Thursday, February 22, 2007

OC Series Finale Running Blog

9:00 - Nothing turns me on quite like hearing Kaitlin Cooper say something like, "Beat until smooth." Sure she was referring to an egg batter, but I'd like to think she's referring to my member.

9:02 - First shot I've seen of Kirsten's fake pregant belly. HORRIFYING. I'm pretty sure they knew the show wasn't going to be picked back up for another season, because I think she's just holding a pillow under there.

9:03 - Sing it with me now, "Californiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"

9:04 - Has anyone seen that V-cast commercial with the jacked brosef who's working out to Fall Out Boy? What the hell? Then the joke is at the end he has to pick up the phone because his girlfriend is calling. HOW IS HAVING A GIRLFRIEND LESS OF A SHOT TO THIS DUDE'S (wearing a sweatband on his bicep, and a beater no less) MASCULINITY THEN FALL OUT BOY?! Fuck you, Bootsy.

9:05 - Wouldn't that anti-drug commercial where the chick leaves the human guy for the alien because the human guy is smoking pot be great if, at the end, the alien anal probes her, and the lesson is don't knock it until you've tried it?

9:10 - I think the OC is making this Taylor-Ryan thing into "The Break-Up 2." The whole we're still in love but both are reluctant to admit it angle is a little played out. That said, I love Taylor Townsend.

9:11 - Wait, did I miss something? What happened to Kevin Sorbo aka TV's Hercules? Wasn't he supposed to be spending the duration of the season inside Julie Cooper? I have to stop drinking on Thursdays. Oh wait, this is the last episode. Nevermind.

9:13 - I don't think Barkley can act upset if people think he's old (a la the Dwyane Wade cell phone commercial) after he was unable to compose himself to utter a single word following his 3.5 court lengths race against 70-year-old Dick Bavetta on Saturday. Greatest open mouth male kiss ever though.

9:16 - My Dad just walked in and sat down. Took out his laptop. I can feel him passing judgment and/or wondering if it's possible to have a 213th term abortion. Too far?

9:18 - HAHAHA! Great self-depricating joke. Summer, in reference to the show "The Valley" says, "You know these teen dramas really run forever." Touche, Bilsson. Touche.

9:22 - This just in. Kaitlin Cooper is hot.

9:23 - WOWWWWWWWWWWW. That's a big bomb from Julie Cooper. She's knocked up with Hercules' baby, he ditched her because he's Hercules and clearly has other Goddesses to knock up, and now Bullit is marrying her. I hate Bullit. Really, the over-the-top Texas thing was funny for all of 10 minutes. Stop it. More Sorbo. Let's go.

9:24 - HAHAHA! Wow the greatest uninentional comedy moment in OC history. Kirsten's water breaks and then the gay guy whose house they are at says (in an effeminate tone obviously, because gays can't talk normal on TV), "OK this sounds so random, but I'm a midwife." I just peed a little.

9:26 - Seth Cohen is starring in a movie that looks like OC, the movie. Including a Luke-esque character doing a "Welcome to the OC, bitch" routine. If it didn't have that emo-font in the movie title, I'd be all over this.

9:28 - Really?! Water breaks> Immediate commercial break> Immediately return to Kirsten in bed with newborn baby? Did OC just throw EVERY idea into this episode and said, "Alright, we've got 40 minutes, let's get this done."

9:29 - SORBO! My prayer is answered. Is it too much to ask for him to take Lucy Lawless to the wedding? Please?

9:33 - Julie Cooper's tits in that wedding dress are AMAZING. Where was that all four seasons? Oh that's right, in Luke's face. Workin' on the night movesssssssss.

9:34 - The obligatory Marissa Cooper reference followed by tears from both Julie Cooper and Summer! Also, Bullit just refered to giving birth as "dropping child." Lovely.

9:35 - HAHA! The other gay is a wedding planner! YESSSSSSS! Oh, stereotypes. They're funny because they're true.

9:37 - SORBO! About to pull the move from the Graduate! IN SLOW MOTION!

9:38 - Wow! It's the wrong church, and wouldn't you know it, Kaitlin Cooper is bitchy enough to leave her cell phone on during the wedding, thereby allowing Sorbo to call Julie and let her know he still loves her! This is truly a great, albeit ABSURD, episode of the OC.

9:40 - I'm going to say it, Sandy Cohen looks pretty good in jeans and an uncuffedbutton-down shirt for a guy his age. I would kill to be as cool as Peter Gallagher at that age, or right now for that matter. I think Sandy Cohen is why I'm in Law School. It's certainly not the agonizing hours or mounds of debt.

9:42 - No, non-threatening black guy from Toyota commercial. Toyota will make me "feel like a genius" when it does my 40 page brief, and gets me an A.

9:44 - Ha! Julie Cooper chooses neither Sorbo or Bullit! She's acting like it's because she wants to "find herself." When, in actuality, she wants to be able to fuck 20 year olds. Hey, whatever floats your boat. You know where to find me.

9:49 - Wow Ryan's going to rail Taylor for a couple of hours in an Amtrak train. Lucky guy. Hell, knowing Amtrak, he'll probably get a whole day's worth of sex before he reaches the first stop! Ba dum chee. I'll be here all night.

9:52 - Come on retrospective. Come on!

9:53 - YESSSSSSSSS! I really should've written for this show. Or at least somehow found a way to place bets on things that would happen on this show in Vegas.

9:54 - Watching this, not to say Ryan's not a good actor now, but wow was he shitty in the beginning of this show.

9:55 - Wait? What the fuck!? Julie graduated from a college at some point? And Sorbo's there!? Can you imagine having Julie Cooper being in your hallway? That'd be awesome. The biggest slut in your dorm is a 40 year old who's looking to plow? That's awesome.

9:56 - Oh good, Seth and Summer got married. Real Shocker. Ryan is now a corporate construction worker who's helping troubled kids a la Sandy Cohen!

9:56 - The end of an era. I'm not sure how I'll ever cope with this. Wait, yes I do. Maui Fever, 24, and The Hills.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

NBA, college, and Lithgow roundup.

I always forget to mention this, but has anyone seen those commercials that have been running for over a year now about Cambell's Select soup, where John Lithgow pops out of a drawer and offers some family some Southwestern Corn Soup that just looks awful. Is John Lithgow that broke. I've always hated the guy: from Cliffhanger to Third Rock from the Sun, I thought he was goddamn terrible. But, still, you're doing soup commercials they show during the daytime? And what's Cambell's thinking? No one likes Lithgow. This makes about as much sense as Lyle Lovett and Julia Roberts.

NBA roundup: I can promise you for a full midseason report in about two days, but a few thoughts from the Jazz-Spurs game . . . If anyone thinks that the Suns are heads and shoulders above the Spurs they are crazy. Yes, the Spurs lost, but they are only playing Duncan 35 minutes a game; Parker only 30, and Ginobili only about 27. The Suns and Mavs have more depth so they can keep up their effort over the course of an 82 game season. The Spurs, though are not going to stray from their rotation during the season. But when Duncan, Parker, Ginobili all get the 42 minutes a game that they are going to get in the playoffs, they will be tough to handle. And the reason they are worse this year, is Bowen has really dropped off. He can't shoot and his defense is really starting to drop. The Spurs need to figure out if he can be an asset in the playoffs, because Duncan and Ginobili are elite defenders at their position, but they really do need a third. I wouldn't be surprised if Finley gobbles up a lot of those minutes in the postseason. But not being able to defend a 3 or 4 could really hurt them.

Texas' Kevin Durant put up a 37 point 23 board performance at Texas Tech last night. 37 and damn 23. So, this got me thinking two things 1) Could any have the other ten best college players in the last 15 - 20 years have put up this statline (my answer is no) and who are the ten best college players over the last 15 years. So, my list off the cuff (no order):

1) Glenn Robinson
2) Joe Smith
3) Christian Laettner
4) Dwyane Wade
5) Jerry Stackhouse
6) Chris Webber
7) Adam Morrison
8) Tim Duncan
9) Ray Allen
10) Carmelo/Iverson?

Any thoughts on this? Should Camby make it? I think Camby should be there actually, so take off Ray Allen or Adam Morrison. But whatever. I don't think anyone in this group could have gone for 37 and 23. Camby or Duncan maybe. This is not to say Durant is the best we've seen. The most assists he's had in any game this year is 4; and everything I've read says he really doesn't even think about playing defense. But that's still an unbelievable line - he's averaging over 30 a game?? Game's still 40 minutes, right? Unbelievable.

And, my all star picks:
PG: Gilbert Arenas
SG: Dwyane Wade
SF: Lebron James
PF: Chris Bosh
C: Dwight Howard

PG: Steve Nash
SG: Kobe Bryant
SF: Kevin Garnett
PF: Dirk Nowitzki
C: Tim Duncan

Honestly, how much money would you pay to see these two teams play each other - 2 20 minute haves. All players play all 20 minutes. You get to see Gilbert go against Nash; Wade and Bryant continue their rivalry. Lebron and KG, Bosh and Dirk are PERFECT matchups for each other; and Howard gets to run in transition for his points against Duncan. The concern is that the west side is just a lot nastier. It doesn't get more competitive than Kobe and KG . .and Dirk and Duncan are just a little behind. On the east side, only Gilbert and Dwyane have that total beast anger in them; so I think the west takes the game.

Gotta go to work. More to come.