Saturday, April 26, 2008

2008 NFL Draft Running Diary

3:10 - OK, so a few introductory thoughts. Starting the draft at 3 PM is a terrible idea. When is the first round going to end? 1 AM? Jesus Christ. Secondly, who created the theme to this year's draft on ESPN? Tom Cruise? Whatever movie studio is trying to push DVD sales for "Minority Report"?

Jake Long goes to Miami Dolphins, no shit, we knew that. It seems like half the draft is already determined before the picks come in, ten minutes in, and I'm already bored. Chris Long goes to the Rams. If you want my thoughts on these picks look at my mock draft, because we knew this was happening yesterday.

I'll tell you one thing though, between this and the Rich Rodriguez thing I went to on Thursday, I am going to be like a meth addict for the next 4 - 5 months just fiending football.

Chris Long kind of seems like a douchebag, much like his father. They both have douchebag haircuts, and douchebag attitudes. I feel sorry for his mother, who he already made fun of for not putting her phone on vibrate.

3:12 - Falcons on the clock, this seems to be one of the few picks in the early going that isn't decided yet. I think Dorsey is a much better pick because I think Matt Ryan isn't anything other than a future Todd Collins or Chad Pennington. Also, I love the footage of their new GM accepting the job and saying, "I am thrilled to be a part of this organization." Are you? Really? I mean, I would be thrilled to be the Falcons GM but that's only because my life sucks and I'm currently poor and in law school, but if you actually deserved a general manager's job, would you really be thrilled to be working for the Falcons? Their returning leaders on offense are Joey fuckin' Harrington, Jerious Norwood (who had 600 yards, and ONE TD), and who even fucking knows at wide receiver.

3:15 - Matt Ryan is selected and he gets booed! I'm not even sure why, but I approve. He sucks, but his girlfriend looks hot. Matt Ryan will forever more be refered to as Brian Hill with arm strength. No successful professional football player has ever looked like Matt Ryan, and the only professional athlete period who looks like Matt Ryan is Brian Scalabrine. I'm not positive, but I think I could kick his ass.

I think this is not going to end well, he has NOTHING around him, and he's not good enough to come in and resurrect this franchise. He's doomed. Ironically, I foresee a career path not that much different than Joey Blue Skies. Why wouldn't you get Dorsey here, then draft the best remaining QB out of Henne (who I think will be the best QB in this draft, biased I know), Brohm (who I also think is better than Ryan), or Flacco in the early 2nd round? Not only do you improve your defense, but you're getting a solid QB and not putting the insane pressure on him of being a top 5 pick at the position.

3:25 - This is a potentially horrifying situation for the Jets. With Ryan gone, they have no trade ammunition with the Ravens to potentially gain draft picks if their guys aren't there, and if Gholston and McFadden are gone, they would be drafting something that doesn't really fit their team needs right now. I guess I'd take Dorsey as a consolation prize, but sheesh. These fans will start rioting at Radio City if those two guys go next.

3:27 - McFadden to the Raiders. I've been calling this since Day 1, saying there is absolutely no way an Al Davis led Raiders team leaves the flashiest choice on the table in this spot. Sure enough, McFadden goes to a team that has Justin Fargas, Michael Bush, and Dominic Rhodes. Good work guys. I mean, I'd probably do the same thing, but that (among thousands of other reasons) is why I'm not an NFL GM.

3:33 - This is the most important pick in the draft, it decides how the rest of the first round goes, whether the Jets are fucked, whether the Chiefs can load up in a deal to the Saints, where Dorsey goes -- JESUS CHRIST LOOK AT HIS WATCH! That thing is huge!

3:35 - The Chiefs just picked Dorsey, which I guess is a solid pick, but I'm not sold on the fact that this isn't the part of a trade they're going to try to swing at some point. Can't argue with drafting arguably the best player in the draft at a team full of positions of need. This is huge for the Jets who can take Gholston now.

SoHo AffaiR (3:32:52 PM): if the jets take a fucking CB here ill be a dolphins fan

3:41 - I'm kind of disappointed I won't be able to discuss Mario Manningham as he has blazed his way out of the first round, but he will be good in the NFL. He is a character problem I guess, as his love of weed is well chronicled, but if he doesn't go Ricky Williams and fail drug tests, he'll be a great route running WR. He scored a 6 on the Wunderlic and ran his slowest 40 time ever. I honestly believe at this point that he was high at the combine. This is a guy who got evicted from his apartment because him and Johnny Sears refused to stop smoking egregious amounts of pot in their house. That being said...

SoHo AffaiR (3:37:12 PM): if the jets traded down
SoHo AffaiR (3:37:37 PM): take manningham!
SoHo AffaiR (3:37:39 PM): thatd be awesome
AllmanBrosBand84 (3:37:40 PM): hahaha
AllmanBrosBand84 (3:37:43 PM): Manningham is AWESOME
AllmanBrosBand84 (3:37:46 PM): I love how he just gets blazed as shit
SoHo AffaiR (3:37:50 PM): dude hes so high right now
AllmanBrosBand84 (3:37:53 PM): And at this point undoubtedly was at the combine
SoHo AffaiR (3:38:02 PM): him and johnny sears are chilling out on some couch in ann arbor

3:44 - The Jets just selected Vernon Gholston, the NYPD just breathed a HUGE sigh of relief. I honestly don't know what would've happened if they didn't pick him here. I hope he doesn't mind playing 2nd fiddle to a Michigan man, David Harris in that linebacking corps. I think this is a solid pick, I'm not sure where to begin with the Jets, I think McFadden was the only guy who comes in and makes them immediate contenders.

Also, I just got an update from my buddy Kuiken who is currently in New Orleans for Jazz Fest: "I am WHIPPING beads at tits. Reservation: Nowhere in sight." Other fun facts from Kuiken's weekend, spending $88 on beads and having the woman at the checkout ask him if he wanted to put some back, a request which he respectfully declined, and also, a friend spending $650 on a bar tab at a strip club. Color me VERY jealous.

3:49 - Patriots trade their pick (great decision to increase their number of picks) to the Saints who take Sedrick Ellis. I guess I like this pick, I had the Saints drafting a defensive lineman at the tenth pick, albeit at defensive end, and I guess Ellis fills a more pressing need at DT/DE. Whatever, this pick is boring/I'm waiting to see if Kuiken is even cognizant that the draft is going on to see if there is a New Orleans reaction to this.

4:01 - The Jaguars trade up from 26 with the Ravens at 8 to take Derrick Harvey. Who I think is good, but I'm not sure they needed to trade up this far. Also, I think this means that Henne is going to the Ravens at 26, they apparently love him, and moving down like that is a surefire sign that they are looking at QB later in the round. Good move for the Ravens if that's what they're doing here. Like I said, I think Henne will be the best QB in the draft, and he's definitely the most ready to take on the job right now. Additionally it looks like Keith Rivers is going to the Bengals... whatever. Their defense sucks so I guess anyone would help there. I still think protecting Carson is a more pressing need perhaps.

4:07 - WOW, GREAT trade for the Ravens. They added two third round picks and a fourth rounder and they're still almost assuredly getting the guy they want in the first round.

4:12 - I'm about to go get the car washed (I know, I know), but a few quick thoughts.

This draft is moving infinitely faster than in year's past, maybe this might end quickly.

SoHo AffaiR (4:07:14 PM): did Kiper have Mcshay kidnapped?

The Patriots just selected Jerod Mayo from Tennessee. Makes a lot of sense in light of their aging linebacker corps. Fuckin' Patriots.

4:48 - And we're back - Quick takes... picks 11-15 are solid, I like the pick of Stewart to Carolina particularly, and am VERY surprised to see the Lions exhibit some restraint, trade down to pick up some extra draft picks, and let the Chiefs get the offensive tackle/guard they wanted in Alberts. Very solid start to the draft for the Chiefs to land Dorsey and Alberts (who some had pegged as the 2nd best lineman in this draft.) Also, Keyshawn's suit-shirt-tie combo is legit. I am a huge fan. He looks like he's ready to get drafted all over again.

4:54 - The Cardinals take Rodgers-Cromartie, great pick. I love this guy, and as I said earlier, with Rolle moving to safety, this is a need pick. They couldn't land Lito Shephard, so they needed a CB here. Keyshawn I think verbally took Steve Young to school just now in their argument about whether they should go CB (Keyshawn) or RB (Steve Young) here. Savor the flavor Keyshawn, because it's not happening again for awhile, but he's right, you could get a running back of similar capability to team with Edge in the 2nd or 3rd round very easily. Guys like Rodgers- Cromartie definitely won't be around during that time.

4:58 - Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, the Lions. Gosder Cherilus who Kiper calls a "reach" and who is rated behind the still available Jeff Otah on nearly everyone's draft board is taken with the 17th pick. I at least like the fact that the Lions traded down and didn't go flashy with a skill position guy per se, but I don't know, I just don't like this pick. I can already hear the "Fire Millen" chants now.

5:01 - The Ravens traded up from 26 with the Texans to get Flacco?! Wow, I, uh, wow. I disagree with this entirely. First of all, I think he'd still be there at 26, and secondly, Chad Henne is better and definitely would still be there at 26. I think this is a bad move. Yeah, Flacco's really going to be able to come in immediately and contribute. That Delaware pedigree means he's been dealing with reads very similar to that of NFL defenses. Fuckin' Jersey. Additionally, he's been running shotgun his entire college career, and is moving to behind center. I don't care how far he throws the ball, the guy has zero experience running an offense like those in the NFL. Isn't he just Kyle Boller but at a shittier school? Did Baltimore have videos of him throwing from his knees as well?

5:05 - Henne's Mom is hot.

5:10 - Carolina trades up for the 19th pick with the Eagles and take Jeff Otah at tackle from Pittsburgh. I think it's a solid move. Hard to get super excited over an offensive lineman but he's been rated highly. Eagles fans are pissed without knowing what they got in return. Typical Philly fans. Idiots.

5:13 - I have no idea what's going on on-stage, but it involves a bunch of military guys and some dude in a University of Texas uniform, and a guy in a button down striped shirt (representing the Jersey national guard perhaps?) standing at attention. Needless to say, a U-S-A chant breaks out.

5:17 - Any Eagles fan who booed that move should be shot. They got a 1st round pick in next year's draft, and a 2nd and 4th round pick this year. Fucking idiot Eagle fans. Kiper agrees. McShay is still missing. Kiper is wanted for questioning.

5:20 - Buccanneers take Aqib Talib. Love this pick. They needed a CB with Brian Kelly leaving, and he's an athlete. He does a lot of drugs, but as we know from both his and Manningham's college careers, that is completely irrelevant. Am I the only one who fully supports drafting guys with character questions? Who gives a shit. Just don't do dogfighting, pull a Ricky Williams, or a Chris Henry (aka fire off a weapon into a crowd of people while wearing your OWN replica jersey - yeah, that really happened. Drink it in.) I don't care if you get blazed as shit as long as you properly mask it. No one gets arrested for smoking pot, this isn't communist Russia.

5:25 - This fucking montage of the Redskins year is pathetic. The Redskins didn't make the playoffs because they were inspired by Sean Taylor's death, they made the playoffs because after the top 5 teams in the NFC, the conference was absolutely putrid. Jason Campbell sucks, Clinton Portis is insane, and Chris Cooley has a hot fiancee. That's my scouting report on the Redskins.

5:30 - The Redskins just traded their pick to the Falcons who took... Sam Baker?! Wasn't he going to be available at the beginning of the 2nd round? How much pot are they smoking in the ATL? I mean, you just gave up a bunch of picks to land Mose Schrute at OT? http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/2/24/102007-SamBaker.jpg/435px-102007-SamBaker.jpg

Terrible draft so far for the Falcons.

5:38 - I hate the Cowboys. They take Felix Jones. Like predicted. That's still not going to take Tony Romo out from behind center in playoff games. You guys suck.

5:42 - The Steelers take Rashard Mendenhall. I thought they may have wanted to get some help elsewhere, but I like it. They needed a strong backup RB, and who knows how much longer Willie Parker will be good for. I don't trust Najeh Davenport as a backup RB because you never know when he's going to take a shit in a stranger's dorm room laundry hamper.

Also, if Tennessee doesn't take Limas Sweed I will be dumbfounded. Reuniting him and Vince Young at a position of need when he'd be a steal at this point in the draft is a no-brainer.

5:48 - Wow. Worst pick in the draft. Hands down. Terrible. Titans take Chris Johnson from East Carolina (who I think will be good, don't get me wrong) who was the fastest RB in the draft. However, they already have LenDale White, Chris Henry, and Chris Brown. They needed a wide receiver, and Devin Thomas and Limas Sweed would have been amazing choices here. Really was a no-brainer. No surprise the fans rated this pick an F. AWFUL.

Kuiken update: "Dude. Im at an amazing strip club. Barely Legal. HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT"

5:55 - Kuiken update Part 2: "Its unreal. They all are 20 w/ Keri Sable's body. Unfuckingreal"

6:05 - Cowboys trade up a few spots to get Michael Jenkins. Good pick. Whatever. The Texans select some tackle from Virginia Tech. Good idea considering all of their QBs get knocked out during the season. I've stopped caring. Wake me up when the Giants pick.

6:16 - Chargers take a CB. No shit. Seahawks take DE - Lawrence Jackson from USC. Who cares.
6:28 - The Jets move up to take Dustin Keller a TE from Purdue! Another first round Big Ten for TE for Jets! Kyle Brady? Anyone? Also this guy is NOT big enough to play TE in the NFL, although he does look very athletic.

6:36 - The Giants pick Kenny Philips. Great pick. I had sort of fallen in love with Tyrell Johnson as of late, but I am still very happy with landing Kenny Phillips.

I'm out. I hope Henne gets taken by the Dolphins. Manningham's stoned. Fuck you all.

Friday, April 25, 2008

Charles' Mock NFL Draft

1. Miami Dolphins - Jake Long OT, Michigan: Well this one I'm fairly confident I'll be right about.

2. St. Louis Rams - Chris Long DE, Virginia: I read somewhere that the Rams are thinking about moving their stud DL Carriker from DE to DT, and Long will let them do this. Additionally, Long appears to be one of the more reliable picks in the draft according to everyone else, and I don't think they take a risk on Dorsey here.

3. Atlanta Falcons - Glenn Dorsey DT, LSU: Here's where my own take on the draft's talent is probably clouding my accuracy. I think Matt Ryan is garbage. I think his ceiling is Todd Collins, honestly. That doesn't mean he's worthless, but I can't see him being a star in the NFL, and with the third pick in the draft, you want to take someone you think can make the Pro-Bowl multiple times. Glenn Dorsey fits that description. He was absolutely dominant at times from DT which is a rare thing to see.

4. Oakland Raiders - Darren McFadden RB, Arkansas: McFadden is the best player in the draft, and certainly the flashiest, and in light of the Raiders constant desire to make a splash as opposed to focusing on what's best for their team (read: any position other than secondary and running back), I think they go for the gold. The smart pick here is probably Gholston.

5. Kansas City Chiefs - Vernon Gholston DE/LB, Ohio State: Gholston is reminiscient of Jevon Kearse in terms of his combination of size and athleticism, and after the Jared Allen trade, I would be shocked to see them pass on a Gholston or Long in this position.

6. New York Jets - TRADED to Baltimore Ravens (Don't ask me to say what for other than the #8 pick) - Matt Ryan QB, Boston College: I think at this point the Jets threaten to take Ryan and work a few picks out of Baltimore with Gholston, McFadden, and Long off the board. Everyone knows the Ravens are desperately looking for a QB so this trade makes sense.

7. New England Patriots - Keith Rivers LB, USC: You can all think Brett and the 49ers for the Patriots having the 7th pick in the draft this year. The Patriots linebacking corps is old as SHIT and I think they'll take the best available in the draft at this point. Gholston would've been perfect, but I think Rivers is a good fit here as well.

8. New York Jets (traded from Baltimore) - Sedrick Ellis DE, USC: The Jets could certainly stand to improve their front 7, and their abandonment of the Dwyane Robertson project makes that no secret. Ellis will be solid, and getting him and some extra picks from Baltimore would be a great move.

9. Cincinnati Bengals - Ryan Clady OT, Boise State: Carson Palmer needs more protection and their offensive line hasn't recovered since they lost Steinbach, if Ellis is still around here, that might make sense, but I think Clady at 9 is a great land for the Bengals.

10. New Orleans Saints - Derrick Harvey DE, Florida: The Saints defense blew last year, and they massively upgraded at LB in the offseason and they now have Vilma, Dan Morgan, and Scott Fujita. Adding depth at defensive end is always a good idea [see: 2008 Super Bowl Champion New York Giants (note: get ready for a lot of references to that)].

11. Buffalo Bills - Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie CB, Tennessee State something or other: Rodgers-Cromartie could really, really suck in the NFL. I have bought hard because he's very athletic and I love his cousin Antonio. I think the Bills will go cornerback here and draft one of the many solid WRs that will be available at the start of the 2nd round (Manningham, maybe DeSean Jackson, who knows).

12. Denver Broncos- Devin Thomas WR, Michigan State: With the departure of Javon Walker, the Broncos have Brandon Stokely (only relevent when Peyton Manning is throwing him the ball or Jason Sehorn is covering him in the Super Bowl - yes, I'm still bitter) and Brandon Marshall catching the ball from Cutler. Thomas is the only guy of any value at a position of need for them here, although they could beef up their offensive line to protect Cutler.

13. Carolina Panthers - Rashard Mendenhall RB, Illinois - With the departure of DeShaun Foster and the ever-present prospect of injury to DeAngelo Williams, running back is a position of need for the Panthers and Mendenhall would be a great addition here.

14. Chicago Bears - Jeff Otah OT/OG, Pittsburgh - The Bears had an awful running game last year, (thanks for the fantasy season Cedric Benson, you asshole) and I wouldn't be surprised to see Jonathan Stewart go here, but they lost two starting offensive lineman this offseason and Otah can fill either hole and at least give Cedric Benson/whatever RB they take in the second round room to run.

15. Detroit Lions - Jonathan Stewart RB, Oregon - I think Jerod Mayo would be a good pick here in terms of fitting their defense, but with Kevin Jones perenially playing like a tampon, I wouldn't put it past the Millen regime to take Jonathan Stewart. Stewart may also be one of the fastest running backs in the draft, despite running his 40 on a bruised foot.

16. Arizona Cardinals - Leodis McKelvin CB, Troy - This would be a perfect move for the Cardinals who seem to have the pieces in place on offense (although look to them to add offensive lineman in the other rounds) and recently moved Antrel Rolle to Safety where he can be more of a playmaker.

17. Kansas City Chiefs - Branden Albert OT/OG, Virginia -Chiefs definitely need o-line help, and if they didn't get it with the fifth pick (read: Gholston) they'll take it here. I think the talent at offensive line is deeper, so going early with defensive end makes sense. Albert is a great pick here.

18. Houston Texans - Chris Williams OT, Vanderbilt - The Texans haven't had a good offensive lineman since Tony Boselli and it's no surprise that about zero of their starting quarterbacks have ever survived a full season. Williams is a solid pick at a position at massive need.

19. Philadelphia Eagles - Limas Sweed WR, Texas - This is a great pick for the Eagles, a lot of people have them picking a cornerback here, but with Sheldon Brown and Asante Samuel (they can also still re-sign Lito Shephard) I can't see them doing that. Limas Sweed gives Donovan McNabb a target who doesn't suck for the first time since TO.

20. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Michael Jenkins CB, South Florida - This makes perfect sense for the Buccaneers. Jenkins is a local guy, and the best available player at a position they strongly need help. Brian Kelly bounced to Detroit (why someone would go from a playoff team to a perenially shitty team in worse weather is beyond me) and Ronde Barber, when he isn't being a dumbass loudmouth, is 33 years old.

21. Washington Redskins - Philip Merling DE, Clemson - Apparently the Redskins are going either defensive end or wide receiver in the first round. I know Jason Campbell needs weapons, but I think Chris Cooley, Brandon Lloyd, Santana Moss, and Antwan Randel-El provide plenty of weapons. Merling makes them better immediately.

22. Dallas Cowboys - Felix Jones RB, Arkansas: With Julius Jones gone, the Cowboys will need a change of pace back to match with Barber. I think this pick makes a lot of sense, and gives them perhaps a better 1-2 punch than they had with Jones last year getting most of the carries. Cowboys suck.

23. Pittsburgh Steelers - Gosder Cherilus OT/OG Boston College: I have no idea who this is, but the Steelers need an offensive lineman after Alan Faneca left. There's talk of drafting a backup for Fast Willie Parker and Big Ben wants another WR (what? Hines Ward and Santonio Holmes aren't enough?), but this pick makes the most sense immediately.

24. Tennessee Titans - Malcolm Kelly WR, Oklahoma - Ironic that the Titans would draft a guy from Oklahoma to catch passes from UT alum Vince Young, but he's the best pick here for the Titans who desperately need a solid pass catcher. DeSean Jackson would be a poor choice here because Vince Young's passing fits with a solid possession WR like Kelly as opposed to a home run threat like Jackson.

25. Seattle Seahawks - DeSean Jackson WR, Cal - The Seahawks I think finally hit a wall this year and fail to make the playoffs. Branch will be on the sidelines for most of the season with an injury, and Hassleback doesn't have many other options. Plus Jackson immediately can upgrade a poor special teams unit.

26. Jacksonville Jaguars - Kentawn Balmer DT, UNC - The Jaguars lost Marcus Stroud and John Henderson is always injured. They need some serious help on the defensive line, and Balmer is the highest rated one available.

27. San Diego Chargers - Aqib Talib CB, Kansas - Talib definitely fell here, and would be a sick pickup for the Chargers who lost Drayton Florence in the offseason and need to upgrade their nickel package. Talib can contribute on special teams as well, and their have been some talks of him playing some WR like he did in college. The Chargers could use some help at WR as well as CB and Talib would be a great pick.

28. Dallas Cowboys - TRADED to Atlanta Falcons - Brian Brohm QB, Louisville - I think if Talib had fallen to the Cowboys they would've taken him, but I don't see them reaching for a WR or Brandon Flowers or Antoine Cason(CB) here. Atlanta will be scared of the prospect of the 49ers or Packers (without a QB to backup oft-injured never proven Aaron Rodgers) taking Brohm.

29. San Francisco 49ers - Jerod Mayo LB, Tennessee - 49ers could use someone alongside Patrick Willis to let him roam wild, and Mayo is in the Top 15 on most draft guru big board's. Brett will be pleased.

30. Green Bay Packers - Antoine Cason CB, Arizona - Green Bay is solid on defense, but Al Harris and my mannnnnnn, Chas Woodson are old as shit. Wouldn't be surprised to see them nab a backup QB in Chad Henne or that Flacco douchebag, but I think Cason is a solid choice.

31. New England Patriots - 18-1 - Oh, and you don't have this pick. Suck it, Trebek.

32. New York Giants - Kenny Phillips S, Miami - This is a PERFECT pick for the Giants. If Phillips is gone for any reason, Tyrell Johnson, a freakish safety from Arkansas State will go here. Gibril Wilson left, and the reigning Super Bowl Champs (God that feels good to say) need serious help. Serious. Our secondary is awful. Kenny Phillips loves bowling despite averaging "around 90" which makes him awesome.