we went with speed, on-base percentage, and fielding as prerogative for position players. Our pitching staff is pretty loaded, and most of our pitchers have very low HR/9 IP numbers. We're banking on our super fast outfield of Vince Coleman, Otis Nixon, and Bernie Williams shagging down a ton of flyballs in Petco's enormous outfield.

2006-11-05T19:52:00.000-05:00

Borat

I don't want to ruin the movie in any way for people who haven't seen it so I'll make my review extremely general. First, this movie is as good as billed. I don't think it exceeded my expectations in any way, but that's because the expectations I had for this movie were so high. Absolutely hilarious movie. It is by far the most over the top movie I've ever seen and actually enjoyed. I'd be surprised if Sacha Baron Cohen wasn't physically assaulted numerous times while filming this movie. He never breaks character in some absolutely awkward and threatening situations. Also, there is some full on male nudity, and believe it or not, it provides for the funniest scene in the movie hands down. I nearly cried three times during the movie. I plan on seeing it again in theatres so I can get a better gauge on rewatchability.

I must also say that I think I enjoyed the promotional campaign that Borat went on almost as much as the movie. His stops on Letterman, the Daily Show, and Conan (posted below) were absolutely hilarious. Apparently Cohen is going to be doing another movie soon, this time as the character Bruno, the gay fashionista. I'm in.

2006-11-03T13:47:00.000-05:00

California, Here We Come

It's early November, and we all know what that means. No, not the beginning of the of NBA season. I'm obviously referring to a new season of Fox's hit show, The OC. The first episode of season four was last night in what promises to a be a truly groundbreaking season on the show. There are a lot of changes and new faces this year following the death of Marisa and the graduation from high school that marked the end of season three. Here's a character-by-character breakdown of what happened last night, and what might happen this season.

Ryan: Ryan, or "Poor Kid" as we often call him, is really the moral compass of the show. I've been claiming all along that the writers of the OC are grooming Ryan to become the next Sandy Cohen. Basically they're the same character. Both are old-fashioned tough guys who don't mind breaking the rules to do what they think is right. Ryan, predictably has flown off the reservation following the death of Marisa, and completely cut ties with everyone in Newport, instead electing to follow the career path of his idol, Ken from Street Fighter. That's right, Poor Kid decided to do underground cage fighting instead of going to UC-Berkeley. That makes sense.
My Ryan predictions for this year: 1) He doesn't kill Volcheck like everyone thinks he will, but instead gets him arrested 2) He ends up going to college locally so he can stay with the Cohens 3) He meets some hottie at college, bangs her, then dumps her because she reminds him too much of Marisa, and 4) Gets into trouble at college for being at a party involving drugs or gets wasted, ends up in jail, and Sandy has to bail him out.

Seth/Summer: Seth, aka "Rich Kid", isn't quite as intriguing of a character as Ryan. Apparently Seth, the smart kid from the elite private school in the rich town of Newport, didn't get into any college and has now decided to start work at a comic book store in town. That makes sense. Summer, meanwhile, is out at Brown now and apparently has joined up with the hippie protestors. I enjoy this touch from the OC. The entire time it remains very clear that Summer is still a bimbo and is really only doing what other people tell her to do.
I'm not sure what to expect out of Seth/Summer this year but here goes: 1) Seth remains dejected for much of the season due to his separation from Summer, including turning down potential leads on ass 2) Summer eventually hooks up with crazy didgeridoo/stoner guy from Brown and tells Seth (do you ever notice how on these shows, when somebody cheats on their boyfriend or girlfriend, even if it's only a friggin' makeout, they spill their guts within like three days? Does this ever happen? I think not.) 3) Seth goes on a sex binge following the revelation that Summer has "moved on" 4) Summer quickly ends any kind of romantic liason with didgeridoo guy, and drops out of college. 5) Rachel Billson finally realizes how hot she is and dumps Adam Brody (whoops, that's not a prediction about the OC)

Kaitlin Cooper - Honestly, I've never been more excited for the OC. Kaitlin Cooper is a character who, as Jay Bilas would say, has great upside potential. First, she's smoking hot. Now I know that's kind of creepy given the fact that Willa Holland, the actress that plays Kaitlin Cooper is only 15. However, I think it's acceptable since both myself and every guy I know who saw her in her first episode immediately commented on how hot she was before knowing her true age. I'm saying that makes it OK. I'm not sure if that defense would hold up in court, but, whatever.
I enjoy how Kaitlin, true to her form as uber-conniving, heartless, hottie bitch, evidences no signs of emotional wear and tear following the recent death of her sister. Instead, Kaitlin has already exploited her Mom's psychological instability by blackmailing Dr. Roberts into getting her an expensive pair of shoes. God, you are so hot and bitchy Kaitlin.
My predictions for Kaitlin this year (I'm putting all chips on black here): 1) Hooks up with Volcheck 2) Hooks up with a teacher and/or a parent 3) Tries to hook up with Ryan, fails 4) Gets arrested for drugs, threatened to get kicked out of school 5) Goes on a date with me.

Alright, so there you have it folks. My big predictions for this year. I left out some other important characters, but I think this pretty much sums up the important points. I don't see much drama coming from the Sandy and Kirsten department this year after last year's marital problems and Kirsten's drinking. If they bring up Kirsten's drinking as a problem again this year, it's overkill. Really. Stop it. I'm not sure what happens with Taylor Townsend this year, although she could be involved with Seth, particularly following any revelation that Summer smoked that cheeba monkey at Brown's pole.

Finally, I'm not sure if anybody caught it, but Steve-O is going to guest star in next week's episode. Words can't really describe how fucking excited I am for this. Steve-O? On the OC? What? How many painkillers were the executives at Fox taking when they OK'd this decision? I can't even imagine what Steve-O did to that set on the day or two he was there. It probably looked something like this, actually ***caution: contains quick glimpse of Steve O's dong, not suitable for work environment***:

2006-11-02T20:24:00.000-05:00

What Happens in Cabo, Stays in Cabo

What can I say about truly a landmark episode of Laguna Beach last night? Between the Kyndra-Tyler situation, the anticipation of the Lexie-Kelan hookup, and Derek's escapades, we witnessed one of the most action-packed episodes in LB history.

First, I want to point something out. I think Derek is slowly and silently making a push to become the man in Laguna Beach. The show inevitably focuses on Cameron's sexual escapades because of the love triangle between him, Kyndra, and Tyler, but I think Derek is leading the league in crushing ass. First, he hooks up with the underrated Tessa. Then, this week, he hooks up with Breanna. I'll grant you that Breanna's face looks like a catcher's mitt, but this is all part of a larger trend. Derek is stockpiling ass. The preview for next week shows him taking Lexie to the prom. What?! Is he really about to pull the rug out from under Kelan and bang out hot, hot Lexie? Kudos to you, Derek. You receive a tip of the cap.

This whole Kelan-Lexie situation just does not make any sense to me. It's pretty clear that all Kelan needed to do that whole trip was make a move and he would've bagged that hot piece of high school ass. How does this not happen? How do you spend a week on vacation in Cabo San Lucas, drinking, and staring at Lexie in a bikini and never make a move? How is that possible? Even the biggest pussy in the world has to make a move in that situation, right? This is Maurice Clarett-esque in terms of wasted oppurtunities.

Finally, Tyler is worthless. Does he have a job? Does he go to college? Who the fuck crashes a group of high schoolers' Spring Break to spy on/hook up with his ex-girlfriend, all while his parents are with him? That being said, Kyndra is pretty stupid to have fallen for the drunken "love" card that Tyler played. I will give Tyler credit for pulling out the "break glass in case of emergency" love play in order to make sure that Kyndra would be fucking him and not Cameron on the first night of Spring Break. If it already weren't established how huge of a douche you were, that might receive a tip of the cap.

Anthony's analysis: Since college I have not put MTV on once. I don't know what any of this means. I was drinking at a bar tonight watching the wildly entertaining West Virginia - Louisville game. Totally turned me around on the Big East. Good times.

2006-11-02T13:07:00.000-05:00

College Football Intensity Index: Week 9

1) Ohio State (39)
1) Michigan (39)
3) Tennessee (34)
4) Florida (32)
5) Auburn (31)
6) Texas (28)
6) Cal (28)
8) USC (26)
9) Louisville (25)
10) Arkansas (23)
11) Notre Dame (16)
12) West Virginia (15)
12) Oklahoma (15)
12) LSU (15)
15) Boston College (14)
16) Wisconsin (12)
17) Rutgers (11)
18) Clemson (06)
19) Texas A & M (03)
20) Boise State (02)

2006-11-02T12:46:00.000-05:00

Intensity Index: The getting real intense with a breakdown.

TIER A: Off the Reservation

1) Ohio State
1) Michigan
Analysis: These two hard scrabble teams have yet to be challenged all year and both have killed two top ten teams on the road. I could see Ohio State being ranked higher because they've been demolishing foes lately while Michigan has just been merely handling them. Tough to ignore the best defense in the country, though.

TIER B: SEC Power

3) Tennessee
4) Florida
5) Auburn
Analysis: All three of these teams have huge wins this year, and have yet be crushed by an opponent in their one loss. Tennessee's drubbing of a sprightly Cal team (THE INDEX LOVES BIG NON-CONFERENCE WINS) and just barely losing to Florida puts them on top. It's awful tough to separate Florida and Auburn. But Auburn's loss was a beat down and it came at home. Florida, on the other hand, came up just short on the road in Auburn. These are three great teams playing in a hellacious conference. We'll see what Tennessee is really made of when they play LSU at home next week.

TIER C: Viable Contenders

6) Texas
6) Cal
8) USC
9) Louisville
10) Arkansas
Analysis: All of these teams are having fine seasons, but each one has some warts. Texas got crushed by OSU at home and barely escaped with a couple of wins against Nebraska and Texas Tech. Cal has been playing great ball lately, but got drubbed by Tennessee at the start of the season. USC has looked shoddy in a number of games and just got nipped by a mediocre Oregon State team. They did destroy Arkansas and Nebraska though, two big NONCONFERENCE wins. Louisville has a great D, and they would be higher if they didn't almost give one away on the road against Cincinnati. And Arkansas killed Auburn but has beaten zero quality opponents otherwise. And they did get crushed by USC.

TIER D: I shoulda been a contender

11) Notre Dame
12) West Virginia
12) Oklahoma
12) LSU
15) Boston College
16) Wisconsin
17) Rutgers
Analysis: The Irish sure started off strong with wins over Georgia Tech and Penn State (two teams just outside of the index). But their competition since then has been laughable. They should have lost to UCLA (a bad team) and Michigan State (one of the country's worst). All their other wins have been jokes. West Virginia has been dominating crappy teams; somewhat impressive that they demolished Maryland, though. Oklahoma should only have one loss, and that loss they got handled by Texas - just had a decent win at Missouri - could be for real. LSU has NO good wins. But, they did play two great SEC teams pretty tight in their loses. Boston College has beat Clemson, Florida State, and on the road against Virginia Tech. Not a bad trio of wins - but shouldn't have let NC State hang around to beat them. Wisconsin hasn't beat a good team and struggled last week against a shit Illinois team. Rutgers is basically the same story as West Virginia, but they didn't attempt to play ANY decent out of conference team, and they haven't been as dominant as Louisville or West Virginia agains the mediocre opposition.

TIER E: A Little Feisty
18)Clemson
19) Texas A & M
20) Boise State
Analysis: Clemson looked awful frisky pouncing on Georgia Tech two weeks ago. And, honestly, losing to Boston College and Virginia Tech on the road are forgivable sins. Texas A & M has been playing good ball lately. And, Boise State has done nothing to really deserve being intense, except for beat the holy hell out of Oregon State, who turned around and beat USC. So, finally, they have something that comes close to approaching a quality win, and they are undefeated.

2006-11-02T10:59:00.000-05:00

Bars, Beers, and Baseball:

I am not yet in a rational enough to speak about the Cardinals winning the World Series.

Weaver spinning through the Mets and Tigers lineups was damned near inspiring to watch. Weaver hadn't thrown that well since his Tigers days.

A lot has been made of the 83 win Cards team during the regular season. Worst World Series team ever bullshit. First of all, it turns out when you actually win the World Series, you couldn't give two shits if they were the best World Series team of all time or the worst. The goal's just to win the fuckin' thing.

Also, here's what killed the team during the regular season: 1) Starting Mark Mulder, 2) starting Jason Marquis, 3) Injuries to Rolen, Edmonds, and Eckstein. 4) Isringhausen and Looper as our top two bullpen guys.
Luckily, Marquis was left off the postseason roster, Reyes was allowed to pitch, and Rolen, Edmonds, and Eckstein got healthy. It's no murderers row to be sure, but the Cardinals when healthy have:
1) The best player in baseball: Albert Pujols
2) The best third baseman in baseball: Scott Rolen
3) The best pitcher not named Santana or Halladay: Chris Carpenter
4) The best defensive catcher in baseball: Yadier Molina
5) A top 5 Centerfielder: Jim Edmonds.
6) A young closer who ranks right up there with K-Rod and Jenks.

Final point. The MVP of the World Series was Yadier Molina. He was the best player on the Cards throughout the playoffs offensively and defensively and handling the staff.

There will be a much longer post about this later.

Beer:
Blue Moon Pumpkin Ale is in my fridge right now. It's not a bad beer, but certainly fits into the Blue Moon style of delicate flavors and maybe a little too "drinkable" for my liking. Sometimes I just don't get quite enough complexity of flavor in any of the Blue Moon products. The pumpkin flavor isn't overwhelming like some other pumpkin ales, and they go easy on the cinnamon and nutmeg flavors that can really overpower a lot of pumpkin beers. While it is maybe not the most interesting beer in the world, there is nothing particularly wrong with this one. Subtle pumpkin and easy to drink - a real treat at the end of a day.

Bar:

Checked out a spot on Clark Street in Chicago last night called "The Ivy." I had always been hesitant to go in it because there is a god-awful bar called "The Red Ivy," right around there. (Honestly, do not go in the Red Ivy. It's like drinking beer in a damn Olive Garden only the High Lifes are $5. You just can't have a worse time anywhere.) And also, I had always thought "The Ivy" sounded like a gay bar. But now that I think about it, the ivy is referencing Wrigley Field's ivy. But why the fuck is a bar called "The Red Ivy"? That sounds like a terribly gay bar. But, turns out neither are gay bars, and while the Red Ivy sucks; The Ivy is awesome. A good dive bar type of place with a juke box and plenty of plasma screen TVs. I was there last night, which happens to be Euchre wednesdays and .25 cent wing night. Pitchers of Coors Light were only 7 bucks, too. Good times were had by all. Extra points for having the brand new Golden Tee 2007 which is amazing.

2006-11-02T10:54:00.000-05:00

Quick Thoughts from the Nets Opener

1. I love Marcus Williams. He didn't shoot that well from the field, but he got some unlucky breaks last night. His court vision is amazing though, and I was really surprised to see how easily he could get to the basket. Plus, he netted 8 boards. The Nets seem set on using him at least 20 minutes a game, even if he's on the floor with Kidd at the same time. I'm obviously very excited about this. I've now started calling Marcus Williams, "The Truth." That now makes two local athletes who I and a select few (actually only my buddy Desimone) refer to as "The Truth." The other, of course, is average strong safety Gibril Wilson. Also, did I mention that "The Truth" is from Compton, and that the laptops he stole while at UConn were from the women's basketball team's dorms? Yeah, he's awesome.

2.Vince Carter and Nenad Krstic need to see the ball more often. Too many times in our half court offense we end up with Jason Collins having the ball in the post (inevitably stripped) or one of our Nomars off the bench feebly attempting to penetrate. Nenad and Vince are going to create and make more open shots in the half court set than anybody. Vince, because of his athleticism, and Nenad because of his size. Vince Carter looked great last night. Granted, he was being guarded by Anthony Parker (yeah, I don't know who he is either, he went to Bradley, and is somehow starting for the Raptors. Also, have you seen the Raptors team this year? Who put these guys together? It's like someone got Chad Ford wasted and made him do a draft option in NBA Live. There are so many gross Euros on this team and unknown players it's disgusting. Garbajosa? Looked awful. That's just not a reference to his play either, he needs a shave, he looks like he should be outside a hookah bar on South U. in Ann Arbor. See: picture. ANDREA Bargnani? This of course is in addition to amazing top 15 picks Rafael Araujo and Kris Humphries. You can tell that Chris Bosh is frustrated, and he looked awful last night. No defenders respect anybody on that team other than TJ Ford and Bosh. )

Well, that was a long tangent.

3. The Nets bench still worries me. Marcus Williams is obviously a huge upgrade, but with Cliff Robinson and Eddie House injured right now, I'm nervous. Mikki Moore is going to be serviceable, and Boki Nachbar looks like he'll provide some shooting and defense, but I don't know how much you can rely on these guys. Antoine Wright looked terrible.

Also, apparently Bostjan Nachbar goes by the nickname "Boki" which I learned at the game last night, although this could just be the announcer's doing because after Boki went on a shooting tear, the announcer started calling him "Boki Boki." I was confused. Not nearly as confused as when the screens displayed a graphic featuring the Serbian flag and a map of Serbia with the words "Serbian Sensation" after Nenad Krstic was called for a foul, but pretty confused.

4. Non-basketball thoughts: The Nets dancers are hot. I haven't gone to an NBA game in awhile, but that shit is like softcore porn. Nice. I like. Wa-wa-wee-wa.

Also, the Nets' mascot is "Sly Fox." Apparently the Nets just made the decision to say, "Ah fuck it, let's have a fox for a mascot" because I don't understand any connection that this character may have to the team.

TJ Kidd was at the game throwing out shirts during the giveaway. He has a really strong arm for a seven-year old, I think the Yankees should look into that. Also, Joumana Kidd was there and she is gorgeous, I can't even imagine the time Jason had plowing her after pouring in a triple double yesterday. I bet he hits that all day. Get it? It has two meanings. You know, spousal abuse. Thanks, Jason.

2006-10-31T17:52:00.000-05:00

THIS IS HOW A HEART BREAKS!
2006-2007 NBA PREVIEW FEVER! CATCH IT!

Chubbs' Predictions:

Eastern Conference:
Atlantic: New Jersey Nets
Central: Detroit Pistons
Southeast: Miami Heat
Other playoff teams: Cleveland Cavaliers, Chicago Bulls, Washington Wizards, Indiana Pacers, Orlando Magic

Underrated: Josh Smith (Atlanta Hawks), Mo Williams (Bucks), Marcus Williams (Nets), The Bobcats

Overrated: Ben Wallace (Bulls), Larry Hughes (Cavs), Marvin Williams (Hawks), The Raptors

Conference Finals: Miami Heat over New Jersey Nets

Western Conference:
Northwest: Utah Jazz
Pacific: Phoenix Suns
Southwest: Dallas Mavericks
Other Playoff teams: San Antonio Spurs, LA Clippers, New Orleans Hornets, LA Lakers, Houston Rockets

Underrated: Leandro Barbosa (Suns), Shaun Livingston (Clippers), Rudy Gay (Grizzlies), The Hornets, The Rockets

Overrated: Tim Duncan (Spurs), Erick Dampier (Mavs), Patrick O'Bryant (Warriors), The Nuggets

Conference Championship: Phoenix Suns over Dallas Mavericks

NBA Finals: Phoenix Suns over Miami Heat
MVP: Lebron James
Scoring Title: Kobe Bryant
Rookie of the Year: Brandon Roy
6th Man Award: Bonzi Wells
Defensive Player of the Year: Gerald Wallace

Anthony's Predictions:

Playoffs in the East:

1) Chicago Bulls

2) Detroit Pistons

3) Cleveland Cavaliers

4) Miami Heat

5) New Jersey Nets

6) Milwaukee

7) Washington

8) Orlando

9) Boston

10) Philadelphia

Analysis: I think every team in the top 4 got better this offseason except for Miami. Chicago added Big Ben and Tyrus Thomas to sure up their interior defense. They have Deng back healthy, and the best depth in the league. With Skiles coaching they won't take a night off. The Pistons will have a bounce back year and they won't miss Big Ben AT ALL. McDyess is a better player for them on that team. Chauncey being an MVP candidate last year was a joke. But look to them to make a statement. The Heat will absolutely coast through the first half of the season. And Lebron is still Lebron. Cavs will finish 3rd. 6 - 10 is really a toss-up. The Sixers needed to package Iverson and get rid of him, because they can no longer defend anyone with Webber, Korver, and Iverson starting. Especially Webber.

Milwaukee is the surprise pick here. Let's see, they upgraded at point guard, power forward, and center in the offseason, and their 2 and 3 are Michael Redd and Bobby Simmons. They should win 45 games and shock a lot of people - especially if Villanueva plays any defense this year.

Playoffs in the West:

1) San Antonio

2) Phoenix

3) Houston

4) Dallas

5) Clippers

6) Memphis

7) Lakers

8) Minnesota

Analysis: I know a lot less about the Western Conference than the Eastern. So let me talk about players. If Duncan's healthy this year, he'll be the best player in the league again. If T-Mac and Yao are healthy, they'll be one of the best teams in the NBA. I don't think Amare is going to be healthy all year, which will hurt the Suns. Kobe is good enough for the playoffs, especially if he lets Odom shoot this year. And KG HAS to get his team into the playoffs this year, or he's officially off the elite player board. The Clippers are entirely reliant on Livingston becoming a very good player this year; but I'm not as sure as others are. Point guards who can't shoot, don't really last that long.

One more thought: "The best player in the NBA" debate isn't such a worthwhile discussion. But, here's all I can add about Dwyane and Lebron and Kobe. Lamar Odom, Damon Jones, Rafer Alston, Udonis Haslem, James Posey, Jason Williams, Brian Grant, all had career years playing with Wade. All of them have made their money and had their best statistical season with Dwyane. It's what Jordan did with Steve Kerr, Jud Buecheler, Luc Longley, and a host of other stooges who got multi-year deals just by being on the court with him. The greatest players make tons of money for other players - and that's what Dwyane does. Now, if Larry Hughes and Lamar Odom become All-Stars this year, Kobe and Lebron have done their job. . . if not. . . what have they done?

Conference Finals:

Heat beat Cavaliers in 7 games.

The best regular season game last year becomes the series that comes to define the games two greatest players of our generation. Seeing these guys go head to head for 7 games is more of a hope than a prediction. I give the edge to the Heat just because I think in crunch time, Wade and Posey can get stops on Lebron more often than Hughes and Lebron can get stops on Wade. Sadly, both of these teams best lineups would be without their anchors Big Z and Shaq.

Spurs beat Rockets in 5 games.

The real tough test for the Spurs will be against the Mavs. But a healthy Duncan won't let them off the hook this year. Van Gundy figures out a way to slow down the Suns attack, because Amare never gets back to full strength this year. The Spurs have been their too many times, and Duncan is like Yao-plus underneath.

Spurs over Heat in 7.

Wade again asserts himself as the world's best player, but Shaq doesn't have enough in the tank to deal with Duncan. Wade doesn't get the defensive break he had with Jason Terry having to check Tony Parker and Manu Ginobili all series. The Spurs eventually wear down the Heat to collect their final championship of Tim Duncan's prime.

Awards:

MVP: 1)Lebron James, 2) Tim Duncan, 3) Kobe Bryant 4) Elton Brand, 5) Dirk Nowitzki

A real tough one here. I don't think Wade will be in contention because the Heat will coast, and they are going to try to limit Wade's minutes from his grueling championship run and offseason. Duncan bounces back, Brand will be underappreciated, and Kobe will still be too hated. The Cavs have Hughes back, Varejao gets more minutes, so they should have enough rebounding to stay in games this year. LeBron wins the award with a Jordanesque 35, 8, and 8 on the season.

ROY: Adam Morrison

And that is Anthony Robertson's NBA preview.

2006-10-31T17:42:00.000-05:00

Wait, Jenn Sterger is going as a slutty ref for Halloween? No shit?

2006-10-31T13:33:00.000-05:00

My sister, she number one for sex in mouth in all of Kazakhstan!

In case the wait wasn't long enough, there are still two days until the Borat movie comes out. Here are some hilarious deleted scenes from the movie. I can only imagine how funny the actual thing will be after watching these:

I liiiiiiiiiike...