The Hat Steal: The Female Answer to Buying a Drink

It’s probably happened to you, you’ve been at a party, drinking some beer, throwing some meat, when a chick you’ve been talking to takes your hat and places it on her head. After you've overcome your intial reaction to slug the girl because you are overprotective of your hat, and your hair probably looks like Eric Byrnes' on Baseball Tonight, you rejoice in knowing that you're about to score. There’s been some debate on this (see: Anthony), but I think the hat steal is pretty much the most obvious way a girl can let you know that she wants to touch your penis, aside from her openly saying, “I want to touch your penis.”

This may be a trend with girls, as my friend Shaw has pointed out another twist to the clothing stealing theory. I'll call this the "post-coital cross-dress" corollary. Basically, this occurs when a girl decides to wear your clothing home the morning after a beat sesh. The motive here being continued contact between the female and you in the hopes of future beat sessions. In both cases, a girl takes advantage of our masculine need to protect property to induce a sexual advance. Love is truly a mysterious fig.

Anthony is just jealous because a hot chick did the hat steal to him once, and he didn’t realize it meant she wanted to do the dirty deed. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever been in a situation where a girl stole my hat and I haven’t hooked up with her. Exceptions might exist where the girl in question had a few too many pounds. Although, who am I kidding, there are definitely a few of those too.